


As it Stands

by tx_sweetpea95



Series: Born on Fire [1]
Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 50,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tx_sweetpea95/pseuds/tx_sweetpea95
Summary: Notice: All rights to the characters used in this piece belong to NBC. This piece is for entertainment only and is not meant to infringe on those rights. No reproduction, publication, distribution, or replication of this piece is permitted without express permission from the author.
Relationships: Kelly Severide/Original Female Character(s), Kelly Severide/Reader, Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson
Series: Born on Fire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894693
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice: All rights to the characters used in this piece belong to NBC. This piece is for entertainment only and is not meant to infringe on those rights. No reproduction, publication, distribution, or replication of this piece is permitted without express permission from the author.

Pouring, always pouring.

That’s all rain does, rushing in like some sort of quick-fix savior in a half-assed attempt to salvage the shittiest aspects of life. As if some higher power believes that dumping ice-cold water on his or her creations will provide them with a new outlook on life. With a sense of clarity.

It’s bullshit.

The sound of the heavy drops dive-bombing the roof of the apartment at four in the morning provided none of this. In fact, coupled with the general knowledge of the brisk air I would be facing once I actually left the safety of my soft, cotton cocoon it just made me more miserable. Pushing my cheek further into the pillow and pulling my legs up closer to my chest I made a last-ditch effort to hold out, to give in to the thick fog which still threatened to compress everything in my skull, an effort which proved utterly futile. Staring through the darkness I surrendered to the realization that I was once again up before the sun and that no amount of calming cricket song or soothing wave noises was going to fix that. As if to top it all off, the ceiling fan above me sounded as if it were making its final rounds, creaking and jangling as the metal pull swung from side to side, its only remaining question being who it planned to decapitate when it kicked the bucket.

Something I had no intention of sticking around to find out.

Groaning inwardly, I simply yanked the blankets back, the Band-Aid-quick movement only serving to funnel every bit of the chilly pre-dawn air directly into my safe haven. Sitting up I listened quietly to the bed’s protests and tried to ignore the pounding in my head as I slipped my stockinged feet into a pair of plaid slippers which I was a hundred percent sure did not belong to me before grabbing an equally large robe in hopes of keeping the bite of cold from my thin shoulders as I made my way to the bathroom. Picking up the cheap plastic brush from its spot near the sink, I made a silent toast to the horrors of monotony and routine as I tried, painfully, to tug through the rat’s nest of long messy curls that littered my head without disturbing my stitches. Managing a quick ponytail and sticking the nearest toothbrush in my mouth I glanced up, not at all surprised to find my pale face drawn tight and my eyes lifeless within the mirror before me. The more that I stared the more I noticed the complete lack of emotion, the absence of any real will to fight. I could almost imagine the silky strands greying, becoming flat with age as wrinkles worked their way like fissure lines across my face, but it wasn’t this that bothered me. No, the true nightmare was reflected hatefully back at me through the very same eyes that I saw now.

Almost as if it were a warning.

Shaking the vision from my head, I rinsed the toothpaste from my mouth and returned the brush to its holder as I turned my thoughts to putting a conscious effort into my appearance. Still trying to bring myself to care I looked to my duffel bag for guidance. There wasn’t a single part of myself that I could really bring to care about my apparel, a truth that I resigned myself to as I shrugged off the robe and slipped my way inside a pair of Levi’s and an oversized red sweater. A look that to many screamed “I simply don’t give a shit.” It was okay though because I didn’t. Not really. Not anymore.

Tilting my head back in a heavy sigh, I allowed the smell of freshly brewed coffee to drag me from the neat racks where I had stowed my belongings toward the kitchen. The feeling of my socks gripping the thick carpet as I shuffled forward seemed to be my only anchor to the real world, the one that I fought every day to make disappear. Moving from the carpet to the linoleum provided a harsh change in sensation that had me thanking God that I had been smart enough to leave my socks on my feet.

Leaning against the counter, I contemplated pouring myself a cup of coffee before remembering that that much caffeine was frowned upon in my current condition. Pulling a face, I turned to watch the raindrops as they raced down the windowpane. Reaching out to chase one across the frosted surface with my finger I settled my weight into the warmth of the man who had come to stand behind me. For just a moment I could imagine that we were us again, that I wasn’t aware that I had had the bed to myself the entire night. I could almost pretend that I couldn’t smell the designer perfume that still clung to his jacket. A perfume I knew that I could never, even in my wildest dreams, afford.

But almost and my imagination just weren’t good enough anymore.

“Morning, how was your night with the detective?” Turning to face him I did my very best to smile as I asked the question that would undoubtedly break my heart.

Rocking back on his heels he tried to hide a slight grin as he ran a finger across his upper lip and ducked his head with a blush, “It was good. Great actually. How are you feeling this morning?”

Breathing in through my nose I reassured myself that it really couldn’t be that hard to sound genuine, “That’s awesome Kelly! I’m happy for you. I’m doing alright.” It was not the first bold-faced lie that I’d let slip lately. Especially not when it came to him.

Thankfully he decided not to call me on my bluff. “Yeah, sure. Thanks Y/N/N.”

Shaking my head at the nickname I reached out to squeeze his arm, “No, thank you. I really appreciate you letting me come and stay here last night. I’m not sure how well I would have gotten along on my own back at the dorms.”

Severide huffed lightly, a slight laugh slipping through his closed lips, “I still think you need to move out of the campus apartments. You wouldn’t be having all this trouble if you didn’t have a psycho for a roommate.”

Sighing I rested my hip against the counter, “That apartment is the only thing that I can afford right now and that’s with rent split fifty-fifty.” 

Leaning around me to pour himself a cup of coffee he bumped me lightly with his elbow, “You know I’ve told you that you could move in here with me. Shay is gone half the time anyway”

Wrinkling my nose, I bumped back, “Umm, no. That would just be awkward.” The idea of sharing a home with the man I loved was thrilling, the idea of doing it while he was seeing other girls, nauseating.

This time Kelly didn’t bother to try and hide his laughter “And coming over to snuggle when you have a nightmare isn’t?”

Shaking my head vehemently, I decided that one little sip wouldn’t hurt anything and made grabby hands at his mug, “No, because that’s awkwardness out of necessity.”

Rolling his eyes, he handed me the drink keeping his hand outstretched so that he could take it back once I finished, “You could always cuddle with Casey instead.” 

Just thinking about that almost made me spit the mouthful I had taken back into his cup. I adored my best friend but no, “Ew, and Dawson?”

Taking his drink back before I could contaminate it, he frowned and leaned against that counter beside me, “Good point. I didn’t really think that one through.” 

I scoffed, “You think?” Taking a breath, I brought up the subject I had been dreading, “You know, if me still coming here is a problem you can just say so. I mean after that night I can see how it might be.”

Flapping a hand in my direction, he shook his head like a wet dog, gulped down the rest of his coffee in one go and set the empty cup in the sink, “Mmm, no, uh uh. We are not having this conversation. It is way too early.”

Sighing, I flipped the faucet on so that I could rinse out the mug before the sugar congealed at the bottom, “We have to have this conversation eventually Kel.”

Severide grabbed his go-bag off of the kitchen table and swung it across his shoulder, “Actually I don’t plan to have this conversation, like, ever.” His voice was tight as he made his way to the door, “Honestly Y/N, I don’t care what you do. I invited you to _live with me_ so clearly you staying here isn’t an issue for me. The last time we talked about that night you clammed up. Not again. We’re friends. I care about you, I do, but it was just a hook-up. It happens. Stay. Go. I don’t care. I’ll see you later; I’m already going to be late for work.” Shutting the door on any reply that I might make, he ran for his Mustang.

Gritting my teeth, I decided then and there that if he didn’t want to talk about it then we wouldn’t. Ever, as he had put it. Sliding my hand to my stomach I frowned, _It’s not like we needed him anyway_. Making my way back to the bedroom to slip on my shoes and grab my stuff I tried to remind myself that this was not the way that Kelly normally was in order to stop myself from crying before I decided against it. It would be easier if I could hate him. Easier to suppress all of the good memories and let the past few minutes tear apart any recollection of his former self that I held from the time before that. So much easier.

The drive to school from the complex where Severide lived was not a long one, but, in a car with no heat, it seemed like a lifetime. Steering with one hand I used the other to pull the stack of envelopes from my glove compartment, a multitasking feat that my mother would have killed me for in this weather. Setting them on the passenger seat alongside my phone, I decided to listen to her nagging voice in my head and wait until I stopped to make my to-do list for the day. Staring through the windshield I thought about the bills that were beginning to pile up. As it stood I had two hospital bills, my half of the rent, and a tuition payment weighing on my mind and I could only afford to pay two of them. And that was if I pinched all of my pennies and didn’t eat. Thinking hard I decided that if I cut out the rent I would have at least three weeks before I needed to find somewhere else to stay or a way to pay and I could still make my tuition for the semester and cover the initial appointment cost at the hospital. Covering my tuition would still allow me to get free meals twice a day in the mess hall and leave me with my internship at the clinic so that was a must. I couldn’t afford to lose my job or my meal ticket right now. Calling home with my troubles had never been an option, my family was barely making ends meet as it was and I was not willing to burden them with my own stupidity. Even if my mother found out and insisted that I come home like I knew she would, I couldn’t. Home was over three thousand miles away. Pulling into the back-parking lot and picking a spot, I decided that those were the best possible choices for the moment and grabbed my phone in order to make the necessary payments thankful that it was one thing that I didn’t have to worry about paying for. _Thank you, Student Internship Expenditures Fund._ Folding the other two bills in half and trying to breathe past the inevitable accumulation of late fees, I returned them to the glove-box. Clicking the banking app on my cell, I cringed at the lack of funding that remained in my account before closing it again and moving to check my voicemail.

The first was typical, _“Hey, it’s Casey. Call me back ASAP. Will Halstead called and told me you got hurt. I told you to sell that goddamn bike. Seriously though, if I don’t hear from you by tonight, I’m driving back down to kill you myself. God, you’re giving me grey hairs. Love ya kid, hope you’re okay.”_ I smiled slightly at the exasperated tone that seemed to seep into his voice every time we spoke. Over fifteen years of knowing each other and he still couldn’t handle me. Knowing that he was completely serious about coming back at the very first opportunity that presented itself, I made a mental note to call him after class before I headed to work.

Moving on I raised an eyebrow at the irony of the second message, _“Hello. I am calling for Y/F/N Y/L/N. This is Keith Evans and I was wondering about the ad you placed online about that old Triumph. If it’s still for sale I would really like it if you would give me a call back at this number as soon as you get a chance. Thank you.”_ Every part of me wanted to call the guy back right now and tell him that there was no way in hell I was selling that bike, but the more rational part of my brain shut me up. The Triumph was worth a lot of money, money that I needed even if I didn’t want to admit it and riding it in my current condition was too dangerous anyway. Something I had proven already earlier this week. The pain in my ribs reminded me of that. Grimacing I hit the call-back button and waited as it rang. On the third ring a gruff voice reminded me that it was only around seven a.m., “Hello?”

Clearing my throat, I tried to sound apologetic, “Hi, Mr. Evans? It’s Y/N. I’m sorry for calling so early but I wanted to make sure I got back to you.”

After that he didn’t sound nearly as tired as before, “Oh? You aren’t calling to tell me you’ve changed your mind about selling, are you?” I could almost hear his frown. “Actually, I was going to ask when you’d like to meet to look over the bike.” 

Hearing some rustling on the other end of the line, I assumed he was checking his schedule, “Fantastic! Any time after four is fine by me. Let’s aim for this weekend though, eh? Since we’re both working folks.” At his sudden change in tune I couldn’t help the chuckle that crept out. Mr. Evans was clearly a sufferer of MPD.

“That sounds perfect to me. Saturday at five-thirty sound alright?”

He hummed under his breath, “That sounds just fine hon. I just have one question before I drive all the way over there?”

 _Here comes the metaphorical guillotine_ , “Mmm, what’s that?” _The blade was lifting_...

“Why sell now?” _And there’s the drop_.

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me, “It’s a good bike, sir. A bit rough to look at but she runs fine. You see, uh-” trying to move past the lump in my throat I decided that honesty was the best policy with this man, “I had a pretty nasty wreck just a few days ago and had to go to the hospital. While I was there, I got some news and I’m just not sure riding is the safest thing for me right now.”

The silence stretched between us again before I heard him sigh. He sounded like my grandfather used to when he was alive, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you hon?”

Hearing the words from someone other than the doctor I almost lost my composure, “Yes, sir. I am”


	2. Chapter Two

Twelve Weeks Earlier

Cold and wet.

Uncomfortable.

These were the words that I would have used to describe the decrepit unit of windowless buildings and concrete slab that served as the Chicago Fire Academy’s primary training grounds.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

I was going to kill Matthew Casey.

Barely one whole week back in this maze he called home and he was already nipping at my heels in an attempt to get my paramedical certification transferred in-state to Illinois. Something that, with the reciprocity program in place, should have been simple enough,

But no.

My dick of a best-friend had certain expectations. One’s dictating that I should apply for the support position available at Main. A position that would toss me out of the proverbial frying pan and right into his literal fire.

Or fires, as the case may be.

A feat which required me to complete fire response training and undergo a physical fitness assessment under the direct supervision of a non-biased Officer of the Chicago Fire Department who was in good standing with the district.

Something that Casey had already made arrangements for on my behalf.

Glancing down, I did my best to decipher the messy scrawl on the wrinkled paper in hand. My own interpretation of all the information that Matt had rapidly conveyed to me over the phone that very morning.

Fire Academy Grounds

Back Lot @ 4 pm Thursday

Lt. Severide

Over the years that I had spent away after my family left Chicago during my senior year, I had heard my fair share of stories about Casey’s Academy buddies and their antics. It seemed like every other day I was being regaled with outlandish tales of Andrew Darden’s nonstop humor and Kelly Severide’s fantastical accumulation of notches in his bedpost.

Now, with both Darden and Casey’s ex-fiancé Hallie gone too soon, I had felt the need to come home and support him more than ever. An idea that must have suited him just fine as it took less than forty-eight hours for a one-way ticket to the windy city to slide into my inbox.

My college and work transfers were approved fourteen days later and I was on a plane back home. Now I was here, standing in a deserted lot with nothing more than a water-bottle and a crumpled note in my hands while I waited on a man whose reputation preceded this meeting by almost six years.

Acknowledging the presence of the sky-blue, 68’ Mustang taking up residence in the corner of the lot, I decided I may as well take a peek inside the nearest structure on the off-chance that the Lieutenant had moved indoors to take shelter from the wind.

Stepping under the awning, I moved to make my way up the stairs only to collide with something rather warm and solid heading in the opposite direction. Taking a moment to right myself, I looked up.

The man that stood before me was beautiful. Almost classically so.

Broad shouldered and lean with ashen hair and an unmistakable air of confidence and superiority.

And sitting there, in the corner of his navy colored quilted jacket was the embroidered patch that I had become so familiar with over the years.

So, this was Lieutenant Severide.

No wonder the man had groupies.

The silence brought on by our abrupt first meeting was only fractured when he stepped back out of my bubble to address me properly. Briskly.

His handshake was firm, “Lieutenant Kelly Severide. You must be Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you.” My gaze darted to where his rough hand had engulfed my own before making the trip back to his face.

Up from his strong, rounded jaw to his full lips and across his slightly upturned, Grecian nose to those vivid Kerry-blue orbs nestled beneath his straight brow. “Thank you for taking the time to do this.”

He took a moment to look me over in return before clearing his throat and returning his hand to his side, “Yeah, look. I’m just going to cut straight to the chase here alright? If I am going to be using up my free-time twice a week for the next six then you are going to take this seriously. I don’t have the time or desire to deal with any bullshit. Got it? And don’t expect me to go easy on you just because you mean something to Casey. I’m only doing this as a favor to him and it wouldn’t turn out that great if you got away with half-assing it and got yourself killed.”

His long-winded rant turned the knob inside my head straight to petulant toddler mode as I pursed my lips and crossed my arms, “You’re bossy.”

Severide’s lips twitched, whether in amusement or irritation I didn’t know, “Bad things happen when no one wants to take charge.”

Oh, how it took all of my willpower not to land myself in hot-water with a good Christian Grey joke, “So, what you’re telling me is that you’re always like this.”

The glare he directed my way as he turned to lead me up the stairs should not have been hot, “Just do what I say when I say it.”

Mhmm. Of course. Yes sir. “You say jump, I ask how high. Right?”

He stopped walking almost as soon as he had started in order to get a read on me, “You’re already proving to be a poor listener sweetheart. No. If I wanted a specific height on that jump, I’d let you know right off the bat. Now quit being a smartass.”

Damn, he was good. “Apologies Lieutenant.”

Severide picked up his ascent once more, “Good girl. I wouldn’t want to have to explain a training accident to Casey.”

My nose wrinkled in confusion, “What do you mean a training-”, my question was cut off as an involuntary shriek left my throat when the staircase beneath my feet rattled violently. I felt like my soul was going to leave my body until I looked up and saw that it was mirth rather than fear shining in Severide’s bright eyes.

Mirth that was undoubtedly linked to the white knuckled grip he had on the rather flimsy metal railings. A wide grin split his face as he watched me connect the dots. God, even the tiny gap between his pearly whites was adorable.

A truth I would focus on when I wasn’t so scared, “You’re an asshole! I could have died!”

His laughter was throaty and genuine, “You should have seen your face! When Casey said you were afraid of heights he wasn’t kidding. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

He could very well have helped himself and he very clearly was not sorry, “You planned this?!” Rather than answering me, he turned to jog ahead, shoulders still shaking with childish glee as he went. This man was a vastly different entity than the one who had greeted me initially.

What a…

Wait…

If he planned this….

I ran to catch up, taking the stairs two at a time as I called after him, “Hey! Hold up! Does this mean we get to be friends?”

And it did. Friends, confidantes, co-workers, and eventually? A hell of a lot more.

***

“You’ve got an interesting group of friends, Lieutenant.” A truth I acknowledged with a raised brow as I watched his blonde bombshell of a roommate saunter away. He met my comment with a raised brow of his own, tucking his lip between his teeth and turning to glance in her direction with a grin before answering. “Call me Kelly. Interesting might be an understatement.”

I nodded. It was nearing midnight and I had been in his presence for the past eight hours. And in those eight hours, I had passed the physical portion of my assessment and been introduced to every person that had walked through the door since our arrival at Molly’s. “Tell me, Kelly, why’d you bring me here?”

His attention returned to me as reached for another drink of his beer, one shoulder shrugging lightly, “Honestly? I figured if the two of us are going to be spending all of this time together, then we might as well get acquainted. Plus, with Casey leaving for that trip out of town with Dawson and her family, I figured you could use a friendly face in the city.”

The man’s logic wasn’t wrong. There was no way that I was going to turn down a chance at making new friends when I barely had any to begin with, “Makes sense. What do you want to know?”.

His pewter eyes scanned my face as he deliberated, “You. I want to know you. I’ve heard the whole spiel from Casey’s end but it’s not the same. Tell me what makes you tick.” I almost laughed at how serious he looked, elbows tucked up on the table between us and hands clutching his IPO like Herrmann or Otis was going to take it away, “Mmm. Going for the kill already, eh? Well, it’s not that exciting. I grew up here with Matt but ended up having to leave straight out of high school in order to be with my mom. The weather here was too much for her so the doctors sent her down south. I was a paramedic down there for a bit. Worked for the local hospital in my free-time. I was actually going to school for veterinary medicine. Now, I am back to on-campus housing and two-legged patients.”

His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, “So you mean to tell me that saving people isn’t your great passion in life?” Now I really did laugh, “God no. I hardly even like most people. Animals on the other-hand, I love those. They don’t talk back or try to stab you.”

Kelly followed my lead, a hearty laugh escaping as he leaned back, “Alright, fair enough. So, what made you get into human medicine instead?” I ran my finger over the rim of my glass, “There was a woman that I used to help to and from her chemotherapy appointments. She made me see the value in human life in a way that I hadn’t before.”

He didn’t push me for details. Something that I appreciated. Instead, he reached one large hand across the table to cover mine, thumb brushing back and forth, “I’m sorry you had to go through that but from what I’ve heard and seen so far, you’ve come out on the other side in a way that no one could have anticipated.”

I smiled, “Yeah, I guess I did.”

***

9 Weeks Earlier

Moving through the bar, I did my best to avoid having to talk to anyone new as I sought out a familiar face. With Casey having just left for the summer with his girlfriend and her family, I was quickly running out of options. My roommate Viola sat across the room, but she was one of last people I would pick to keep me entertained. Her perfect looks and vicious demeanor insured that I would much rather keep company with Satan. In reality, I was only here because I had no way back to my dorm without Vi and she was toasted.

I’d actually much rather be anywhere but here.

Tucking myself into the nearest corner, I curled further into my tattered hoodie and stared down at the hole in my Chucks. Picking at my laces I waited for my phone to vibrate and offer me an out. Some sort of salvation from the horrors of socialization. Giving up, I pulled the I-Phone from my pocket and swiped a single painted nail across the screen, fighting the urge to chip away the dark splatter even more as I did. No messages. This shouldn’t have disappointed me nearly as much as it did. I only ever heard from four people and that was including my boss down at Main. Most of the time the only people who bothered to contact me were my mother, Casey, and Kelly Severide. Thinking of the last one made me bite my lip on a smile. The two of us had formed a fast friendship and had bonded over the days we’d been spending together at the Academy. And…away from the Acadamy.

Moving my feet back to the floor, I made my way toward the back table knowing that he and his squad-mates would not be far. Getting as close as I dare to the group ribbing each other, I fixed my focus on the beer in front of him and promised myself that as soon as it was empty, I would have a ride home. A quick glance at my watch reassured me of this. The night was winding down. Relaxing, as it turned out, was a bad idea. I smelled her perfume approximately point-five seconds before I felt her warmth against my back, “A little toasty in here for this many layers, eh Doc?” Feeling her fingers twitch against my midriff I swiveled to glare at the woman behind me.

This was not the man I had come to see. This was Leslie Shay, a woman notorious for her astounding ability to go from wet dream to walking nightmare in a matter of moments. “A piece of advice Shay? Keep your appendages to yourself unless you want them removed.” I hissed, shoving futilely at her free-roaming hands.

She snickered as she finally relented, “Mmm, maybe I should let them wander after all. I mean, can you imagine all the fun we could have on the gurney before you operated?”

I scowled, smacking her hand away as it moved back toward me playfully. Someone was clearly six-sheets to the wind already, “Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t just do the female population as a whole a favor and get you fixed.”

Shay smiled lewdly visibly enjoying the banter, “If you wanted to play with my bits you could’ve just asked.”

My nose wrinkled, amusement and annoyance fighting for dominance on my face, “You’re such a pig.”

Shay tapped my nose with her forefinger, offering a quick wink and an even quicker quip, “Right up your alley then.” I really should have seen that one coming. Damn her.

“You’re an ass-” a warm hand on my spine cut me off.

“Shay, buddy? Why don’t you take a walk and let the grown-ups chat for a minute, hmm? I’m sure there’s something around here that you can play with.” My heart sped up and I tried my best to hide the childishly triumphant grin as the newcomer moved past me in order to stand beside the fair-haired miscreant still occupying my personal bubble. Looking him up and down I finally allowed myself to relax completely, taking in everything from the mottled mahogany hued locks cropped close to his head to the spotless black Doc Martins which encased his feet. Moving my eyes back up I decided to let them linger somewhere in the middle. Staring into those ocean eyes surrounded by thick, dark lashes the very idea of him meaning anything to the woman next to him was almost laughable. Kelly Severide was the antithesis to Leslie Shay in nearly every way imaginable. Both of them were gorgeous but Kelly was beautiful in a way that was nearly unbelievable. Where Shay was darkness, Severide was light. Glib fatalism versus seasoned optimism. Demons and angels. No one would ever guess just how close they really were without knowing them. They were the polar ends of an exceedingly colorful spectrum. The only thing that they shared between them was an honest love of heroics and some serious past trauma.

Frowning up at her best friend, Leslie huffed out a laugh, “You’re right Kelly. It shouldn’t be too hard to find someone else around here that tickles my fancy. Who knows, maybe I’ll find someone to just tickle me.”

I tried my best to keep a straight face as Shay threw a wink in my direction before sauntering off to find her next victim. As I debated whether or not I should pity whichever poor girl she chose Kelly slipped back to my side to whisper in my ear, “It’s okay to laugh sweetheart. She’s a funny girl. Most of the time.”

I snorted at that, turning to lean into his side while the simple endearment made a blush heat my face, “I think you’re the only one on this planet that finds her even mildly amusing. The rest of us just see a brash asshole.”

Grinning he wiped some of the sweat from his brow with a sleeve, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Did you enjoy your night at least?”

Shrugging I scuffed my toe across the dirty floor, “I always enjoy being around the guys.”

Leaning forward to be heard as the next song began to play from the overhead his breath brushed my ear, “Is that so? And what would your boyfriend think about that blush on your face right now?” He himself had to be at least four drinks in by now to be this brave. And forgetful.

“Seriously? You know as well as I do that Casey and me aren’t together. That sap’s been with Gabby since before he even knew he was _with_ Gabby.” I couldn’t help the irritation that tinged my voice as I scowled up at him, “Why would you even think that?” 

Severide shook his head, laughter slipping from between those perfect lips as he guided me toward the door, “Umm, I don’t know. Maybe because you two are together all the time?”

I almost growled as I fought the urge to bring up him and Shay’s own conjoined twin act, “He’s my best friend. More like a brother actually. If you hadn’t noticed I spend a great deal of time with you as well.” 

Holding the door open for me he bit his lip and adjusted his leather jacket nervously, “Well I had rather been hoping you were spending all that time with me for a different reason.” The pink stain that bloomed across his cheeks at the statement assured me that he wasn’t drunk yet. Bolder than usual but not drunk.

I nodded sagely, deciding to tease him a little, “Oh yeah. Got to give you time to finish fixing my bike.”

He lunged for me, a growl slipping between his lips as I giggled in his grasp, “As nice of ride as that will be when we finish it, I was thinking of something a bit different.”

“Exactly what are you implying Kel?” We’d been beating around this bush ever since he conducted my initial assessment.

That light pink flush turned crimson as his eyes crinkled, “Nothing. Not if you don’t want me to be.”

Weighing my options, I recalled the countless conversations that I’d had with my mother about loosening up and letting someone else take the reins, “And if I do?”

He fumbled the keys from his pocket, a dark look deepening the color of his eyes, “Then I guess I better go tell the boys to check their own damn equipment tonight.” Later on, I’d realize that the cold Chicago wind that blasted us had nothing to do with the shiver that snuck down my spine.

***

Making it back to his place had been a miracle in itself.

The door to the townhouse had barely been opened before I was being pressed back against the doorframe- long, rough fingers cupping my neck, forcing my head to tilt upward as Kelly strived for better access to my mouth. With his second hand pressed hard against by hip and his tongue dancing along the seam of my lips, he refused to relinquish control of the kiss

Twining one hand with his I ran the other along the skin of his cheek and into the short strands which lay near his ear, using the very tips of my fingers to outline the warmth at the nape of his neck. Hearing his breath hitch I took a moment to admire him. The way he stared down at me, sea-foam eyes blown wide, soft pink lips slightly parted, left my chest aching with a flurry of unidentifiable emotions. Be it love or desire I’ll never know. All that mattered to me in that moment was the way his heartbeat pulsed against the pallor of the sweat-stained skin beneath his jaw. With the way he looked at me right then, so bold yet shy, it was impossible to stop my mouth from mapping the damp flesh along the collar of his shirt and marking each freckle on his neck with a glossy, strawberry X. It wasn’t long before my hands too followed this path, emboldened by the little sounds that my kisses coaxed from his throat.

While I was far from being an expert, I had long-ago decided that the dark blue Henley which looked so damn sexy on him would look even better hugging the floor instead of his body. After all, that was my job. Gliding my hands back down along the low planes of his stomach, I felt him tense. Flawless he was not, but even his imperfections were stunning. Where one might expect a run of hard muscle my palms found a story instead. A run of scars that told me everything I needed to know about the man in my arms. This unearthly beautiful, selfless man was human after all. I smiled against his jawline, tongue and teeth brushing skin as I spoke lowly, “So Pinocchio, you are a real boy.”

His laughter seemed to shake something loose within him as he ducked his head to nuzzle at my pulse, rigid strings loosening with my joke, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.” Confidence restored, he hefted me into his arms, legs draping around his sinfully narrow hips and began the ascent to his room. Needless to say, by the time was the night was through, me and Kelly Severide could’ve have provided a more detail mapping of one another than any expert topographer.

***

The following morning was almost as deviant as the night before resulting in a type of breakfast in bed that was more satisfying than any food. Looking him over as he stood near the bed, I couldn’t help but snicker, “Jesus Kelly, I think your pants are even tighter than mine.”

He shrugged one shoulder, a cheeky grin slipping into place as he shimmied his pants up over his boxers, “Yeah, well I’ve got better legs.”

I pulled his pillow into my chest. Eyes closing briefly at the scent of him lingering there, “Mhmm. Well I didn’t hear any complaints from you about mine last night.” Just the statement alone had my mind wandering to the bruises that he had left there. This was the happiest that I had been in a long time. A feeling that Kelly had no problem crushing as he pulled a long-sleeve CFD shirt over his head and came to sit on the edge of the bed. He brushed my wild hair back behind my ear with an almost sympathetic smile, “I don’t know how to say this. Hell, I don’t really want to say it, but with you coming in to work as relief for Dawson soon, I’m not sure that this should happen again. At least not while you’re with us.” By the time he started talking I was already pulling away. I knew where this was headed. The easy let-down. Grabbing my shirt and panties from the floor, I decided that I needed to leave right then. Before I got in any deeper than I was. “Y/N.” He had moved to block my path, head ducked and eyebrows raised as he tried to catch my eye, “Hey, don’t do this. I’m just saying that I’m not comfortable with working the way that Casey and Dawson do. I can’t live like that. I’m not that type of-”

I cut him off, “You’re not that type of guy. I get it.”

The way he looked at me made me feel as if he was searching my soul, “Do you?”

My shoulders shrugged of their own volition, “Not at all, but I’ve got to try right?”

Kelly’s slender fingers brushed against my chin, “You don’t have to. I don’t want to lose you though. You were my friend before all this. I don’t have many of those.”

I reached up to wrap my smaller hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to his palm before lowering it back to his side, “Maybe you should stop sleeping with them then.” He seemed crestfallen at my comment until he noticed the way that I had tucked my lip between my teeth, “Stop that. I’m trying to be serious here.” Trying my best not to cry or laugh I leaned forward to capture his lips with mine one last time, “You’ll never lose me, Kelly.”  
***

Twenty-Four Hours Earlier

 _Vrooom_.

Yes, yes, yes! The sound of the Triumph finally turning over as I started her up was the most beautiful thing that I had ever heard.

Weeks of fenagling and bittersweet exchanges with my go-to mechanic had left me fearing the worst when it came to ever getting the thing up and running. The out-of-pocket expenses that I might have accrued to get it done had had me reconsidering ever having brought it with me but Kelly had reassured me that he was pretty handy with a toolbox. Reassurances that proved valid time and time again and we spent hours huddled around bike parts.

It had taken me and Severide more time than I would care to admit to find our groove again after our night together but once we did, we were closer than ever. He had come to know me better than any other person aside from Matt and my mom and I had become a fixture in his life that was only ever rivaled by his connection to one Leslie Shay. And we were more than willing to live with that.

Glancing down at the motorcycle between my legs, I imagined the gas it might save me in rush-hour traffic when compared to my car and debated calling Kelly to partake in her maiden voyage. A thought that I shoved out of my mind when I recalled that he had a date. He had moved on and I was still clingy to some vestige of hope that he really did care and our working together was what had him backing off.

Shoving those thoughts to the back of my mind I began to ease back off the clutch.

That was the last thing that I would be able to remember for a while.

***

Waking up in an emergency room should have terrified me but at this point it was just par for the course. Sitting at my bedside was a redheaded doctor that I had only had the pleasure of meeting a few times before at Molly’s and this very hospital, “Ah you’re awake! How are you feeling Y/N?”.

I groaned as pain split through my head like a hot iron, “I’d feel a lot better if you’d stop yelling.” Dr. Halstead laughed, “That’s about what I figured. I’m not yelling, you’re just concussed. I will have someone come in and give you something for pain in just a bit. Just give me a minute to check a couple of things first, huh?”

As Will moved around the bed, checking for all of the typical neurological markers, I began to notice that I could hardly recall any of the events that had led to my current position, “Hey Will? How did I get here?”

Dr. Halstead stopped shining his light in my eyes long enough to reach out and probe the back of my head. A hiss of pain escaped my mouth at his movement. “You were brought in about an hour ago, took a nasty spill off that old bike and got treated to the house special. A nice ambo ride, a CT Scan, and a beautiful collection of stitches on the back of your lovely cranium.”

I frowned thinking of the bill that all of that was going to accumulate before another thought hit me, “Will, did you call anyone while I was out?”

The guilty look on his face said it all.

“I called Matt. He was your emergency contact and I knew he’d freak out if someone else told him first. Don’t worry, he knows you’re doing alright and I’ve convinced him to stay where he is.” Huh, that was odd. The sheepish look on Dr. Halstead’s face told me that I wasn’t being given the entire store. “William. Who else did you call?”

A hard rap on the bay window answered my question, “You called Severide?!” I hissed, “Dirty traitor.” Will leaned over to finish filling me in even as he began to wave Kelly inside, “You can’t drive right now and that stupid bike landed on your abdomen and left you with some pretty solid bruising, I figured you could use his help. Don’t worry, we ran an ultrasound to check for free fluid. There wasn’t anything to be concerned about but you really shouldn’t have been on that motorcycle in your condition.”

My stomach dropped as the doors began to slide open, “What the hell do you mean, my condition?”

“You’re pregnant, Y/N.” Before I could probe him any further, Kelly’s long strides were eating up the floor to reach me. He seemed intent on performing his own evaluation of the situation, not seeming to care for mine or Will’s opinion. Once he seemed content that everything was in working order, he cupped my face in his palms, a small sardonic smile in place as Dr. Halstead weaseled his way out of the room behind him, “You’re a dumbass. You know that right?”

Staring into his eyes right then and remembering the news that Will had just dropped, I couldn’t help but agree, “Yeah. I’m starting to pick up on that.” Severide shook his head, moving his hand to mine and plopping himself next to me on the bed, “No. Seriously. You are a mess. What the hell would you have done if no one had found you? Or if Will hadn’t called me?”

I knew this lecture was coming, but the least he could do was lower the volume and have a little sympathy. For God’s sake, I had a boo boo. As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, he squeezed my hand a little tighter and leaned forward, “Don’t think for one second I am going to reward your stupidity with mollycoddling. I agreed to help you with the Triumph on the condition that you not try anything without me. You broke that deal so that means that I don’t have to be nice. Got it?”

“Aye aye, Lieutenant!”, I raised the hand with the IV for a mock salute which he caught with a frown, “Hey, don’t do that.” Kelly’s tone was serious, face becoming drawn as he looked for the words he wanted, “Don’t blow it off like it was nothing. You could have been seriously hurt. I got that call at work. Do you have any idea how freaked I was when the Emergency Department’s number popped up on my phone and you hadn’t answered any of my texts?”

I hadn’t thought of any of that. I had been trying to put some distance between Kelly and I for my own emotional welfare but between my preliminary shifts at the house and our continued trainings, I hadn’t been very successful. Now, to hear how concerned he had on my behalf? Well that had set me back by a mile, That and the fact that I was carrying his child.

“Kelly, I-”, My whisper was cut off as Dr. Halstead reentered the room with his usual flair, discharge papers waving above his head like a flag, “Alright, I would normally keep you for observation but our valiant officer here has agreed to keep a tight leash on you for the next twenty-four hours or so to make sure you wake up from all your naps in fine form. So, I’ve got prescriptions or paperwork. Which would you like first?”

My free hand snapped out to grab the prescriptions from his hand. Knowing Will there was a script for a prenatal in that pile and I was not up for explaining that right now. Kelly took control of the discharge paperwork, rearranging his work radio so that he could balance the clipboard on his knee. Signing on the necessary lines with a rapid efficiency that made me wonder just how many times he’d been a patient, he returned the forms to Will, “Don’t worry about a thing Halstead. I’ve got her from here.”

Wait a minute… the circuits in my brain finally caught up to the two men discussing me as though I wasn’t there, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dr. Halstead tried his best not to grin and beat a hasty retreat as Severide turned sideways to look my way again, brow raised in challenge, “You’re coming home with me tonight. You have officially been signed over into my ever-loving care.”

Oh no…. that was not happening. I began to scramble up, intent on getting my legs over the edge so that I could prove just how much I did NOT need any help. I could walk out of this building right now, on my own, no problem. Kicking the scratchy hospital blanket loose, I tried to slide around my babysitter, only to have him catch my ankle as it swung by. Eyes closed tightly and neck getting redder by the second, “Sweetheart…” My eyes darted up as his fingers reached to smooth my hospital gown back down, “-You aren’t wearing any clothes.”.

Sweet baby Jesus. No wonder the man was the color of a beetroot. I had just flashed him my…well, everything, “Kelly, I am so sorry. I didn’t even-”, he stopped me before I could really get to rambling, “Don’t worry about it. Nothing I haven’t seen before, right?”. He winked.

Now it was my turn to blush. Smarmy bastard. “Quit making that face and hand me some clothes.” He did as he was asked with a quiet cackle, passing me the bag that he had carted in with him, “Here. The shirt might be a little big but the sweats should fit just fine if you tighten the band.” Great. Smelling him surrounding me certainly wasn’t going to do me any solids when it came to moving on.

I didn’t bother to ask him to leave as I changed. Especially given what had just happened. And I certainly didn’t protest as he leaned in to help me maneuver the oversized shirt over my head. 

Once I was no longer flashing the world my assets, I made sure to throw Severide a genuine smile, “Thank you Kelly. Really. I know you said you promised Will you were going to drag me off to your place but I won’t tell if you won’t. Just drop me off at my place and get your ass to your date.” He stared at me for a long moment as if waiting for me to say something else before he tilted backward mockingly, “Oh! You were serious? How about you shut up? Me and Lindsay already agreed to a night in so you better be ready curl up in my bed and sleep today off. Besides, what could be better than getting see this beautiful face every two hours when I bounce in there to wake you up and ask you all about yourself?”

The laugh that left that echoed in from the nurse’s station at my resounding groan was the least compassionate thing that I had ever heard in my life. _Do no harm my ass_.


	3. Chapter Three

Present Day

Sitting in CEU course later that day, I tried my best to move past the fact that someone I barely knew had found out the very thing I was trying so hard to keep a secret. Someone that I would have to face in person this very weekend. I was nearly positive that my day could not get any worse. “Mornin’ Doc.”

 _Fuck me_. _I was wrong_. Rather than responding I simply glared, reality making it clear that no matter how long or how often I did it that annoying smirk could not be literally melted from her face. “What do you want Leslie?”

Grinning at my hostility she moved to straddle the chair across from me, “Can’t a girl just take a minute to visit with a buddy?”

I couldn’t help the dry laugh that escaped my lips, sharing this course with her was a rare highlight to life here, “Yeah, no. You just came over here to milk me for new gossip assface.”

“Well you know, I have heard that nipple stimulation can be very erotic.”

Great, now she was just being lewd, “You’re such a-”

“Pig? Yeah, I know.”

Looking at the blonde-haired woman in front of me I couldn’t help but marvel at the way her narrow eyes always seemed to glitter with undisguised mirth. This was a woman that could find the humor in even the worst of situations. Something that I, begrudgingly, could not help but admire. The way that she was leaning on the table in front of me showed off lightly muscled forearms gained from years of hard work and portrayed a level of relaxation I knew she never really felt in the classroom setting.

“Ms. Shay, since you seem so firmly planted in your current position might I suggest we make it permanent? Perhaps if you sit next to someone who actually does her work you will come to understand the point of attending a lecture, hmm?”

Leslie must have been as lost in her musings as I was since the sound of Captain Schmidt’s voice caused her to attempt to stand with both feet still hooked around the legs of the chair. The resounding crash that followed brought me entirely too much satisfaction. That was until the Captain’s words registered in my brain. “Umm sir, there’s really no need to move her. I don’t need a study partner.”

“What you need matters very little to me. She is partnerless as are you, so voila, partners everywhere.” With that Schmidt, turned on his heel and walked back towards his desk. Shay’s eyes peeked over the table. Horrified, we stared at each other, neither of us willing to move. This was not going to end well.

***

One hour, forty-five minutes, and twenty-three seconds. That’s how long I had been plotting the murder of the woman next to me. So far, I had ruled out strangulation, battery, and stabbing. My lack of physical strength presented a problem for the first two while sheer messiness of the last option was the primary deterrent. Well, that and my desire to keep my pen clean.

Looking down at the dummy spread out lifelessly before us, I felt the bile begin to rise in my throat as my stomach began to churn in earnest, the feeling was enough to drive me from my seat and towards the door. Halfway there I heard her gratingly earnest voice call out after me, “Wait! Doc!”

Squeezing my eyes shut I prayed that today would be the day that Leslie Shay learned to take no for an answer, “Not right now Shay.”

It wasn’t.

Rising from her seat she followed me out the double doors and into the courtyard, “Hey, are you alright? Would you just stop and talk to me for a sec?” It was less a question and more a frustrated request.

Growling I turned on heel to face her, “I don’t-” _Oh no_ , whirling around like that had not been my best idea, “Oh God.”. Shay’s face as vomit covered her shoes would have been comedic if it had been anyone else doing the puking. It was all I could do not to make a run for it as I stared down at her ruined trainers in horror. The sheer embarrassment of the situation made my stomach roll again and I made a quick move towards the bushes at the edge of the sidewalk to avoid any further humiliation.

“Jesus Doc.” Leslie’s voice was like honey on a burn as she moved up behind me and gently pulled the wayward strands of hair away from my face as I threw up yet again.

“Ugh, Shay. Please just-” Another heave and my entire breakfast was gone for sure.

Being who she was, Leslie had already called Dawson to come and get me as well as wiped off her shoes by the time I had finished blowing chunks and regretting all of the decisions that I had ever made to lead me to this moment.

I hadn’t even been aware that Gabby was back in town until her wedged sandals stopped in front of me. Joy. If she was back that meant that her boyfriend would be as well. As if reading my mind Dawson crouched to look me in the eyes where I sat, “Don’t worry. We just got into town. Matt is meeting with Boden. I was going to head into Molly’s to do some work on the books when Shay called and told me what was going on. Is it your head?” The concern written on her face served to remind me that, before she had been a candidate on Truck 81, Gabriella Dawson had been one hell of a paramedic. “Not exactly. Could we talk somewhere more private?”

Dawson nodded, brown eyes warm and understanding, “Of course. Antonio is waiting in the car. I’ll have him take us to the house instead. We’ll get dolled up a bit and meet up with Matt later. Sound good?”

Not in the least. “Sure”.

***

The ride back to Casey and Dawson’s place had been uneventful to say the least. Shay had buggered off with the excuse of needing to shower me off, something that had me blushing with both shame and a bit of retaliatory pride, while Antonio had stuck around claiming that he should make sure his sister didn’t get carried away with her new toy.

Apparently, I was the toy.

Something that I didn’t figure out until I had been showered, scrubbed, and completely made-over by the fiery Latina that had come to be like family. Now I was looking at what she considered to be appropriate options for a night out

Scanning the outfits in front of me, I immediately skipped over the skimpy black dress. Not a chance. I felt pretty successful, having navigated the questions about my health in way that quelled Gabby’s need to know things but had failed to account for her older brother’s investigative abilities, “Go with the flowy halter-top in the middle and a pair of skinny jeans, it’ll keep pressure off of those bruises and be more comfortable with the baby-bloat.”

I was agreeing before I realized what he had said, mine and Dawson’s head snapping up in shocked synchronicity.

“Antonio! Callate!”

“Calmese, Gabriella.”, He leveled me with his soft, knowing eyes, “Sorry kid. I didn’t know you weren’t sharing. Heard Gabby say that you were sick and put two and two together when you were avoiding some of the tighter options she laid out. I’ve got my own spawn. I’m familiar with the signs.”

My head bobbed and I sucked my lip between my teeth to worry it, “That’s alright. I’m just still processing myself. I hadn’t even thought about how I might tell other people.”

“Have you thought about how you might tell the father?” Antonio’s question was innocent enough as he moved the clothes out of his way to sit on the edge of the bed but it had me riled, “I tried to tell him this morning. He wasn’t interested in hearing it.”

Dawson’s eyes furrowed, expressive brows almost dancing with suspicion. She knew exactly who I had been with this morning, “If you don’t mind me asking… who is the father?”

Her brother reached out to swat at her, “Now who’s being nosy, Gabriella?”

She ducked out of his reach, my silence seeming to be enough of an answer to satiate her curiosity for now, “You know what? His loss.” The fire in her eyes told me that she had one hell of a bone to pick with Kelly Severide. She wanted more of the story than she was getting but for now she was more inclined to let simmering rage on my behalf satisfy her.

Antonio was quick to pick up on the tension in the room, moving to grab the outfit he had suggested and shove it into my arms, “She’s right. Go on and throw this on. Gabby has a job to get to and me and Jay are going to run over to the school and take your car back to your place.”

Warmth welled in my chest and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to wrap my arms around the man’s neck, pressing a quick kiss to his warm cheek, “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

He patted my hip, pushing back gently, “Hush. You’re getting me all wet. Go dry off and finish up. If you decide you can’t take a night on the town just give me a call and I’ll have someone come take you home, alright?”

I bobbed my head once and stepped out of his way so he could bid farewell to his sister. Moving back into the bathroom, I took a moment to admire the clothes he had chosen and grinned. A simple, backless and loose-fitting mint-green halter top and a pair of dark wash denim skinny-jeans. Simple, elegant, and most importantly, comfortable.

Gabby slipped through the door behind me as I was admiring the clothes, she had loaned me, a pair of neutral ballet flats and a cropped suede jacket in hand, “Here. I thought you might need these.”

I was still smiling as she gently curled my hair into a low ponytail and applied my makeup, a wicked gleam present in those chocolate brown irises, “Knock him dead, girl.”


	4. Chapter Four

Entering a bar with Gabriella Dawson was always a bit anticlimactic given how gorgeous she was and how much I felt that I paled in comparison but the atmosphere at Molly’s didn’t change for anyone. It didn’t matter who you were or what you had seen that day, everyone here was on equal footing.

Sending me off to search for Casey, she made her way to the back room to check-in with Herrmann, leaving me with one last hard look that made it clear that I shouldn’t touch a drop of alcohol tonight unless I wanted to lose a limb. I didn’t need to be told but the reminder that someone cared was nice all the same. Keeping my head low, I pushed through the crowd in search of my best friend in the world.

Close to giving up entirely I was debating the merits of just chickening out when a familiar mop dirty blond hair caught my eye. Moving as quickly as I dared, I made my way toward the bar, navigating a seemingly endless mass of gyrating bodies in order to reach out and tap the shoulder of the young man in question, “Matty.”

Matthew Casey swiveled, brows furrowing in momentary confusion before recognition dawned and he unfolded himself from his seat with a soft grin and opened his arms in greeting, “Y/N!” His exuberant hello was not squandered on me as I immediately buried my face in the almost-sweet, pine smell of his black crewneck. This was a man whom I had always trusted without question. This was my best friend.

Pulling back, I took the time to the survey the changes that our weeks apart had facilitated. There weren’t many. Scars still danced up the length of his tan arms and a smoke bomb still burned half-lit in the sky of his eyes. Only one difference really stood out to me. Prodding his slender form, I crinkled my nose and tugged playfully at the honey colored mass that seemed to cloud his head, “You look homeless.” The irony of my statement was not lost on me.

He smiled wider, reaching out to lay a gentle hand against my elbow as he looked me over in return, “Well you don’t. You look fantastic.”

 _Of course, you’d think so. These are your girlfriend’s clothes_. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the idea of him not recognizing the very clothes he had probably stripped her out of a dozen times, “You have to say that. You’re my best friend.”

Casey shook his head and lowered himself back onto the stool behind him, reclaiming both his seat and his drink simultaneously, “Wrong. As your best friend, it’s my job to tell you that you look like a troll and then remind you that I love you anyways once you get upset.”

I chuckled, “Warts and all?”

He nodded “Warts and all.” Looking away from him I did my best to diffuse our sentimental moment and avoid the sincerity shining in his eyes. Recognizing my discomfort, he cleared his throat and did what he does best, he raised the stakes. “Right then, you want to tell my why you’re wearing Gabby’s clothes and wandering around a bar looking like you’re going to ralph when you could have just waited at the house for me?”

 _Fuck! He did notice. Damn him and his Zen-master observations._ I gulped, “I felt like getting out for a bit and Dawson helped me out.”

Appraising me with his lazy, cool blue gaze he arched one uneven brow and called me on my bullshit, “And?”

Sighing, I finally decided to admit defeat and slid onto the barstool beside him recalling the vintage I had seen Mustang parked out front on my way in, “I was looking for someone.”

If Matt was curious at all it didn’t show, “Severide.” It wasn’t a question.

“So, he is here?” I tried to contain the surge of hopefulness that I felt at the news.

“Yeah he is and you shouldn’t be.”

The new voice caused Casey to jump, spilling his beer down the front of his shirt and into his lap. Recovering himself, he pressed a warm hand over mine as the other wrung bitter liquid from cotton. He was leaving me before the battle started. _Traitor_. Running his thumb across my knuckles he caught my eye, “I’m going to go find Gabby. Come find me when you finish here, okay?” His words held the silent promise of a finished conversation. At my nod, he briefly acknowledged the newcomer and left me to face the familiar alone.

Swiveling on the barstool I leaned back, careful to avoid any wet spots left behind after Matt’s disappearing act, “Well hello to you too Shay.”

Eyes the color of stressed denim completely discarded my snark, “You shouldn’t be here.”

I rolled my eyes, _same bird-different song_ , “So I’ve heard.”

Sliding into Matt’s abandoned seat she glanced at the shot of Jack that Herrmann had slid my way, sitting untouched on the bar before me. Shay fiddled with the pack of promotional matches laid in the ashtray, “Are you going to drink that? ‘Cause if you keep yapping I may just have to use it to light myself on fire.”

In the girl I used to be, her sarcasm would have sparked a wildfire, one that she would’ve undoubtedly paid for a thousand times over, but in the woman that sat next to Shay now there was nothing. Not even a flicker. “You know damn well why I’m not touching that drink” I muttered, still trying to stare down my reflection on the back wall.

From the corner of my eye I watched as a single neat brow was pulled upward into her hair like a puppet on a marionette string, “Do I?” Now she was simply being infuriating.

Sliding from the barstool and lamenting the loss of my ability to imbibe alcohol, I pulled the match from her fingers and dropped it into my glass, “I think you do.”

Before I could make to move past her, a thin arm shot out to block my procession, long sleeves leading straight to the warm palm which was now pressed flat against the slight swell of my stomach, “You need to tell him.”

My breath hitched in my chest as I fumbled for some indignant reply about her minding her own business but the glaring difference between the genuine concern on her face and her haggard appearance cut me short. “I know.”

It had been all too easy to forget that Shay had been there this morning. That she had taken the brunt of my first real case of morning sickness. So easy, that I hadn’t even stopped to think of the conclusions that she might draw or what she might already know. After all, her and Severide were as close as any two people could be while remaining platonic.

Being in the bar where everything had begun, knowing that the father of my child was somewhere charming his way through the female population left a bad taste in my mouth. One that I tried to escape before I lost even more of the little bit I had managed to eat that day. Shoving through the patrons, I had almost made it to the door when I caught a familiar set of pigeon-blue eyes and doubled-back faster than I knew was possible.

I had managed to ignore the man all day since our confrontation this morning and that was a streak I was hoping to continue. No matter what Leslie Shay may or may not have chosen to share about the day’s events.

Turning hard on my heel, I almost tripped right into the table of police officers behind me. A steady hand on my side being the only thing to stop me from a nasty spill.

“Jesus. Are you okay?” The eyes that looked at me now where far warmer than the ones that I was fleeing, “Umm. Yeah. I’m fine Jay. Just trying to find Casey again. Sorry for the crush.”

Detective Jay Halstead was a much cooler character than his brother Will, but just as devoted to his work. With darker hair and a meaner look, he was definitely the Yin to Dr. Halstead’s Yang.

Jay made sure that I was steady before releasing me, “It’s fine, Y/N. Will told me you took a bit of a spill yesterday and Antonio let me know you might need a ride home tonight. You sure you’re feeling alright? You don’t look too good.” He leaned in to get a better look at my pupils and I could almost feel Kelly’s indignant stare behind me as he brushed my bangs aside. This couldn’t go on. “Thanks Jay but I’m fine, I-”

A callused hand on my hip cut me off, “She’s already got a babysitter Halstead. I can take it from here.”

The arrogant tone had me seething.

Jay’s eyes widened slightly before darting between me and the fireman at my back with something akin to humor. Raising his hands in surrender, he took a step back with a laugh, “Easy now, Severide. I didn’t mean to step on any toes. Just following orders. I wasn’t aware she was taken.”

Those words were the final straw. I wasn’t a piece of property. I was a goddamn human-being with valid feelings and opinions. And right now, I was feeling a totally valid need to express just how pissed off I was.

“I’m not!” Smacking Kelly’s hand from my side, I shoved past the detective and dove back into the crowd. I knew Severide would follow, could hear him telling me to just slow down and let him talk, but the rapidly developing migraine combined with an embarrassing swell of emotions had me in a state of adamant refusal.

I dashed around a thoroughly confused Otis who was just trying to keep out of Severide’s way but only made it as far as the storeroom in the back before I was caught. Big hands gripped my waist, turning me around in a fluid motion that made my poor brain spin, and trapping me against a wall of solid muscle and aftershave.

“Kelly, let me-”

His mouth crashed into mine.

There was no gentle glide of lips just the clacking of teeth and hips as we hit the wall. Gasping I became an almost involuntary member in his play for dominance over my mouth. Tan arms blocked me in creating a prison of contrast against his dark green dress-shirt.

My hands pressed tight against the cool tile behind me, I couldn’t decide if I was trying to escape or dive deeper into him. Moving a trembling hand between us I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him impossibly closer. Kelly’s hand inched around to cover mine as if he were reassuring himself that I would not accidentally, nor intentionally, strangle him in a moment of blind panic. The warmth of his grip brought me tumbling back into reality and I gave him a hard push. “What the hell!”

He didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish, “Sorry. I panicked.”

“And so you decided to shove me into a wall with your tongue?” My scoff did nothing to hide the fact that I was out of breath.

He quirked an eyebrow, “You ran.”

The sarcasm I aimed his way was deadly, “Gee, I’m sorry. I panicked.”

We stood there for what felt like hours, breath coming out in hard pants as we waited to see who would snap first. Who was going to cave? I couldn’t afford to have it be me. Not when I knew that I hadn’t been his last thought the night before or his first thought this morning. Not with Detective Erin Lindsay less than thirty yards away waiting on him with a big smile and an even bigger heart. Just no.

Gathering the last of my courage around me like a coat of armor, I did my best to look unaffected, “We can’t do this Kelly. You said so yourself. You’re not the kind of guy to make this work.” His eyes followed my lips almost religiously as I spoke, “I know. I just… I can’t stop thinking about-”, he stopped for a moment to collect himself, eyes moving back to mine, “The what ifs are killing me here Y/N. Seeing you in the hospital, taking care of you, it was confusing as hell.”

I swallowed thickly. This was the man that I had fallen for. Earnest and open. Reaching to cup the nape of his neck, I ran my fingers across the fine hairs there as he searched my face, “We’ve been doing this dance for weeks Kells. And we can’t keep it up. It is or it isn’t. No what ifs. You’ve got a wonderful woman sitting out there, waiting for you to give her the time of day, and you are in here with someone you sent packing not all that long ago.”

Kelly’s mouth opened and closed, hand coming up to grasp my wrist, “It wasn’t like that and you know it. I told you, between the job and Casey…we wouldn’t stand a chance.” He hadn’t refuted Detective Lindsay’s involvement in the conundrum.

Licking my lips, I tried to work out how to tell him that there was another factor involved. One that far outweighed the dangers of the job or Matthew Casey’s protective tendencies. “Kelly, I’m-”.

The service door swung open with a bang as Herrmann fell through.

I was getting really fucking tired of getting cut off every time I spoke.

At Herrmann’s suspicious gaze, me and Severide moved away from each other, hands dropping back to our sides as though we had been burned. Moving past the older gentlemen to get to the door, I hovered momentarily. I didn’t want to leave Kelly on such an ambiguous note but my options were limited given our current audience.

Shooting him a soft, sad smile I said the only thing that I could.

“I’ll catch you later Severide.


	5. Chapter Five

Getting me home that night had been Matt’s chore. Something that was neither new nor intimidating to him. After my confrontation with Kelly, I had been in no mood to hang about any longer than was absolutely necessary. A sentiment that Severide seemed to have shared seeing as he stormed out of the bar only moments after we had been found by Herrmann, a tired Shay close behind.

Casey had taken the sudden down-turn in my mood to be a result of the injuries that I had sustained the night before and insisted that I stay with him and Dawson until I was feeling more myself. I agreed as soon as I had seen the look of determination on Gabby’s face.

It was time to bite the bullet and tell Matt everything. Or she would.

Trying my best to waylay his worry over my health, I had allowed him to drag me to his truck with minimal protest. Climbing inside and listening as he prattled on about this and that during the drive.

I loved the man, I did. But I couldn’t have cared less.

Not with my phone buzzing incessantly within my coat pocket.

I didn’t need to look to know who it was.

Reaching into my pocket, I held the tiny button down until the phone became blissfully still. It was going to remain that way for the rest of the night, even if I had to smash it.

Reaching his street, Casey pulled up along the curb and ushered me out of the vehicle and toward the house, “Make yourself at home. You already know where everything is. I’ll grab you something of Gabby’s to sleep in for tonight and throw the dirty clothes you left here in the wash so you have something to put on tomorrow.”

Moving into the living-room, I took a moment to just breathe as Matt made himself busy. This was a safe space. I could finally relax. Readying myself for what might come, I followed his trail up the staircase into the master bedroom where he was collecting my things, “Matty. I need you to look in my bag.”

He stopped his movements to give me a confused look. We had never had many boundaries between us but we certainly never dug through each other’s things. “Just do it. There’s some paperwork on top. Read it.” As usual, he didn’t question me. Moving to do as I asked with sure hands, trusting that he would find an answer soon enough that he wouldn’t have to ask questions.

With the paperwork in his hands, I was able to see the exact moment when he realized exactly what it was that he was reading. Eyes darting rapidly between me and the test results. Not a word was spoken between us as he replaced the papers and handed me my toothbrush instead. Glossing over things as he processed and I made my way to the bathroom.

I giggled as Matt came to stand beside me at the sink, handing me the toothpaste as he grabbed his own brush. I couldn’t help but try and diffuse the tension, unable to keep the smile off of my face as I stared at it the sanitary cap covering the bristles, “Well hello Clarise.”

The look on his face as he judged me via reflection was priceless. Leaning against the counter I watched as he mentally reviewed everything that had just taken place. From me needing rescued from class that morning to the very real hospital documents that he had held in his hands only moments before. He could be at it for hours if I left him to it and I was in no mood to drag this out, “Just ask already.” My voice brought him out of his stupor and further into my space, “So you’re pregnant? Like, with a kid?”

This boy had seen too many movies. I scoffed, “No, a goat. Of course, it’s a kid you dumbass.” My pun was lost on him. His train of thought leading him down a path that I was sure was going to end right where I didn’t want him.

I watched him put the puzzle together piece by piece. Filling in spots that were best left unthought of. The way his eyes widened when he finished the image in his mind was almost enough to warrant a snapshot.

“Kelly fucking Severide.”

***

4:30 a.m. came faster than anticipated, especially in the cold Chicago winter. Being as quiet as possible, I waited until I had made it all the way down the stairs before attempting to slip my boots over my double-layered feet. Casey and Dawson didn’t have to be at work until seven and I sooner die that wake them from their slumber just to get me there in time to fill out paperwork and pick up my uniform. No. After all they had done for me, a bus would do just fine until me and my car were reunited.

Pulling my hat down low over my ears, I stepped out of the door and into the dark frigid air, making sure to lock the door behind me as I went. The concrete porch beneath my feet and the street lights shining out above the sidewalk only served to emphasis the loneliness that I was feeling.

Sighing heavily, I adjusted my bag and shoved my hands into my pockets, mentally steeling myself for the quarter-mile walk to the bus stop. Stepping down off the final porch step, it wasn’t the ice that brought me to halt but the ’68 Ford Mustang parked against the curb, puffing out condensation in the snowy night like some kind of bejeweled dragon. A comparison that, if correct, made the man leaning against its passenger door my knight in shining armor.

“What are you doing here Kelly?”

He scuffed the toe of boot along the ground in front of him, leaning forward to chase my gaze, “You never answered your phone.” Until this very moment I had managed to forget that I even had one to begin with. I shrugged, still waiting for a real answer.

He frowned, “I called Casey when you didn’t answer last night. He mentioned you might need a ride in a bit early to your first real shift at the station.”

Meddling son-of-a-bitch.

I had known Matthew Casey long enough to understand that this was his chosen method of letting me know he had accepted my news with good grace. I also knew him well enough to recognize a passive-aggressive expectation when I was looking at it. He now expected me to share that news with Kelly.

Closing the distance between us, I allowed myself to take him in. Stubbled cheeks red with cold and pale eyes hard with something unsaid. If I had my way, that something would remain that way. “So, you decided to drive across town almost two hours before shift to be my chauffeur? Sounds logical.”

The down-turn of Severide’s full lips deepened at my snark, “By all means, you want to walk? Go right ahead. But when you slip or get mugged, don’t come crying to me. I’m actually surprised Boden’s even letting you come in given the fresh stitches you’re rocking.”

I almost snarled, I was not in the mood for his overbearing bullshit and I certainly didn’t have time for it. Swiveling on my heel, I moved to make my way down the street. A move which had him stepping to intercept me immediately.

He sighed, narrow eyes looking even tighter with exhaustion, “Look, that was uncalled for. I’m sorry. Just...just let me give you a ride. We don’t have to talk about last night or us. Just a ride. Okay? Please?” I could tell by the look on his face that he wouldn’t have been able to let me walk away if he’d tried. It wasn’t who he was. He was a born protector.

My internal debate didn’t last long.

It was him or the cold.

Reaching for his hand, I allowed him to walk me to the car, “Where’s Shay? Don’t you usually drive her in?”

Kelly tightened his grip briefly as we moved over a particularly icy patch of sidewalk, “Yeah, I do but she’s been riding in with a girlfriend of hers lately. I don’t ask questions and she doesn’t overshare. It’s a pretty sweet deal.”

I chuckled. The idea of anyone convincing Leslie Elizabeth Shay not to overshare was pure gold, “Yeah? You have to sell your soul to get her to agree with that?”

His laughter in return was soft…honest. He shook his head, free hand reaching up to fiddle with the Squad 3 cap on his head, “Nah. Not my soul. Just my firstborn child.”

I couldn’t be sure if the swell of nausea that covered the ground in front of us was a result of my condition or the nail he had almost hit directly on the head with his comment.

***

It had taken approximately fifteen minutes for me to convince Severide to even let me in his car and another twenty-five on the ride to the station to reassure him that it was just first-day jitters that had had me rattled. Even now, sitting in the warmth of the locker-room, new uniform laying in my lap, I could see him glancing intermittently at his trainers as if they might combust.

They very idea of putting the contaminated objects in his locker clearly disgusted him and he was obviously trying not to hurt my feelings. I laughed out loud, “Christ Kelly, just hand them here. I will put them in my locker and wash them for you later.”

His sigh of relief was audible as he turned to face me, “Seriously? That would be awesome. Not that I care about the shoes, I just... I already smell like smoke, I don’t really want to smell like-”, I cut him off with a wave of my hand, the very thought of any word associated with vomit leaving his mouth making my stomach roll. “I get it. No worries.”

Shoving the shoes into the back of the locker used by relief workers, I let my eyes roam the room, relishing in the lived-in feel and sense of family as the sounds of the last shift tapered off and the new shift began to taper in. Work pants hanging unbuttoned around his hips and CFD shirt thrown over one toned shoulder, Kelly was the very picture of relaxed. Propped against the door of his own locker and eyes squinted in my direction, he didn’t even blink when the first of his men stumbled into the room.

Tony and Capp froze, the sight of me jarring them out of their sleep induced stupor. Even with all of our time at Molly’s, these were both gentlemen that I had managed to avoid an introduction to but I still knew how pivotal, they were to the 51 family. Taking a moment to take in the situation, Capp was the first to speak, “Hey boss, who’s the chick and why is there puke on her jeans?” I looked down at my pants in horror and Tony elbowed him, a lecherous grin eating up his face, “It must have been one of THOSE nights. Up top, boss-man!”

Severide ignored the arm that was extend for a high-five, slipping the shirt from his shoulder and sliding it over his head, “That chick, is Lieutenant Casey’s friend that I mentioned was coming in to relieve Dawson since her move to truck. I gave her a ride in today and she got a bit nervous about having to meet you idiots.”

Capp scoffed, leaning into my space conspiratorially, “I’ve seen the way he drives. I wouldn’t feel well after taking a ride from him either.” His words resulted in the both of us having to dodge Kelly’s heavy work-boot as it flew in our direction, Tony cackling with glee as he collected his gear.

It was all in good fun but Kelly’s voice took on an entirely new tone when he noticed the wince on my face after having moved too fast, “Alright, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, get out of here so she can change. That’s a direct order.” He merely had to raise his brow in silent challenge at their hesitation to have them retreating just as quickly as they had appeared.

Otis, who had entered during the exchange, took a moment to squeeze my arm in a subtle hello before gathering his own belongings and addressing Severide, “What about you?” If looks could kill he wouldn’t have stood a chance. Muttering a quick ‘sorry Lieutenant’ under his breath, he shot me a smile and scuttled away behind the other two. No doubt to gossip in the common room like the little old ladies that they were.

Waiting until they were out of earshot, Kelly moved to my side, already prepared to answer the question I had been about to ask. The same inquiry in fact, that Otis himself had tried to make. Kelly pursed his full lips, “I figured that you might need help again.” He gestured vaguely in the direction of my stomach and I flinched.

He cocked an eyebrow, no doubt following my more perverse train of thought, “With the bruising, Y/N.”

Relief coursed through me at having dodged that particular bullet and I found myself nodding in agreeance before I could even think about it. Clothes had been a real bitch to manage and I couldn’t find it in myself to deny me or him this opportunity to close the distance between us. I had missed the man in front of me more than I would ever be willing to admit and he hadn’t even gone anywhere.

Brushing his hands along my sides, he pulled the loos-knit sweater and thermal shirt over my head in a single, practiced maneuver. I couldn’t help but remember the last time that we had been in this position and what the result of that night had been. I blushed when he stopped his motions, a sharp inhale the only sound he made, realizing that I had never done up my pants because of the tenderness the pressure of the band caused.

Severide’s fingers ghosted over the dark bruising that mottled my stomach, tracing each one with a gentleness that would make one think it was him that had to feel them, “Y/N.” My name was uttered on an exhale.

I folded his larger hand into my own, squeezing once, “I’m fine, Kelly. They look worse than they are. Really.” His gaze remained glued to them, almost as if he were memorizing their outline on my skin and willing them away, “That bruising didn’t look like that when I picked you up after the accident.”

Looking down, even I could acknowledge that they looked far worse than they had then. The two nights since the accident had darkened them to a deep purple and left them feeling raised and sore, “I know, but this is normal. Dr. Halstead mentioned that this might happen in the discharge instructions.” What I didn’t mention was that he had also asked me to come back in if that happened.

Kelly still didn’t seem satisfied but helped me step out of my pants all the same, “Hmm. And the swelling?” My hand flew to my abdomen as he ushered me into my regulation clothes. Effectively covering the source of concern but allowing the question to hang heavy in the air between us.

I shrugged, trying to think of something that I could say that wouldn’t be a lie.

“It will just have to run its course, I guess.


	6. Chapter Six

And run its course it had. For three weeks, me and Kelly walked a tightrope. For every reason or way that I would find to tell him, I would find an equally compelling reason not to. The first had me pleading with Casey and Dawson just to wait until I had gotten a follow-up with Will to make sure things were going okay while the second had me begging Shay to simply allow me to wait out my first trimester.

And the third? The third had me avoiding the problem entirely as he walked on eggshells wondering, in that typical way of his, just what he had done to drive a wedge between us. It wasn’t fair to him and the longer I waited, the more stressed about his possible reaction I became.

I had hit the end of my first twelve weeks and Leslie Shay was about to snap.

Working with her over the past couple of weeks had been something that I never knew I was missing. In fact, she had rapidly become someone that I found myself relying on when things got rough. A kindred spirit.

But I never went to her about this.

Never burdened her with things that I knew her first instinct would be to share with Severide. I couldn’t. She wouldn’t be culpable for my cowardly ways.

I had tried my best to leave my feelings in the locker-room that day but every sweet ‘be careful’ or playful handling had me back at square one, pining over something that he had been very honest about not being possible.

The longer that I held out, the tenser that things became between him and Matt. The two of them finding any excuse to have at it without any real logic. At least not any that Kelly was aware of. In his eyes, it must have seemed as though Matthew Casey had lost his mind. And in a way, I guess he had. Matt wasn’t built to keep secrets from the people that he loved and keeping this one was clearly drowning him. Things had boiled over to the point that I had caught Herrmann making a crack about investing in a spray bottle to keep the two men apart while Mouch suggested just turning the hose on them.

Casey had overheard them as well which resulted in hard day of running drills for the older gentlemen.

In the time that I had been there, I had come to love the men and women of Firehouse 51 with everything in me and they had accepted me openly in return. Severide and Casey held very different pieces of my heart while Herrman and Mouch had become the father and uncle I hadn’t even realized that I had needed. Capp and Tony may have remained suspicious of the relationship between me and their Lieutenant but were welcoming nonetheless. Dawson and Shay had my back and Jones was a constant and unrelenting thorn in my side.

Mills and Cruz were unfailingly kind.

And Otis had dived into our friendship heart first.

Chief Boden was a different story. The man knew more than anyone I had ever met and held that knowledge close to his chest. It was impossible to tell where I fit in his grand-scheme. A truth that I was growing more accustomed to with each shift.

Things on my end had begun to get stickier by the day. Working as relief didn’t provide much in the way of steady pay and private insurance was pricy, even with the union’s help. I ad non-work-related hospital bills piling up and asking Casey for help wasn’t an option.

Selling the bike had provided me with a way to pay off my student expenses so that I didn’t have to worry about debt but had left me without a penny to spare for my half of the apartment I had been staying in. Compound that with needing to put gas in my car and food in my belly and I really didn’t have much going for me.

Aside from the fact that morning sickness wouldn’t be a problem much longer.

Feeling the familiar swell of nausea as I restocked the ambulance, I booked it toward the station bathroom and found the nearest stall. Closing the door behind me, I purged everything that I had eaten from the vending machine at lunch that afternoon. Not stopping until it was only bile burning my throat.

Fishing in my pocket for the packet of medication that Dr. Halstead had prescribed me for this very thing, I did my best to pry the pill out of its hard plastic and aluminum shell.

The blaring of the station alarm had me jumping out of my skin, fingers dragging harshly along the ragged edge of the packet, “Ambulance 61, person in distress. Unknown causes.”

Moving to my knees, I reached for the stall latch only for my hand to slip.

Blood.

Glancing down at myself I checked for the origin.

There, along the padding beneath my fingers, was a long narrow cut. No doubt from the packaging that I had been fighting with before the siren blared.

Assuring myself it was just a flesh wound, I dropped my forehead to my knees and began to sob. Pulling my legs closer to my chest and clutching them for support I allowed the packet to clatter to the ground. Letting my hands hang loose, I felt the blood drip down my fingertips.

I heard rather than saw the lock pop-off the stall door.

“Jesus Christ Y/N/N.” The voice sounded from the doorway, causing my head to snap up. Seeing the stricken look on Kelly’s face as he stood there, pocket knife in hand and I felt the need to explain myself.

“I tried…it’s not what it looks like…”

His movement into the small space silenced me “Sweetheart, where is the blood coming from?”

Now I just felt stupid. I knew how it looked but what could I say that he would possibly believe? “When I couldn’t…the package…” I gestured towards the bloody door. “my hand… that stupid damn alarm. Shit, the call!” Severide’s hand on my shoulder to keep me where I was.

Crouching down his eyes immediately scanned the tile. Flipping the packet of Metoclopramide, he found around in his fingers Severide chuckled, “Yeah, you’re a hot mess. Shay took Mills when you didn’t come out.” Sighing he shook his head, “God, I’m so fucking pissed at you right now. Having you around is like Murphy’s Law.”

Ripping the medicine from his hands I pressed my fingers into the foil at the back and glowered. Whether it was aimed at him or the drugs I didn’t know. “I didn’t…you weren’t supposed to find me here.”

He arched one brow incredulously trying to hide a smile at my childishness, “You didn’t think Casey wouldn’t make everyone look for you when you didn’t answer the alarm? He’s been barking orders like a madman.”

Sometimes being loved pissed me off, “Fucking mother hen.”

Knowing that he wasn’t the source of my ire seemed to give Kelly some confidence and he slid down the wall to sit at my side, “He’s your best friend.”

I couldn’t help but growl at him when he said that. I just wanted to take my pills and have some goddamn peace and quiet, “He’s a nuisance.”

“How about you say that to his face?” Looking up, I saw Matt leaning against the doorframe, hair in even more of a disarray than normal. His blue eyes were tired as he came to take Kelly’s place in front of me. Sighing, he brushed the sweaty hair from my face, “I swear, you’re going to kill me one day.” His eyes darted to Severide, “Or him.”

Kelly frowned, brows furrowed and head tilted, “I’m not sure how to take that. Maybe we should get Dawson though. If she’s going to need stitches she’ll want to-” 

“Quit talking about me like I’m not sitting right here. I don’t need her. I don’t need stitches. What I need is for one of you fucking idiots to open that packet of pills before I blow chunks all over your work clothes. Kay?” I waved the pills in Kelly’s face for emphasis.

The look that Casey gave me as he helped me to my feet almost made me wither, “Go ahead and do your best Y/N. I’m not giving you anything until you talk to me. I am beyond done with this stoic bullshit that you’ve been pulling. You’re not alright! When are you going to understand that? If you want me to leave you alone to wallow then you’re shit out of luck because that will never happen. So, suck it up buttercup and clean yourself up so I can get you to Gabby for what’s likely to be another set of stitches.”

Choosing to ignore the stare down happening in front of him Severide cleared his throat, “I’m just going to go ahead and let her know.”

Without breaking eye-contact Matt scoffed, “That’d probably be a good idea.”

***

In true form, it only took Gabriella eight minutes and forty-seven seconds to suture up and wrap my new wound but within that same frame of time, the Chief moved for me to take the rest of the shift off to recuperate from whatever stomach bug I might have shared with everyone else.

It wasn’t really a suggestion and Matthew Casey and Kelly Severide were just fucking tattletales.

Arriving home after twenty straight hours on shift was a shock to the system. Especially when I found my things piled carelessly on the porch, a single hot pink sticky-note stuck to my pillowcase.

_You don’t pay, you don’t stay._

I had never thought to consider That Vi might actually kick me out of our campus apartment. An argument maybe but never this. We had discussed that it might take me a bit to catch up but that I would as soon as I started getting paid more regularly. She had seemed fine with that two days ago.

Apparently, something had changed.

Hearing the noises coming from inside the place, it didn’t take me long to decide what.

Knocking on the door didn’t do me any good and my key wouldn’t be an option with the deadbolt in place. Picking up my cellphone, I gave her a call. And then another one.

Nothing.

Considering my options was a bleak train of thought. I only had a couple that I would really be comfortable with. Sighing, I began the task of hauling the few things that I owned down to the car, not bothering to sort through it.

By the time I had finished I was exhausted and sleep was the only thing that I was considering. Climbing in the driver’s seat, I reclined it as far as it would go. Glancing at my watch I told myself that in just four hours, I would have something soft to sleep on.

Even if it was only for the night.


	7. Chapter Seven

I regretted knocking exactly two seconds after my knuckles hit the door. Turning around, I began to make my way back down the concrete steps that I had treaded so carefully earlier. _How stupid could you be? Just because his lights were on doesn’t mean he wa-_ “Y/N?” My internal reprimand was cut off as a surprised voice drew me back to my original position on the stoop. God, he looked sleep deprived. He must have just gotten home and comfortable.

“Matt-,” I was silenced by his warmth as he took my gloveless hands in his own.

“Jesus Christ kid, you’re a fucking icicle!” His hands were steady against my own as they trembled.

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t k-know where else to go. Vi kicked me out”, the words were stuttered out in a cloud of condensation as snow continued to fall around me.

He shook his head, tugging me through the entryway and into his arms, “She always was a bitch. Don’t worry about it. We can talk more when my nipples aren’t prepping themselves to cut glass.” Whether it was exhaustion or the heat of his body clouding my judgement his comment made me giggle, girly little hiccups that quickly turned to tears as he shut the door behind me. Moving slightly to tuck me under his arm he pressed a fleeting kiss to my temple, “Shh, let’s get you into something a bit more comfortable, hmm? Gabby’s watching Diego for Antonio, so it’ll just be us for a while.”

I began to nod before remembering that I hadn’t brought anything in with me, “Wait, Matt. I didn’t-.”

He cut me off with a chuckle, reading my mind. “Neither of us are going back out there. One night in some of my clothes won’t turn you into a man. I promise.” At a normal hour, his teasing may have goaded me but right now all I could bring myself to do was lean into him and sigh as we cut across the hall to his and Gabby’s bedroom. The room itself was decorated sparsely with only the occasional picture of he and Dawson and a very out of place eagle calendar to make it seem complete. Moving away from my side to rustle through his dresser drawers he glanced between me and the full-size bed in the center of the room and sighed, “You’re going to have to sleep in here with me.”

My eyes snapped from the framed image of him and Kelly that sat on his desk to his face, “What? Why?” 

Shutting the last of the drawers he held out a bundle of clothing, an old shirt of his and a pair of Dawson’s shorts, “You’re going to sleep in my bed because I am not subjecting the little person you’re incubating to the couch and I’m going to sleep in my bed because it’s MY bed. Capiche?”

I nodded feebly, far too worn-out to face a battle of wills with him.

It wouldn’t be the first time that the two of us had bunked together but it was most definitely going to be the most interesting co-sleeping arrangement we had ever had.

***

Waking up wedged between Matthew Casey and Gabriella Dawson on their full-size bed, I almost allowed a hearty laugh to escape recalling the morning Severide and I had spent together all those weeks ago. Oh, if he could see me now.

Crawling out from my spot as carefully as I could manage, I watched with a grin as they migrated together like magnets. They were so damn cute and I was beyond happy that they had come so far together. They deserved it. Leaving them to cuddle in peace, I eased out of the room altogether.

Shambling into the kitchen, I grabbed an orange from the fruit basket and threw myself into Matt’s favorite spot on the couch. He could fight me if he decided he wanted to feel some kind of way about it.

By the time that I had finished peeling and eating it they had joined me. Dawson ducking into the other room for breakfast and Casey dropping himself so close that he was nearly sitting on me. Clearly too engrossed in whatever he was doing on his phone to care about the fact that he was almost crushing me.

Shooting him a dirty look, I reached for my own cell, intent on amusing myself until I could form a coherent sentence without the aid of caffeination. I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember where I had seen it last.

Leaning into to ask Casey if he’d seen it, I finally caught on to what was happening.

It was my phone in his hand and if the intense look on his face was anything to go by, Dimples over there was up to no good. Taking a closer look, I watched in t dismay as he pulled up Severide’s contact and clicked on the little envelope. The clicks of the keyboard were like nails in a coffin.

_Coffee @ Station 10o’clk? Need 2 talk._

I had forgotten the man was pulling a double.

Not concerned about being particularly careful with the placement of my knees, I lunged for the phone, doing what seemed to be my best comedic impression of an extremely high cat chasing a laser pointer.

Matt’s eyes widened in shock as he tried to stop my assault, hands batting at mine futilely, “Ouch, hey! Watch it! Knees woman!”

Growling I dived in again hands scrabbling uselessly against his thick wrists as I clambered over him, “Give me my phone!”

With my body pressed so close to his I could feel his laughter as he tugged himself from my grip, leaning so far back that it was almost comedic as he tried to escape my reach, “No. Not until I hit send.”

It was my turn to imitate an anime character, “I swear to God, if you hit that button…” I narrowed my eyes at him, this was no time for mercy.

Based on the smirk, he was not intimidated, “You’ll what? Crush me?” I would have been offended had he not looked so goddamn delighted.

Ignoring the slight aimed at my ever-increasing weight, I reached again.

Flipping us over as gently as possible he straddled my thighs, pillows pressing the air out of my lungs as he hovered over me. I kicked out the best that I could, “Oof. Asshole. I’m telling Dawson.”

Bracing one arm next to my head, he held the phone aloft in the other and applied damning pressure to that ridiculous green button before grinning down at me. Our stare down continued for what seemed like ever until the cellphone vibrated in his hand. Sliding off me his smile widened until he was all teeth, and he flipped the screen to face me. “Ah yes, but a victorious asshole.”

_Sure. You ok? You seem off._

Sitting up I huffed and snatched the device from his grasp, “Maybe he wouldn’t think something was wrong if you didn’t text like a degenerate.”

Taking a minute to think I decided to bite the bullet and accept my fate.

_Of course. See you then!_

Glancing to where Gabby stood against the living-room wall staring into her cereal bowl as if practicing the art of divination, I bemoaned the lack of privacy afforded to me by her douche of a boyfriend, “Seriously, the last thing Kelly wants to deal with while working a double is a forced meeting set up by this inconsiderate, addle-brained meddler!”

Matt guffawed as I finished my rant and sat back against him to catch my breath, “Hey! I’ll have you know; a true meddler would have just told him for you.” He pursed his lips pompously, “Which I could still do, you know.”

I gasped at his audacity, “Gabby! Do something!”

Her reply was soft, “Hey, you know who this sounds like a problem for?” Her response was so upbeat that I didn’t even take the time to process the fact that this was Gabriella Dawson I was speaking to and let myself feel optimistic that she might be on my side, “Who?”

“Anyone but me.”


	8. Chapter Eight

Frost clung to my eyelashes as I stared up at the open bay doors looming before me, breath coming out in shallow, visible puffs despite the thick scarf pulled up to my chin beneath my heavy winter coat.

Firehouse 51 had never looked so daunting.

Herrmann, who had been watching my progression almost amusedly for the past fifteen minutes or so decided to take pity on me and jerked his head as a means of beckoning me closer to the very hell I was trying to avoid.

As the closest thing to a parent that many of the guys had he had taken it upon himself to play the role of house-father. A role that allowed him a certain amount of leeway went it came to meddling in their personal affairs. It was clear that, by simply hovering long enough for him to get a look at my red-rimmed eyes and Rudolph impression, I had managed to flip his dad-switch.

The soft hand he set between my shoulder-blades verified that theory.

“Tell me, Y/N, were you ever gonna come in or were you hoping one of the boys would take you out with one of the rigs on the way down the drive?” Discerning the humor from the concern in his question was a difficult task.

I flinched as my face pulled into a grimace, cheeks still numb from the cold, “Was the second one an option?” Herrmann’s eyebrows shot up, nose wrinkling as he whistled lowly, “Damn kiddo. That bad, huh?”

I shrugged halfheartedly, grateful that he knew when to change the subject, “You’re not working relief today unless I missed something and I saw the Lieutenant drop you off. So, that begs the question, what brings you in?”

Another shrug, “Can’t I just drop in to see my favorite fireman in the city?”

He scoffed, a sly grin turning up the corner of his mouth as he ushered me further into the warm building, “I’m flattered, truly, but last time I checked my last name was neither Casey or Severide. Process of elimination would lead me to conclude you’re here to see the latter.”

I nodded softly, “Yeah, umm… just for coffee. I need to talk to him about something.”

Herrmann’s eyes might have been narrowed but even I noticed that they saw everything. Including the way that my hand had moved to rest subconsciously above my abdomen at the mention of Kelly before my brain could catch up with my muscles and guide it back into the depths of my coat pocket. The man was a father of five and I should have realized that the signs would never escape his notice.

I was important to Casey from the start and over time me and Severide had found common ground. That was enough for these men to accept and include me from the start. To make me part of their family. And Herrmann went to great lengths to protect his people. That included me and the little howler monkey I was harboring.

“Well come on then, let’s get you in there before I get an earful about monopolizing your time and wasting his.” If I had known then how much of my own time I would be wasting, I might have stuck it out on the apparatus floor with Christopher Herrmann.

Contrary to what either of us might have thought, Kelly Severide was not waiting in the common-room. In fact, based on Mill’s best estimate, he had taken Squad on a bit of a fieldtrip just before I arrived.

As Acting Lieutenant on this particular double, Herrmann wasn’t able to stick around for long and I felt myself rapidly losing the will to have the conversation that I had built myself up for even if the man in question did show up.

I sat in that common-room for what felt like hours, waiting. Twiddling my thumbs and telling myself that Matt was right. I couldn’t run from this and I would only be able to hide it for so long. Especially now that Herrmann had made the connection.

Already, the men were talking. Milling in and out as they tried to accomplish their daily chores around the station before shift-change. I could feel them questioning my presence even as they welcomed it.

The sound of the kitchen door banging open sounded like an explosion, interrupting me just as I was gearing up to call it quits and cut my losses. Squad 3 was no less raucous now than they ever were and I felt myself tense after such a long silence. Even without all of its typical members present, the group was a force to be reckoned with.

Kelly’s eyes caught mine immediately before he issued a dismissive nod in the other direction. A signal that his men took as a chance for rapid evacuation. Me and Severide were as notorious for our blow-ups as we were our fast friendship.

Stopping before me, Kelly didn’t bother to sit, instead crossing his legs at the ankle and leaning back against the table. Looping his thumbs through his radio line, he took a moment to simply look me over with his opalescent gaze.

Growing uncomfortable with the vulnerable feeling that he created in me, I began to fidget in my seat. The gravel in his voice when he did choose to speak startled me, “We were supposed to have coffee this morning. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t elaborate or explain and I wasn’t going to ask him to, “No big. I know the station has been crazy since Dawson transferred to truck and with Katie leaving you probably wanted some time to-”.

“Y/N.” My name was delivered as a soft command for silence, a large hand coming to lay upon my shoulder. One that I obeyed without thinking, “What did you need to discuss that couldn’t possibly be said over the phone? Or the other day at work? Is everything alright?” The way his thumb brushed lightly against my neck when he moved to catch my eyes in concern filled me with a sort of reluctant hope.

“I’ve been needing to talk to you since I spent the night with you. It wasn’t just about needing help after I got out of the hospital. Not really. I flaked out of telling you what I needed to and then, the next morning when I tried to bring it up again, you got all up in arms about it. I need to tell you now though, before-”

“Erin!” I was getting really tired of people cutting me off mid-sentence.

Kelly’s abrupt dismissal of my words as someone else entered the room behind me was the final straw. Standing up, I squeezed his bicep in a silent farewell and sent a smile in Detective Lindsay’s direction, “Do what you need to do Lieutenant. I’m going to go ahead and leave you to it.”

Severide’s eyes widened, thick brows furrowing slightly as he glanced between Erin and myself. Torn between loyalty to a friend and the desire to discuss whatever was making him itch with the pretty cop. Sliding his hand down my arm, he gave my fingers a soft squeeze, “Call me, okay? We can meet up later and talk whatever this is out. I promise.”

Nodding softly, I made the fastest getaway I could and I just kept walking.

***

I don’t know how long I walked for but eventually I couldn’t contain the emotions welling up inside of me or the cold air making me ache anymore and pulled out my phone, jabbing a finger against the screen for number one on my speed-dial.

It only took him three rings to answer.

“Matt”, my voice broke and I heard the talking cut off on the other end of the line as Dawson yelled at her brother and his friends to shut up.

“Y/N/N, what’s wrong?” At the sound of his voice my knees buckled beneath me and I began to sob in earnest. Through the speaker I heard him curse, “Y/N, where are you?”

Taking a deep gulp of air, I tried to control my breathing, “The corner of Kedzie and Belmont I think. Fuck, I don’t know! I didn’t actually pay attention when I stormed out.”

Casey chuckled dryly, “I take it you didn’t tell him then?” Another sob ripped past my lips, “Calm down,” he soothed “-you shouldn’t be wandering around like this. Just sit tight, we’re on our way.”

***

Being picked up at one of the worst intersections in Chicago with tears and snot frozen to my face by a dress-up couple in a privately-owned construction truck probably looked like the worst attempt at prostitution in the history of ever.

A unique combination of curious and exasperated, Matt and Gabby took turns between interrogating and fussing over me. As if I weren’t a fully functional adult with a bun in her oven. Before I knew what was happening, I was being ushered up their steps, stripped of my limited winter gear, and swaddled onto their sofa with a cup of cocoa in hand as they alternated between raging at me and on my behalf.

“So, you went there to meet him, waited for God knows how long, and he just floated off with Erin Lindsay without even hearing you out? What kind of bullshit is that?”, Matthew Casey had perfected his ability to bitch about the things Kelly Severide did or didn’t do years before I had even set foot in Chicago.

“That isn’t what she said Matt. She said that she TOLD him to go ahead and go. The man gave her a chance to talk if she wanted but she bailed out because of their audience. Not that I’m judging mind you.” Gabby was totally judging.

Deciding to speak my piece, I butted in to defend me and Severide both from any further defamation of character, “He did say to call him and we could meet up. I didn’t just jump ship. There’s a plan in place. I’ll call him. I promise.”


	9. Chapter Nine

I didn’t. Call Kelly, that is.

I couldn’t bring myself to hit the button that would essentially pull the trigger on my being able to keep this thing to myself for as long as humanly possible. On my being able to preserve as much of me and Severide’s relationship as possible.

Matt had glowered so much that I feared his face would become stuck in that position.

And Gabby? Gabby looked like she was about to shove my phone somewhere unpleasant and then release my secrets into the wind for her own benefit. She was not a patient woman. This much I had learned.

But neither was Kelly Severide a patient man.

Or a bad friend.

Before I could be subjected to Dawson’s less than medical insertion of an electronic device into one of my orifices, my phone vibrated loudly against the polished surface of the coffee table causing everyone to jump from their silent stalemate.

Swiping my thumb across the screen I stared at the message.

_I’m off now_

I scoffed. Obviously, he was off work if he was texting me. Not sure how to reply, I watched as the three bubbles appeared indicating that he was typing again. Ooh, the infamous double-text. Two more messages appeared in rapid succession.

_I told you to call me later_

_It’s later_

Hot damn. The man was bossy. Dawson peered over my shoulder, chin resting on my shoulder as she waited for me to make my move. Taking a second to press my head to hers, I breathed in her perfume and tried to calm myself, “What should I do?”

She arched one perfectly shaped brow and gestured to my phone as it buzzed yet again.

_Y/N CALL ME_

“You heard the man, girl. Call him.” Her voice was low and soothing as she watched me panic internally, “He clearly wants to hear what you had to say.”

Matt scoffed from his position at the counter and Gabby shot him a look that would’ve had wilted a lesser man, “You got something to say Matthew?”

He shook his head and waved his beer like a white-flag, “Not a damn thing, baby.”

Her head returned to her original position, a whisper brushing across my cheek, “Not a damn thing is right.” I chuckled. The girl had him whipped. I loved it.

Another buzz.

_Text me?_

Texting. I could do that. I was a more than capable texter. More than willing too. My fingers hovered over the buttons, a smile tugging at my lips.

Dawson smacked my hand, “You are not telling that poor man that you are pregnant via text. Think classy not trashy, Y/N.”

Casey snorted into his bottle, something that sounded suspiciously like ‘poor man my ass’ slipping out over the rim of this drink.

I pouted. Texting was my white-light, my way out. Maybe if I just… Gabby leaned back, a quick flick to my ear making me almost drop my phone entirely, “Absolutely not, Y/N/N.”

I cradled the abused lobe, “Jesus! Fine. No texting. Got it.”

Picking my phone up from where it had landed on the decorative cushions, I opened the newest message.

_Look, I’m getting worried. Let me know everything is OKAY. Please?_

Aww. That was actually really sweet. Not surprising in the least but sweet. Me and Dawson exchanged one of those secretive looks that are only ever supposed to happen in cheesy BFF-style films. The one that’s supposed to say ‘this is the one’ but always comes off more like ‘I’ll take two’.

His final text had me reevaluating my previously level of adoration for the man and remembering the Type-A bag of dicks that he was capable of being.

_Meet me at Molly’s in an hour or I am coming to find you._

***

Forty minutes later I was stood in front of Molly’s, staring at the lit up open sign like it was an omen of doom. In a way it was. What was a sanctuary to most of the civil servants of Chicago had become of vengeful beacon of all of my most recent mistakes. And my current spinelessness. I strongly considered fleeing the scene before remembering that Dawson had brought me in order to avoid that very thing. I would have to get a ride from Kelly or wait through Gabby’s shift.

Sighing, I moved closer to the building. One step at a time.

The big solid wood door swung open, Severide pushing out into the cold, keys in hand.

He was brought-up short halfway out by the sight of me. He cleared his throat, “Y/N. I was just coming to find you.”

I stepped toward him, glancing at my watch with a laugh, “Really? I had about twenty minutes left on the clock.”

He dropped a leather clad shoulder in a quick shrug, eyes narrow, dark and laser-focused, “Figured you were a flight risk, best to arrive early and head you off.”

My head bobbed once, hair bouncing around my shoulders as I moved to stand beneath the arch of his arm where he still held the door ajar, “That’s… that’s a fair assessment given my lack of communication earlier.” I took a page from his book and offered apology with zero explanation, “Sorry.”

He grunted, dropping his arm so that his hand rested on my spine and pushing me into the bar, back bracing the door as it fell shut and helped us inside. Moving us toward the nearest empty table, Kelly helped me out of my coat and onto my stool before shrugging out of his own jacket and dropping down across from me.

Ever the gentlemen, Kelly signaled Herrmann, who brought me water and sent me a wink, cupping my hand briefly before moving on to the next patron. If Severide questioned his choice of drink, he didn’t say anything about it. Something that I was grateful for.

“You going to tell me what it was that you needed to talk about?” Kelly’s posture might have been relaxed but he seemed anything but. He was pissed. I couldn’t blame him though. I had jerked his leash enough today.

“Yeah. I..uh…yeah. I guess third time is the charm, right?” The chuckle I let out was more than a little self-deprecating, “I know that it’s going to change things but I wanted to let you know that I’m-”

A cold grasp on my bicep cut me off, “When were you going to tell me that you lost your place?”

I was starting to feel a lot like a skipping record.

Facing Shay, I took a moment to admire the indignation on her face. Indignation on my behalf. She must have just finished speaking to Gabriella, “I hadn’t gotten that far yet. I was actually just about to talk to Kelly.”

Her eyebrows twitched as she caught onto the double-meaning behind my words. Her lips formed a little ‘o’, “Shit, I’m sorry Y/N.” I shrugged; it was too late now. A different cat had been released from a different bag.

Warm fingers on mine brought me back to earth, “Is that what you wanted to talk about, sweetheart?” Kelly’s eyes were deep and earnest as they caught mine. Concerned for me and worried that he might have missed the signs that I needed his help, “How long ago? If you need a place to stay, me and Shay have got you covered. You know that.”

Damnit. This conversation was not heading in the direction that I had hoped.

I tried to reign it in, “Kell, I’m fine, really. I’ve been crashing at Matt and Gabby’s.” He scowled, “I’m not sure I would consider crashing on the couch an ideal solution.”

I frowned, pointing a finger at him, “It’s a fold out.”

Leslie chortled, “She’s got you there. Be careful Y/N. He’s wearing his grumpy-bear face.” I nodded emphatically, bumping her lightly before reaching out to soothe the crease in Severide’s forehead, “Isn’t it the cutest?”

Kelly slapped my hand away from his face, “Knock it off.” He snapped, “Could you two be serious for a second?” He refocused on my face while we giggled like school children, “Honestly, are you okay with that?”

I couldn’t help but smirk at his irritated version of extending his welcome, “Dude, you just freaked out because me and Shay couldn’t behave in public. Are you sure you could handle us living under the same roof, DAD?”

His face turned up in disgust, “A, don’t call me that... like ever, and B, I’m good with kids. I think I’ll manage.”

Shay lunged to clap me on the back as I began to choke on my water, Severide moving to check on me too as I turned red, “Christ, Y/N. Are you alright?” I nodded, a cough still trapped behind my lips, and issued him a quick thumbs-up, “Solid, Lieutenant.”

Kelly scrubbed a hand down his face as he plopped back on his stool, “I swear, I should just start calling you Murphy.”

“Don’t you dare.” I rasped.

He just laughed as Leslie continued to rubs my back, “In all seriousness though, you had me thinking you were dying or something. I wouldn’t have been able to stand for that. Making sure that we keep a roof over your head? I can handle that.”

Standing up, Kelly leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead, “Hang tight for a minute sweetheart and I’ll go settle me and Shay’s tab with Otis and give you a ride back to the Casey-Dawson homestead if that’s what you want.”

I admired the strength in the man as he made his way to the bar, cracking jokes and saying hello as he went. He was obviously well-liked and respected among his colleagues. Even if he was a hard-headed control-freak with womanizing tendencies.

I saw Shay’s hand before I felt it.

Wrapping strong, pale fingers around my wrist she looked at me with pleading, kaleidoscope eyes and an envelope in her free hand, “I pulled some money out while you were busy staring at Severide’s ass. Please, just take it Y/N/N. I know you’re hurting for it. Just like I know you won’t ask any of the others.”

The truth really did hurt but I was glad she had waited to bring it up.

She saw my pride begin to swell even before I did and gave me a soft shake, “Swallow your goddamn pride just this once and take it. Put gas in your car and stock-up on pregnancy snacks. I don’t know, just use it.”

Her other hand still held the proffered envelope, the envelope containing a gift that would indebt me to a woman who was coming to mean a great deal to me. I took it. Clasping Shay’s hand in the process I pulled her into a hug, breath brushing against the soft strands of hair near her cheek as I spoke, “You’re a far better person than you’d like to admit Leslie Shay.”

I felt her chest vibrate against mine as she giggled, reciprocating my embrace with a tight squeeze, “I’m really not. I just want the best for the pseudo niece or nephew that you’re incubating.”

I chuckled. _Bitch_. “I’m guessing nephew,” I murmured, “and there’s nothing pseudo about it.


	10. Chapter Ten

It may have taken a little over a week to get our shit together but me an Kelly were falling into a respectable rhythm, me trying my best to respect the boundaries that I had set for myself in regard to his blooming relationship with Detective Erin Lindsey and him doing his best to break through the lines I had drawn.

He checked in everyday, verifying that I was still within my comfort-zone on Casey’s hideaway, and coming by even when we weren’t on shift together to make sure that I had eaten something besides Cheerios. I could only imagine what he would be like if he knew.

As asinine as it was, that was of the boundaries that I had set. So long as he was happy, I wasn’t going to push him into anything. Not after I had seen the man lose almost everyone that he had gotten close to. I’d let him keep his sweet detective as long as he was smiling like he had been.

The fire that truck and squad were working this particular afternoon was nothing more than a quick burn with a side of property damage but the tweaker who had started it was another story entirely. As me and Shay struggled to secure him, he had grown increasingly irate, hissing and spitting at us like some kind of demented sewer rat.

Sick of his shit and more than ready to move on, I moved to pull the restraints over his shins. A stupid and ill-conceived idea that ended up getting me in more trouble than it was worth. Leaning over the gurney, I had almost secured my end when a sharp pain set me back on my ass.

Mills rushed to stop the man from scrambling upright, telling him to calm the hell down before CPD hauled him off, and Matt and Herrmann moved to my side. Severide, who had been watching the asshole struggle with a protective glower, began to move in our direction but I waved him off and worked on regaining my breath. I wasn’t a damn damsel in distress and was more than capable of handling one psycho with a dope problem. I just needed to brush myself clean and walk it off. Glancing down, I sighed.

There, on my dark blue polo, was a perfect dirty boot-print.

“You okay?” The concern in Casey’s voice was confusing until I realized exactly where I had been kicked. Not wanting to draw any attention to it, I brushed him off, “Umm, yeah. I’ll be fine. Let’s wrap this up and get back, hmm.”

Both men looked like they wanted to argue but a wave from Shay had me standing and moving towards the ambulance before they could. Checking one last time to make sure that our passenger was secure, Shay’s fingers grasped my wrist, “We’ll stop by and see Will or Connor at the hospital. Make sure you’re really okay.”

I started to shake my head, “That’s not really-”, she cut me off, “As acting PIC, I am telling you to shut-up and get in that passenger seat before I make a scene.” If there was one thing that I would never argue with, it was Leslie Shay’s ability turn a single incident into a performance, “Let’s go then.”

***

Pulling onto the apparatus floor an hour and a half later felt like coming home. Dr. Rhode’s had been unnecessarily thorough at Leslie’s behest and therefore I had left feeling unnecessarily violated and irritated.

Climbing down from the ambulance, Shay let me know that she was going to make her report before leaving me to the wolves. I hadn’t gotten a chance to text Matt and he was understandably worried as he approached, “Come on Y/N, Gabby is going to drive you in to get looked at. You took a hit out there today and you’re in no condition to be taking risks.”

A few feet to my left Herrmann hummed in agreement before I could say anything, “He’s right kiddo. Best not to take any risks with your situation being what it is.” His eyes got wide as his words tapered off and it only took me a second to realize why.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kelly’s voice floating over my shoulder was like taking a Taser to the lungs, “Holy mother of… for God’s sake Severide, I’m going to make you wear a bell.”

The look on his face was enough to tell me that he was too invested in the conversation to be amused or deterred, “What situation are they referring to Y/N?” The question sent my hand on an involuntary trip to rest above my pelvic bone. A movement that his eyes followed avidly.

As did Peter Mills’.

“No way! Really? Congrats Y/N.” That kid always had been a quick study. Damn him.

“You’re pregnant.” It wasn’t a question and Kelly was not happy.

Pete moved forward with a smile dimpling his sweet face, “I can’t believe you’re going to have a baby! Who’s the lucky guy?” Even I didn’t miss the way that everyone’s eyes but Herrmann’s darted briefly in Casey’s direction.

 _Idiots_.

I might have laughed if I wasn’t scrambling around inside my head looking for an exit plan, “I-”, the way Severide was gnashing his teeth set me back a stride until he stepped closer and opened his mouth, “I’m curious to know the answer to that one myself.”

Good ol’Petey boy had really dug me a hole to lie in and Herrmann, God-bless him, tried his best to get me back out, “Real funny Lieutenant. Poor girl’s been through enough today without her baby-daddy crackin’ jokes. The squad boys got a poll going or something?”

Huh. Who could have possibly guessed that Herrmann’s help would turn out to be so unhelpful?

Kelly’s silence was absolute, the look in his eyes unreadable as he processed the information under a black cloud of his own damn stoicism. His men didn’t have that problem.

Capp’s hand clapped down on Severide’s shoulder, lips spread from ear to ear, “Hoss, you’re having a kid?” Kelly ignored him. There was a storm brewing behind his bright eyes and it simply hadn’t decided who to land on.

His gaze darted from me to Herrmann and Mills and back before settling in on Casey like a sniper scope, “You knew?”.

Up to this point Matt had been as quiet as I, taking things in and letting them play out as they may at my side but Severide’s voice seemed to shake him from that stasis, “I’ve known for a while. A couple of us have.”

He didn’t lie. He wouldn’t.

Kelly inhaled sharply, chest rising like he was in pain as his fists clenched at his side and he swallowed hard, clearly fighting back a rising tide of emotion. No one knew what to do. The idea that their Lieutenant hadn’t known about his own child a bitter shock that I would have to face later.

Matt stepped away from me, mouth opening and closing as he searched for the right words, there were none.

Capp and Clarke couldn’t have stopped Kelly from lashing out if they’d wanted to and the sound of his fist connecting with Casey’s jaw was enough to make me sick as Dawson scrambled against Cruz in a desperate bid to intervene.

Herrmann and Mills rushed to move me as Matt’s body collided with the pavement at my feet, “Stay out of it, Y/N.”

Both men barely spared me a glance.

“Get your ass up, Casey.” Severide’s eyes were puffy and red and I could tell that he was trying not to cry. “I said get up!” Matt’s body curled in on itself as he tried to stand again only to have his ribs crack under the force of Kelly’s faded black boots.

“Get the fuck up!” Again, with the ribs.

Peter let go of me to make a beeline for the office. I knew that this was wrong, that someone should stop this, but no one moved. No one wanted to take a side. Start a war. We all know this isn’t Kelly. Severide has certainly snapped before but not like this. Kelly Severide is not the kind of guy who loses his cool, but it was happening.

Right here in front of everyone.

The mayhem that followed was inevitable.

I watched in horror as my disheveled best friend drove to his feet and slammed the father of my unborn child into a row of equipment racks by his collar. The blow seemed to drain Kelly of all of his rage.

He wasn’t even trying to fight back.

By now all that seemed left was a hollow shell but watching him take this punishment so demurely almost broke me. Whatever was happening, Severide had decided he deserved it in the matter of moments since landing his last hit.

His lack of response seemed to enrage Casey further, “For fuck’s sake, it wasn’t my place to say anything!” Kelly shrugged; head slumped as he refused to make eye contact with the man before him.

“What am I supposed to say to that man?”

The growl that ripped from Casey’s throat was animalistic, “She tried to tell you! It’s your kid, man!” My heart slipped into my throat as my hand moved to my belly. It was a stark reminder that they were fighting about me. I felt Gabby’s fingers twine with mine as Cruz released her in silent support as Shay returned, jogging to my side to offer her own, confused but willing to help.

I could not tear my eyes away from the scene in front of me, could almost see the image of Renee Royce flashing through Kelly’s mind as he said the words that would rip me in half, “Is it?”

Until this point, I had never seen Matt strike someone, and seeing it now, I couldn’t contain the startled breath that flew from my lips as I lunged, scrabbling at his cotton covered shoulder in a vain attempt to pull him back. “Next time you decide to hang a girl out to dry, make sure her best friend doesn’t work with you.”

Kelly wiped the blood from his nose, the angry spark starting to reignite at the sight, “Is that how it all went down? That I hung _her_ out to dry? Pretty funny since we only slept together once”.

That wasn’t exactly true but that wasn’t a detail that I intended to share.

The door to the common room swung open as Matt lunged again, interjecting a very confused Chief Boden into the limited space between the other boys. “What the hell is happening here?” The three of us froze, my hand still in the air.

***

Being in the Chief’s office was awkward on a normal day.

Being frog-marched into the Chief’s office by the man himself because your best-friend and your one-night-stand decided to bloody each other in the open bay over a secret pregnancy? That was just mortifying.

Shutting the door behind us with a bang, the Chief looked every bit the man in charge. Hands on hips, obsidian eyes fixed on each of us, waiting to see who was going to put their foot in their mouth first.

We all remained silent, no one wanted to step in it.

It only took a moment for Boden to snap, “Well?” He barked, “What is happening in my fire station?” I flinched at his tone and Casey frowned. The poor guy wasn’t used to being anything other than the golden-child.

I decided to face the firing squad head-on, “It’s because of me, sir. It became public knowledge just a few moments before your arrival that I am pregnant.” Boden scratched his chin, gaze bouncing between the other two men in the room like a racket-ball, “I see. And I am going to assume that, seeing as it wasn’t you and Gabriella Dawson throwing hands, that is a fact that has nothing to do with Lieutenant Casey here.”

I nodded, “You would be correct, sir.”

Kelly scoffed, “This is bullshit.”

Boden’s face hardened turning to take in the way his other Lieutenant had stiffened, “Do you disagree with that assessment Severide?” The question was issued almost as if he were daring Kelly to say what was on his mind.

A thing Kelly Severide rarely ever had an issue doing, “Not entirely, Chief. I just feel like it might have been good to know before now.”

“Because you are personally invested in the matter.” Boden wasn’t asking. He already knew. He hadn’t gotten this far into his career without being able to connect the dots, “You’re sore because there are people in this house that knew about that child before you.”

Severide swallowed hard, hurt flashing through his narrowed blue eyes. He didn’t bother to reply. This shouldn’t have made me feel for him after what he had said earlier but it did. I knew it was on me that he was feeling this way. Looking to my right, I noted that Matt was being suspiciously silent.

He was clearly reigning in a righteous temper.

The Chief gave him a withering look, “Lieutenant Casey, why don’t you step out and give us a minute. Me and you can pick up on this ourselves later.” Matt looked like he wanted to argue but was aware that Boden wasn’t issuing a suggestion so much as a polite order, “Yes, Chief.”

Hearing the door open and shut behind me as he left was terrifying.

Boden’s attention turned back to me and Kelly as he reclined against his desk, “Now that that’s handled, let’s see if we can’t work this out before I have to make a report out of this.” Those dark eyes seemed to peer into my soul, “So Y/N, exactly how many people did you share your news with before you even thought of mentioning t to the father?”

I frowned. It wasn’t like that. At least I hadn’t thought of it that way, “I didn’t TELL any of them. The Dawson siblings and Shay drew their own conclusions after spending some time with me. Herrmann figured it out without any help from me. Go figure. And the Doctors at Med told me, not the other way around.” I took a breath and sighed, “Hell, the only one I even pointed in the direction of the information was Casey because I needed him.”

Boden pursed his lips, considering what I had just said, “I see. And when did you yourself find out?”

“Right before I started work her officially, sir.” My eyes darted to Kelly, “I had a bit of an incident with a motorcycle that I was trying, and failing, to repair. I found out at the hospital that night.”

Severide flinched at the mention of the night we had spent together. Realization dawning on him as his shoulders slumped and he reached up to scrub a hand across his face. I didn’t know what was going on in that head of his but I didn’t have the luxury of figuring that out right now.

I closed my eyes, steeling myself for what I was about to say, “No offense, sir, but this is all non-consequential now. Lieutenant Severide doesn’t believe its his anyway and I’m not going to fight with him about it. Casey won’t either. I promise.”

Chief Boden looked dubious, thick brow raised high, voice skeptical “And you can accept that? Just like that? No more drama?” He waved a hand in front of him as though he could physically sweep it away himself.

I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I needed this job and that was something that Matthew would just have to understand, “Yes, sir.”

He looked at Kelly, head tilted in question, “Severide?”

“Chief, I-” Whatever he might have said was overwhelmed by the sound of the bell tolling an inevitable disaster;

TRUCK 81, SQUAD 3, AMBULANCE 61. MULTICAR PILE-UP.

Boden grabbed his radio and moved toward the door, “Whatever needs to happen, make it happen but you lock it up out there and get the job done. Got it?” Our heads bobbed as he led the way and he grimaced, “Good. We’ve got work to do.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

The scene before us was worse than any nightmare a parent might ever conjure up in the excessive worry over their children’s welfare. The car before us was crumpled, twisted around itself like a pretzel and the adults who had been in it were perfectly fine. Minor injuries. Their son was a different story.

Inside that mangled heap of metal was a seven-year-old child wailing for a woman who had already been removed from the scene. A mother that wouldn’t even be able to comfort him as the firefighters cracked into the car that trapped him like an egg.

Shay and I watched with trepidation as Squad 3 moved to do what they did best. Prying and tearing at hunks of the Camry with equipment I wouldn’t have been able to use with a manual made for dummies.

As the car shifted, more information came through. Abdominal evisceration.

The very car that had led to the trauma was now the only thing keeping him stable.

Severide waved us closer, eyes meeting mine only briefly before he became all business, “We can’t get in there like this. If we shift the front end any more than we have already, he’s going to bleed out. We’ve got to figure out a way to hold everything in place while we finish cutting through the front end.”

Sometimes I wished Dawson was still in charge.

Broken glass crunched beneath our feet as Shay and I circled the car searching for a solution. Another wail from the child had me making my own.

“Shay’s too big to fit in there, but I’m not. If I can squeeze through, she can pass me the supplies I need to keep things together until you guys can get us out.” Shay was nodding before I had even finished. Her faith in my abilities outweighing any concern she might have for my well-being. As paramedics, that didn’t even seem to matter right now.

It was clear that Kelly didn’t agree with that particular line of thinking.

Moving in the direction of the wreckage, I felt his hand wrap around my forearm, long fingers nearly touching on either side as his knuckles flexed in irritation beneath his heavy-duty gloves. “Don’t.”

Looking at him now, I couldn’t help the twinge of affection that coursed through me. For weeks, I had been telling myself that there was nothing left of the man I knew, but looking at him now, eyes tight with concern on our child’s behalf, I could see that he was still in there. I was not going to fall into this trap again.

Yanking my arm free, I whirled around to face him completely. “You lost the right to tell me what to do when you implied, not even an hour ago, that I was some kind of whore.” I moved my eyes to the black leather of his shoes as his lips tightened in preparation to lecture me. “Quit acting like you give a damn,” I spat.

Ripping my arm from his grasp, I began to strip out of the bulky regulation jacket and turned to address Leslie once more, “Shay. I’m going to need all the sterile saline and abdominal packing that we’ve got as well a backboard ready to go. He’ll come out collared, but once you’ve got him on that board, you’re going to need to shift his knees up to his chest to reduce any tension on that wound. Have oxygen on standby out here in case his stats drop. We can deal with the rest in the ambo.” Shay moved to do as I said, even as I pushed her out of her role as PIC. Turning back to Kelly, I tried not to focus on the distress that was prevalent on his face, “Kelly.”

His narrow eyes snapped to mine, nose flared in a dangerous combination of anger and defiance.

I held his gaze, staring him down, “Kelly, get me an opening or I’m going through a window.”

In that moment, I could practically feel it as we came to an agreement. The continuous cries of a wounded child overruling any argument that we may have had as my logic sunk in. He wouldn’t fight me now but the look on his face promised hell once we cleared the scene. Moving back into action, he stripped his turnout coat from his shoulders and manhandled me towards that back window, “I’m going to shatter out what’s left out of the window here. You’ll go in over my jacket. Once you stabilize him, call out. One of the guys will pass you another coat to cover yourselves with while we work. As soon as he is free, we’ll pull you out the back using my jacket. Do you understand?”

I marveled at how quickly he was able to formulate these plans. Standing in sleet on a frozen interstate in the middle of a disaster and the only chip in his composure was because of me. A fact that might have been flattering if it weren’t so goddamn scary.

Nodding, I stepped aside as he and a reluctant Casey made short work of the remaining glass and lowered their turnout gear into place. Kneeling down, it felt like my knees and elbows were finding every hard piece of debris as I crawled, moving down into a full slide as I worked my way between the upside down back seat and the crumpled roof of the overturned car.

It was a tight squeeze and I was feeling it.

Shimmying in as far as I could get, I knew I was in the right place as my arms came back bloody and the boy’s cries drowned everything else out. Bracing myself within the smoke-filled wreckage, I wiggled and squirmed to make it into the best position possible before yelling back at my comrades, “Have Shay pass that stuff through now. There’s a space in the rear-left passenger window that should work!”

I heard Casey scramble to do as I asked, barking orders as he went.

Returning my attention to my patient I did my best to calm him as I took in the extent of his injury, “Hey baby-doll, what’s your name?” Twisted sideways like a passenger on a tilt-a-whirl, it was clear that what had been installed with good intentions, might be the very thing that killed him. Because aside from the prominent bruises and scratches, the only visible problem was the metal activity tray that been thoughtfully installed in front of him protruding from his abdominal cavity.

And it was a big problem.

His little voice was hardly audible through the blood caking his face and the anguish that it held, “Indy.”

I gave him the sweetest smile that I could muster, summoning all of the optimism that I had left, “Hey Indy, I’m Y/N and me and my friends out there, we are going to get you out of here, okay? It might be loud and scary and it might hurt, but we are going to do everything we can to get you back to your mommy and daddy.”

“Y/N/N. Get a move on in there! This whole car is spitting fumes!” Kelly’s voice sounding from the opening behind me stressed something that didn’t need to have stressed.

“I’m working as fast as I can Severide!” I slid my hands up the back of Indy’s precious blond head, subtly feeling for bumps or contusions as I moved the C-collar that Shay had slid in into place between his head and the seat, “Here we go, Indy. That was the easy part. I’m going to tape that tray real-tight to your tummy and then unbolt it. To do that I need to press on there a bit to pack-up that boo-boo before I put on the tape and that’s going to hurt, okay?”

His sobs got harder at my words but I knew that this was the best option. Leaving that tray right where it was now was the only way that this little fellow might make it to Med. It also meant straying from Kelly’s original plan.

With that tray sticking up the way that it was, there was no chance of sliding him back through the way I had come without mismanaging the wound. They were going to have to cut us out. “Severide, Casey! I’m not going to be able to pull him out the way that I came! You’re going to have to get this back door off or come in through the top!”

Kelly cursed, “That could take too long! Eventually you two are going start have trouble breathing!” I knew what he was talking about. Already the fog in the car was getting viciously thick, the smell burning my nostrils as it tried to adhere within my airway.

Grimacing, I cleared my throat, “Well, then pass us some masks and get to cutting!”

The words that came from Severide’s mouth as he moved to his feet from his place near the rear-window had me moving to cover Indy’s ears before it hit me that filtering any language that he might hear was the least of our worries. Hearing a loud whirring from the boy’s side of the car, I did my best to keep him calm as the upper portion tore away and Joe Cruz’s sweet face appeared in my eye-line, “Fancy meeting you here,” he grinned, “How about you unbolt that tray while I hold the little fella. I’ll help you lay him down after you finish.”

Jerking my head once, I helped him maneuver his hands through the narrow opening to provide support before moving my own, ripping off my outer pair of gloves and grasping for the tools he’d laid out. Working as quickly as possible, I tried to block out the noise of the car shifting around us a Kelly and his team looked for the best way in.

I was no Bob-the-Builder and the last damn bolt kept giving me the slip.

Angling myself a bit more precariously, I slid myself even farther into the car, careful not to know into Cruz’s arms as he held Indy aloft. Felling rather than seeing my body brush against him seemed to unnerve the man, “Y/N? You doing alright?”.

I coughed, “I’ve been better Joe. Almost got it. I wasn’t kidding about those masks though.” Twisting hard, I felt the final bolt began to pull free even as my arm throbbed in protest at its new positioning.

Joe’s voice was sympathetic, “I know you weren’t but you’ll have to hold out just a bit longer. You done?” He questioned as he felt the weight shift. Reaching up towards Indy, I added my strength, “Got it, let’s lower him down. Once he’s down I’m trapped though so tell squad to get a move on, yeah?”

I could feel my chest getting tighter, breath coming out in shallow pants as I helped move Indy down onto me. Ironic how easily the paramedic becomes the backboard. Once we were settled, I felt Cruz withdraw from the window as a large callused hand came to clasp mine where it lay.

“Y/N. I’m guessing you’re getting short on air in there. Squeeze my hand and keep squeezing until we get you guys out of there. We’re almost done. Don’t let go.” I had never been happier to hear Kelly Severide’s voice.

I gripped him tightly, “You took your gloves off.” I scolded, voice creaking only slightly.

His frown was something that I had seen enough times in my time here that I could visualize it, “I don’t like the way you sound. How’s the kid holding up?”

Looking down at Indy where he rested with his back to my chest, I could feel his soft cries even as his breathing grew more labored, “He’s doing alright. He’ll be a lot better when you get him out.” It had felt like an eternity since Squad 3 had started playing with their human jigsaw puzzle and I was running out of patience and nerve, “Shay better have that ambulance ready to go.” Even as I said it, I felt my hands beginning to go lax. Fumes getting the better of me.

“Hey, hey! Not a chance Y/N! Squeeze my damn hand!” Shifting back and forth between concerned and commanding with such ease was a talent that not many men possessed but it brought me a sense of piece. Hearing him throw orders around was as natural as it got.

Moving his free hand into the space as Cruz had done before, Kelly grasped the back the turnout coat laying next to me, doing his damnedest to throw it over me and Indy with limited visibility, “Y/N. Sweetheart. Get this over you. We are cutting in now.” Releasing my grip I tried to do as he asked as he rejoined his men for the final push.

The loud groan of metal tearing through metal was the last thing I heard before my world went black.


	12. Chapter Twelve

My nose tickled, air coming through so softly that I almost didn’t notice at first.

Fingers fluttering weakly towards my face, I identified the nasal canula for what it was and worked to peel my eyes open.

Bright lights and the scent of copious amounts of disinfectant.

The hospital.

The serious-faced, dark haired gentleman standing at the end of my bed in maroon scrubs just served to verify which hospital.

Chicago Med. Again.

Doctor Connor Rhodes looked about as pleased to see me as I seemed to be to be back here even as he patted my foot with a small smile, “Hey Y/N/N, glad you could join us.” It was only when he said ‘us’ that I noticed the hand in mine. Glancing to my right, I noticed Casey glaring in Connor’s direction at what he considered to be a poor joke.

I gave him hand a quick squeeze to let him know it was fine before turning my attention back to the doctor, “So, what’s the damage Rhodes?” My heart was pounding in my chest at the possibilities as I tried to remember anything from the time between the scene of the accident and waking up here.

The fetal monitor near Matt told me that at least one thing was okay and for that I was glad.

Connor’s face was impassive, “You inhaled a great deal of smoke going into that car. You’re lucky that you didn’t do permanent damage to your lungs. We are monitoring you now for any potential effects that might indicate carbon monoxide or cyanide poisoning. You POA right there, already okayed the administration of Hydroxocobalamin though so we are hopeful.” Connor bit his lip before jumping into lecturer-mode, “You know you took a huge risk in regard to the overall safety of the fetus.”

Casey’s frown intensified as he stepped toward Dr. Rhodes, “Baby. It’s a baby.”

Connor didn’t even budge under his glare, “All the same, it was risky and stupid.”

Even from my prone position I felt the nausea and dizziness that accompanied the sudden rush of anxiety and fear that crashed against me in waves, even as I defended my actions, “There was no other way. If there was, I would have taken it. That little boy is alive because I made that choice.” _At least he had been the last time that I had seen him_.

Dr. Rhode’s pale eyes lasered into mine with the sort of knowing that had made people burn witches at the stake, “That may be but either way, your child could have been in serious trouble because of the synergistic relationship between a lot of the chemicals you were sucking in. You chanced a lot in the hope of getting a miracle for a kid you didn’t even know.” I let out a shaky breath at his words. Indy was alive.

That knowledge alone wasn’t enough to calm me down.

Dr. Rhode’s moved forward a bit, a movement that told me he didn’t want to say what he was about to but wanted me to hear it all the same, “Y/N, you can’t keep doing this alone. You’re going to need someone to help you out going forward. Someone to be there for you when you need them to be. Y/N where is the baby’s father?”

The state of panic I was diving into made it impossible for me to look away from his serious face even as the door at the other end of the room squeaked on its hinges.

“I’m right here, Rhodes.”

The gruff, familiar tenor from the doorway almost caused me to sob in relief, “Kelly.”

I didn’t even have the time to process his public claiming of our child as he pushed into the room with a solemn smile to stand at my side, one hand running long fingers through my ratted hair while the other twined with my own, “Hey sweetheart. We’re gonna fight about this later, but for now I’m just happy that you guys are alright.”

The tears clogging Severide’s voice seemed to settle some internal debate that Casey was having with himself and he released my hand with a glower, “I’m going to give the two of you some time with the doctor. Call me if you need a ride home other-wise I’ll be back to see you in the morning.” Dropping a quick kiss to my temple he moved to leave the way that Kelly had entered.

Connor glanced between the three of us for just a moment before, repeating what he had just told us to Severide so that he was up-to-date as well before moving to leave as well, “If that’s all, I’m assuming that the two of you have a lot to discuss so I will leave you to it and come back in a while to check-in.”

I smiled, “Yeah, we’re good here. I’ll see you later Con-Artist.”

Dr. Rhodes chuckled and Kelly looked between me and the other man suspiciously, “Con-Artist?” Fighting the rawness in my throat, I bit my lip and shook my head as a means of forcing Connor to tell the story.

One hand one the door handle he turned to look frown at me before speaking directly to Kelly, “Y/N’s first student shift here, I convinced her that she was supposed to be shadowing Will. She followed him around like a duckling for a solid three hours before the man finally snapped and asked her just what the hell she thought she was doing. She was beyond embarrassed and I got a new nickname.”

Kelly’s eyebrows rose, he hadn’t even been aware that I had started picking up volunteer hours at the hospital for my internship. I hadn’t been in any place to inform him. Seeing that we might need the space sooner rather than later, Dr. Rhode us a quick nod and ducked out.

The room was ridiculously silent for a while, nothing but the beeping of monitors breaking up the monotony. Severide was the first to break, clearing his throat roughly, “Everyone was here. They were worried about you.”

His tone was conversational but I could tell by the strength of his grip and the way he avoided my eyes that he was anything but that relaxed so I spurred him on, “And you?

Those Carolina blues flew to meet mine, the crease in between his brows setting off just how incredulous he was, “God, Y/N. I was terrified! When your hand slipped out of mine, I thought… I thought…It was everything the guys could do to get you all out of there before I went in after you.”

He released my hand to drag his down his face. Tears following its path.

I reached up to cradle his face in my hand, thumb running a soothing line between his cheek and his mouth as he leaned into it, “Shh. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

Kelly licked his bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth to worry with his teeth, “I thought I’d lost you. And after I said what I said. I couldn’t have lived with that. I couldn’t have moved on knowing that the last thing I had said was something so spiteful. I wouldn’t have deserved to either.”

It had never occurred to me that the man beside me would somehow turn this all back on himself, take everything onto his own shoulders and carry it. I should’ve known. It’s how he was.

“Kelly, I was pissed. I AM pissed. But nothing that happened at the scene is or would have been your fault. You can’t hold yourself to those standards. You were a douche but so was I. I should have told you sooner.”

He looked so damn tired. Like the life had been sucked out of him in a matter of hours and it broke my heart. I never wanted him to feel like this. I sure as hell never wanted to witness this kind of pain on his face. He kissed my palm, one hand coming to hover briefly over my stomach before he returned it to my own.

That wouldn’t do.

Taking his large hand in mine, I rested it on my cloth-covered stomach and smiled.

He exhaled wearily, visibly deflating at my action as he addressed the elephant in the room, “You have every right to be pissed. I won’t try to change that. Shit, I’m madder than I’ve ever been but I need you to know what you and our baby mean to me. If you had lost him-” A sob ripped out of my throat at the word ‘our’, “Him?”

His grin was more than a little watery as he began to rub gentle circles just beneath my navel, “Shay told me that you think it’s a boy.” Oh, I could only imagine the things that Shay had shared with him since he found out.

Wheezing a little, I reached for the cup of ice on the table and bobbed my head in agreement, daydreaming about holding a mini Kelly in my arms. Now that was an idea that I could get behind.

He seemed to be doing his own woolgathering and I couldn’t stop myself from carding my fingers through the greying hair on his head. God help the women of Chicago, if the man looked this good with grey hair in his thirties, he was going to be one hell of a silver fox.

I couldn’t wait.

Feeling more than a little cheeky after all of the drama and emotions of the day, I couldn’t help but poke a little fun in his direction, “You know, the last time we were in a position like this was when I found out about him.”

The motion of his hand stopped, eyes darting between my eyes and my lips, “I was just thinking about something else that happened around that same time.”

I didn’t know what he was up to but the twinkle in his tired eyes promised trouble. A fact verified by him moving up suddenly onto the bed beside me. Shifting me gently so that I could lay against him and he could continue his ministrations more comfortably. I gasped in surprise, “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

His slightly chapped lip brushed my ear as his forehead pressed into my temple sweetly, “You flashed me.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

I was released not even twenty-four hours later into Matt’s care with strict instructions to take some time off between now and my next appointment so that I didn’t stress my pregnancy any more than it already had been in the past fifteen weeks. I was worried about following that advice for more reasons than one but Kelly had been there when Dr. Rhode’s had delivered his mandate and made it his personal mission to let Chief Boden know himself.

After everything, I couldn’t bring myself to fight him on it.

The ride back to the Casey-Dawson residence had been tense and silent. I could tell that my friend was fuming about something. Restraining whatever it was that he wanted to say by a very thing thread.

I couldn’t take it.

Swiveling sideways to face him in the cab of the truck, I sighed, “What’s wrong now?”

His face, the same face that I had prided myself on being able to read for years, seemed to twist in on itself. Something that I had seen that very morning when he had come in my hospital room only to find Severide asleep in my bed, “You’re going to forgive him.”

My eyebrows shot up, incredulity making itself at home in my features, “That’s what this is about?”

Matt scoffed, “Yeah, that’s exactly what this is about. You two keep playing this game of will-they or won’t they and people like me get caught in the crossfire, Y/N. It’s bullshit.”

I hadn’t thought about how my going to Matt when everything happened would affect him. Hadn’t even stopped to contemplate that he had a relationship with Kelly Severide that my predicament might have just blown to smithereens. I had been selfish in the extreme, “Matt, I-”.

He waved a hand, “Don’t. Just know, I’m under no obligation to accept the situation.”

I could feel my face transitioning from one of contrition and sympathy to one of disbelief and indignation, “Matthew Casey, are you asking me to choose between your acceptance and the father of my child?”

His silence was like a bullet to my heart.

Swinging open the passenger door, I slid form the truck and turned to face him again and snarled, “If that’s the case, then I can assure you that you aren’t going to like my answer.” Slamming the door, I stormed up the stairs expecting him to follow. He didn’t.

The sound of tires screeching behind me was answer enough as to why.

Too angry to cry, I jammed the spare key into the lock and made up my mind to move everything back to my car. It would serve my purposes for the night. If he wanted to be that way then I would find somewhere else to stay. In fact, I could practically hear Herrmann and Cindy trying to rent me their loft in my mind.

***

Fifteen minutes later, I was promising myself that I would follow Connor’s orders from here on out and as I plopped down on the couch after moving the last of my things. Just a quick break before I hooved it.

The front door swinging open changed that plan as Gabby came into sight smiling, “Hey, you! You’re home!” I smiled at her exuberance, unsure how else to answer. That seemed to be enough for her as she moved into the living-room, not bothering to take off her coat or put her purse down, “Upsie daisies. We are going down to the station for a bit. Everyone wants to see you.”

I groaned. _Not everyone_ , I thought.

Oblivious to my inner turmoil and the fact that my ass and feet were quite pleased with there current positioning on the couch, she began to gather my things for me. The word no wouldn’t have made a dent on her even if I had tried.

Deciding that spending a bit of time with the firehouse family wasn’t going to hurt me at all, I came up with a plan to make it worth my while. Kill two birds with one stone if you will.

Digging through the paperwork on the counter, I quickly found what I was looking for and grinned. If I had to socialize, I could at least make sure that the benefits outweighed the tedium. Shoving the photo paper in my pocket, I followed Dawson out the door, already working out just how I wanted to execute my plan.

“Gabby, do you think you could help me with something?”

***

Otis flirted. It was a well-known fact that the man didn’t know when to stop. It was mostly harmless but on this particular occasion Hermann and Cruz seemed sure the man might die. He had approached me as I sat at the squad table waiting for Kelly to return so that I could speak with him and my quietness had only served as encouragement.

Brian Zvonecek had been away from the station for a while but surely, he had heard all the gossip. My coat hid my growing belly fairly well but the fact that he continued to hover made me wonder just how out of the loop he really was.

Kelly Severide was notoriously possessive of the women in his life, platonic, romantic or otherwise and the ice Otis was treading was only getting thinner. “Brian, I-”, I made a move to stand but his extended hand caught the edge of the peanut bin resting on the table and sent them tumbling into my lap. The accumulation of crumbs and frustration had me pushing him aside even as he reached to help brush the pieces from my jacket.

“Otis, your hand goes anywhere near my baby and I’ll take it off with a Sawzall.”

Kelly’s voice cutting through the bay was enough to have Brian whipping around in terrified confusion, hands up as if he was about to be arrested, “I never touched her!”

Severide slipped off his jacket as he approached, leaving him with his regulation pants, suspenders dangling from his narrow hips and the radio strapped to his shoulder, “I was talking about the one hidden under that ugly-ass jacket but now that I’m really thinking about it, don’t touch Y/N either.”

I almost giggled at the tightfisted undercurrent in his voice. We weren’t even an item and he was a territorial mess. Stupid caveman. 

Stopping next to me in order to drop his gear on the table, Kelly quirked an eyebrow, “Do I need to get you a taser?”

Now I did laugh. A full, hearty sound that I hadn’t experienced in a great while.

Shay’s blonde head popped out of the back of the ambulance, “No need. She can have mine.”

Throwing the other woman, a quick thumbs-up, I leaned back in my chair as Squad 3 began to go through the motions of settling in. I watched from my spot at the table as Kelly flipped open the heavy lid of his gear box, a frown marring his perfect features as he fixed his ski-cap with shaking hands and stared down at the miniature photograph I had placed there earlier.

The trembling in his extremities grew even more pronounced as he lifted it from its plastic sanctuary in order to run tan fingers over the grainy, black and white image. The complete awe on his face as he absorbed every little detail made the trouble that Dawson and I had gone through to get it there worth it.

Noticing the Lieutenant’s stony posture as he crouched over his tools, Otis came to stand at his back, hand laid flat at the junction of Severide’s shoulders as a means of silent support. And, of course, subtle nosiness, “What is that?”

Kelly’s response was barely audible, “Who.”

The younger gentleman’s brow quirked at the odd answer, “I don’t understand.”

Clearing his throat Severide sat back on the heels of his work boots and straightened his spine, “It’s not a what. It’s a who.” The room seemed to echo in its silence as a single tear slipped down a now blotchy red cheek, “It’s my kid, man.”

Scrubbing his hand down his face, it took Kelly only three long strides to stand up and reach my side. Pulling me close, he let out a puff of air against my neck as I breathed hm in, “Thank you.”

Pushing my hands into his shoulder-blades I pressed a feather-light kiss to the CFD log on his shirt, “Of course. We might have gotten-off on the wrong foot with this but I’m working on it.”

I felt him smile, “Then so will I.”

I could barely make out Cruz and Otis bickering in the background.

“Okay. I definitely missed something.” Otis muttered.

***

Hanging out with everyone as they lounged haphazardly around the station common-room was like an overcrowded episode of Full House. And episode that I no longer wanted to be a star in.

Tired and more than a little achy, I was determined to put my foot down and get a cab home. I really needed to start driving myself. Pulling my cellphone from my pocket I stood up from the rolling chair as gracefully as possible, “Hey guys, I think I’m going to head out. It’s getting a bit cramped in here anyway.”

I wasn’t wrong. Just about every surface in the room was occupied by either a fireman or his belongings. It was ridiculous. Herrmann barely looked away from the movie that they were fixated on to note the discomfort on my face. He frowned in his typical paternal fashion, “Not a chance kid. We’ve missed you. So, pick a lap, any lap.”

I smiled. Only Christopher Herrmann would offer up everyone else’s personal bubbles without a thought, “Oh, no. That’s really not necessary.”

Gabby seemed to think otherwise, her eyes widening as she realized that I had one of the least comfortable spots in the house. She set into motion immediately, collecting her comfort items and shifting them toward her boyfriend’s space, “I’ll move over to Matt’s lap. You can have my spot.”

I brushed the hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear and tried to avoid looking in Casey’s direction. Right now, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Leslie chortled from her spot in the middle of the couch, undisguised jollity dancing in her eyes, “Nah. I ‘m sure she’d rather sit with Sev. That way they can talk about the next thing that pops-”

Her comment was cut off with an ‘oof’ as Kelly’s socked foot connected with her hip, “Actually, Shay was just leaving. You can have her spot.” I tried my best to be subtle as I looked between him and Matt, not wanting to stir any pots.

My hesitation spurred on a self-consciousness in Kelly that I hadn’t seen before as he clarified, “If you want it.”

Coming to the conclusion that I was a grown woman who could do as she damn-well pleased, I was about to take him up on the offer when Mouch’s voice chipped in from the other end of the sofa, “I’m not sure about that Lieutenant. The last time she got that close to you, she ended up pregnant.”

He had a lot of gall for a man whose name literally meant man-couch. I thought about telling him as much but a single comment from Jones had me backpedaling, “Come on, Mouch. You heard the Lieutenant the other day. The kid probably isn’t even his.”

Everyone in the room went silent. Caught between whether or not they should say something and what they could say if they did. Their responses might have been divided but they all seemed to agree on one thing. Jones was in trouble.

The look on Severide’s face as he moved an arm to the back of the couch to face the candidate was murderous, pewter eye’s flashing viciously beneath a storm cloud brow, “I’m confused as to why you’re even talking Jones because rule number two says you should shut your fucking mouth.”

Every eye in the house bounced back and forth between Kelly and Jones as if they were spectators at Wimbledon. No one knew where this was going to go but I had absolutely zero intention of sticking around to find out.

I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get stressed and this was me following through.

Grabbing my things off of the table behind me, I gave my adopted family a quick smile and ducked out of the double-doors into the hallway. As I situated my bag on my shoulder, I could hear the hushed bickering taking place behind me and began to move.

Only a moment later, a warm hand was gripping my shoulder. Expecting Matt, I pasted on my fakest smile and spun to face him. It was not my best friend. Something in me broke knowing that he had not cared enough to follow me but something else came alive at the sight of Severide.

Even if he was still wearing what I referred to as his ‘murder’ mask.

Letting go of me, he took a step back, dipping his chin to meet my eyes, “Hey, you know none of what she said was true, right? I don’t even know why I said that shit to begin with.”

I bobbed my head. We may not have discussed what he said in detail but we had certainly touched on his regret, “I know. Don’t even worry about it now. My emotions are just a bit of a mess.” He scratched the back of his head, ducking his head with a bit of a chuckle, “Yeah, I guess that one’s on me too, huh?”

I smiled and shifted my purse up my shoulder, “Eh, just half your fault. Takes two to tango, right?” I watched his mind fall directly into the gutter at the word ‘tango’, eyes darkening considerably until they were almost aquamarine. He took a step closer, “It definitely does. Oh, boy that tone was not one that a ballroom-dancing reference would normally illicit.

I backpedaled, looking for a way off the thin-ice that I was treading and back onto solid ground, “How are things with you and Lindsey?” It was like my mind had chosen her as its go-to trump-card and I was using it as a weapon.

Severide recoiled, confusion etching his face as he tried to catch up with the rapid transition in my chain of thought. He was a bright man so it didn’t take long. He shook his head, eyeing me like I might have lost a few of my marbles between the common-room and the hall, “Me and Lindsey stopped seeing each other after me and you ran into each other at Molly’s. It was good, but it wasn’t what either of us really wanted”

Being the highly intellectual creature that I was, I tried to make my reply to what could have been a real disturbance in his life as eloquent and sympathetic as possible, “Oh.” Or not.

Kelly just grinned, no doubt reading between the lines of my social ineptitude, “Look Y/N, my love life aside, I didn’t just chase you down to make sure you were alright. I mean I did, but I also wanted to ask you something while you were here. In person.”

It was easy to forget that as smooth as Kelly Severide was with the ladies, he could also be a major dork. I creased my brows, now it was my turn to catch up with him, “And the question?”

He rubbed his hands together almost nervously, “Well, I’ve been thinking about how badly we need to work things out. Talk about how we want to proceed, you know? And I came up with dinner.”

I became so caught up in his use of the word ‘we’ that I almost didn’t process the fact that he had asked me something and was waiting there with baited breath for my answer. He reached a hand out to brush mine in concern, “Y/N/N?”

I jumped.

Taking a moment to think about what he had suggested, and moved my hand to his in silent apologies and sighed, “I can’t really…”

He squeezed my fingers, “I know. Matt and Shay already took turns explaining. Besides, when have I ever made you cover a tab?” Of course, him and Casey were already on speaking terms again. I would never understand how men did it. It was like a few days glaring and a brawl settled all their problems. If only it were that easy for everyone.

Thinking about how I had angrily moved my stuff from Gabby and Matt’s house that morning, I began to curse myself. I hadn’t expected to have to face the question of my new living-situation so soon. I was already geared for Dawson and Casey’s explosion when they found out what I had done but not Severide’s. I would have to make sure to text Herrmann about clearing out his loft sooner rather than later.

“I’ll meet you at that pizzeria that you like. Tonight, at eight.” I didn’t phrase it as a question, not wanting to allow him any wiggle-room to change our plans. 

Kelly grinned, “It’s a date.”

Sometimes taking charge had its benefits.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Rubbing wet, red hands together I tried to ignore the sleet that was slowly turning them to ice as I fumbled yet again beneath the hood of my car. I had only made it halfway down the street before the ancient thing had given up on life. Nine years together and it had chosen now to dump me. If I’d known it was a quitter, I never would have had it hauled up.

Tires splashed through the sludge covered street behind me as the reflection of headlights left me blinded. Dropping my key-light in the snow beneath my feet I couldn’t help but curse my bare hand as I knelt to fish it out. “Y/N/N?”

Snapping my head around I almost landed on ass, taking in the familiar vehicle before looking towards the voice, “Kelly?” Watching him move towards me through the storm I couldn’t help but admire the way that his leather jacket fit his shoulders and the handknitted scarf brought out the starlight in his eyes. I could almost bring myself to laugh at the dusting of snow that left his hair looking like a cup of marshmallow lover’s cocoa.

Taking in my red nose and ragged appearance he pulled me up and tucked me in close in a vain attempt to share his warmth. Bringing my hands to his mouth, the hot gust of air made me shiver as my fingers thawed against his lips, “Where on earth are you gloves?”

Kelly’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked back and forth between me and the car, his realization dawning more and more with each mortifying moment of silence that passed between us. “How long?”

His voice was bitter and I felt the denial begin to slide from my tongue before I could stop it, “I told you, I-”

His resulting anger was like a whip, “Don’t fucking lie to me Y/N/N! How long have you been living out of your goddamn car?” My silence should have been answer enough but he clearly needed to hear it, “How long?!” His growl nearly pulled me from my skin as I jumped. This was not a version of Severide that I was used to. This was not a version I liked.

“This was the first night.” I mumbled.

“Jesus Christ.” He was only quiet for a moment before he moved to meet my eyes, “Why didn’t you tell me it had come to this?”

I felt my heartbeat against my ribs as I stared into the silver lining of his soul, “Why would I drag you into it? You seemed perfectly happy toeing the line.” The last part escaped in a whisper.

Those gorgeous eyes turned molten as his palm slammed into the door of my Toyota, “God you’re ignorant. Why the hell do you think I asked you to dinner?” He huffed shaking his head as I was left speechless, “I wasn’t happy. I was trying to maintain some semblance of fucking normalcy!”

That loosened my tongue with a scoff and a snarl, “Go ahead and live your stupid-ass lie then. I don’t give a shit!” Our tempers were rocketing us down the path of no return, both steadily rising to the other’s bait. Sooner or later one of us was going to take a hit that we couldn’t shake off.

“I don’t want to do that.” He was aiming; “I want you” he fired. “I always have.”

I was done for. The only defense left in me now was the rising pain in my chest as I searched his face for hints of dishonesty, a vicious thought surging forward to fuel the burn. _Then why’d you leave?_ “Well it’s not just me anymore.”

His cheeks flushed brightly, either from cold or frustration, as he exhaled, “I understand that, I do, I just-” sweater paws and pale, icy fingers found their place upon my cheeks as Kelly gave up his attempts at speech and crushed his mouth to mine. Without a cap on, I was able to trace the delicate strands of greying, brown hair as I allowed myself to luxuriate in the stark contrast between the chill of his lips and the warmth of his tongue.

Pulling away from him was the hardest thing I had ever done, “No.” _Not sure enough, stronger_ , “No. I’m not going to give into this silly guilt-trip of yours.” Pushing his hands away I looked everywhere but his face.

“Y/N/N, I-”

I knew that if I looked at him his eyes would be soft, begging for a trust I couldn’t give and a faith I didn’t have. It was these things, after all, that had broken me in the first place. “Go home Kel. This isn’t your problem. Forget about going out.”

It was his turn to scoff now, “The hell it isn’t but you’re right. Screw dinner.”

“Kelly-” at his tone I knew now that it was safe to meet his eyes again.

He cut me off with a look, “Get in the car Y/N/N.” _Umm, yeah right. How about no?_ He seemed to sense the direction of my thoughts. His eyes narrowed, “Get in the motherfucking car before I have to put you there.”

***

Throwing his keys into the dish by the door and shrugging out of his coat Severide turned to give me a once-over, eyes still hard, “Shay’s out. I’m going to go run you a warm bath. Don’t go anywhere.” Before I could protest, he was gone.

Standing in the doorway I felt like an intruder.

Returning quickly, he handed me a clean towel and jerked his head in the direction of his bedroom, “You know where everything is. Take your time. While you do that, I’ll boil you some tea and make up the couch for the night.”

Making my way into his room, I took a moment to take in the limited changes that had been made since my last visit. The large motorcycle painting still hung above a bed which he never managed to make properly and his dirty clothes were strewn across the back of the desk chair as usual. The only notable difference was the ultrasound photo that had been taped to his calendar.

“I was going to tape it up in my locker but that felt wrong. Like I was hiding it.”

Kelly had come to lean in the doorway behind me while I’d perused. Arms crossed across his chest and face stoic, he looked like a model for menswear. Dark-wash jeans and maroon Henley still in place, his now bare feet had given him a step-up when it came to sneaking up on me.

Looking at him, I could feel myself beginning to long for how things used to be between us. The easy comradery. The honesty. “I’m so sorry Kel. For everything.” My shoulders began to shake before the tears ever left my eyes and it didn’t take him long to move to comfort me even though it should have been me making amends for hiding everything for so long.

His long arms wrapped around me, pulling me so close to him that I thought we might become one. Even knowing that I didn’t deserve it, I fisted his shirt in my hands and tried to melt into his body. He was my safe-place.

Severide cupped my face in his hands, pushing me away just enough to get a look at me without dislodging himself form my hold, peppering my hair with kisses he let out a quiet exhale, “Shh. Stop it. I don’t like any of what happened but I don’t blame you for it. Okay? We’re getting it straight now and that’s what matters, hmm?”

I dived back into him, nodding my head frantically against the fabric covering his chest, no doubt covering it with snot and tears. If he noticed or cared, he didn’t comment.

Tightening his hold for just a moment, he released me to rub my arms, “Get in the tub. I’ll be downstairs on the couch when you get out. Drink your tea and the bed’s all yours.”

I grimaced, glancing at the piece of furniture in question. I could no longer see myself here, could no longer imagine myself cuddled between the sheets in his arms. Let alone by myself. This place, this room, had become a metaphor for everything that had gone wrong between us. A joke that everyone but me found funny.

I shook my head, “No. I’ll take the couch.”

The couch was just its punchline.

***

Listening to the sleet patter against the sitting room windows, I tried my best to muffle my sobs against leather couch cushions on which I lay. I didn’t want Kelly to see how just being under the same roof with him was breaking down every wall I had ever built around my heart, brick by brick.

My hopes of maintaining any of my dignity were dashed when I heard the soft shuffle of socks against carpet. Doing my best to hide my tearstained face in the shadows I prayed to every God I knew that he would take the hint and just leave me alone.

“Y/N?” his voice was soft. I knew that tone. He was feeling guilty.

Looking at him as he stood there it was clear that sleep hadn’t been working out much for either of us. His hair was tousled in just a way that I was reminded of a child on Christmas morning. A very sad child. It was all I could do to force a smile and not throw myself at him, “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Kelly’s mouth tightened into a thin while his furrowed eyebrows created a set of little wrinkles above his nose, “Y/N/N, baby. It’s four in the morning.”

The tired endearment he uttered without thinking made my heart pound.

Burrowing further into my nest of blankets I did my best to hide from the scrutiny that was etched on that beautiful face, “So?” It was quiet for several moments and I took the time to try and rein in my emotions as the tears ran freely down my cheeks.

Hearing him sigh I peered up in time to watch his lashes flutter, eyelids dipping closed as he fought a battle with himself, “Budge over.”

Now it was my turn to wage a war against myself, “Huh?”

Shaking his head in exasperation he leaned down to remove the decorative pillows from behind me and slip into their place. Once he was situated, I couldn’t help but tease him a bit, “So are you going to be my pillow now?”

My voice was raspy from crying.

Shifting slightly, he pressed himself as close as possible, his warmth seeping into me from behind, “Pillow, handkerchief, or personal stereo baby. Whatever you need, whenever you need it.” Feeling his cool breath brush against my neck as he made these promises was a comfort unlike any other.

Unable to speak past the lump in my throat I settled for reaching down and pulling his slender hands up to rest beneath my cheek as I allowed myself to luxuriate in our proximity just this once.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Waking up without the personal space heater and comfort blanket that had joined me the night before was not so much shocking as it was depressing. Knowing that Severide was notorious for picking up extra shifts at the station, I trudged to the kitchen for any signs of him or Shay have spent the morning there.

What I found was something entirely different. The kitchen was littered with sticky-notes. The first was stuck to the counter itself.

Shay’s still out. Subbing a quarter-shift. Be home around three.

The rest of the notes followed a similar train of thought. The one on the fridge told me where a premade breakfast had been laid out, the one inside the fridge educated me on the preparation of things that needed to go in the slow-cooker for dinner, and the one on the coffee pot simply said no in capital letters.

God help me, he was a bossy boy.

Giggling to myself even as I followed his directions, it was the final two sticky notes that made me pause. There, stuck to the frosted window above the sink where I would have to rinse my dishes were the bright green squares.

Miss you already.

Car keys are in the dish.

Two pieces of paper and nine words. Two pieces of paper and nine words had my entire world tilting on its axis. Pulling them off the window with a grin, I ran to get dressed.

I had a fireman to visit.

***

Kelly’s face lit up as he said a quick goodbye to the team he was working with and jogged out of the bay toward where I was standing, not even bothering to acknowledge their glib hoots about him being “whipped”.

“What’s up sweetheart?” I very nearly missed his question as my eyes followed the line of sweat that ran down his bare chest, seeming to illuminate the tan skin there as it made its way to the curve of his hips where his regulation pants hung precariously low. _So that’s what they meant about a V…_

“Y/N?” His light eyes were bright under his dark brows and I felt my cheeks begin to heat as I realized he had caught me staring. Well, it was his fault. It was winter for Christ’s sake! Working on the rig or not, shirts were important…for my sanity.

Clearing my throat, I did my absolute best to ignore his teasing smile, “Could we talk?”

His eyebrows seemed to turn into storm clouds at my tone, all traces of his previous amusement gone, “Yeah, of course. Mind if I grab a shower first?”

I felt myself begin to fidget as I looked around uncomfortably, Firehouse 51 was a big place and this was not the group that I was used to, “Uh… yeah, okay.”

Seeing the look and reading me like an open book, Severide made a vague gesture in the general direction of the locker rooms, “Do you want to just come with me? I’ll make it quick.”

My brain stuttered and my mouth opened and closed like a trapped fish making me sputter, “I..umm..huh?”

I was still trying to figure out whether or not he was being intentionally perverse when he started laughing like a donkey, “Now who’s the pervert, huh? Relax, I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I meant I’d shower and you could bench yourself next to my locker. Figured you didn’t really want to be alone right now.” The simple fact that he didn’t take the opening for a joke about me joining him was enough on its own to prove that he was taking me seriously. Something that I really needed right now.

Sitting outside of the showers as Severide cleaned up, I couldn’t help but think about how excited I had been to head over here this morning. To talk to him about possibilities. And now, I couldn’t get my reliance on others out of my head. I had begun to wonder if perhaps he was just falling into the caregiver role because he felt pressured. Conflicted was an understatement for what I was feeling.

Watching him come out in nothing but a towel to did through his locker, I wondered if half-naked was really the best way to have this conversation. It only took me a moment to realize that half-naked was the safest way. It wasn’t as likely that he’d chase me out into the snow if he was soaking wet and rocking nothing but a towel.

Fiddling with my own fingers, I tried to work up the courage to speak without fumbling, “I just wanted to say thanks, you know? For letting me- well us, stay last night. And this morning. I really appreciate it. I’ll wash everything you loaned me as soon as I can and have Gabby or Shay get it back to you. I promise.”

Kelly’s eyebrows furrowed as I spoke, eyes crinkling around the edges in confusion, “Whoa, hold up a sec. You’re talking like you’re going back to your car tonight.”

Now it was my turn to be confused, “I am, at least for tonight. I’m planning to talk to Herrmann though. I know last night was cold but the weather is supposed to be better tonight. I checked. And if not, it wouldn’t be the first time I showed up at Matt’s unannounced.” It would be like walking into the lion’s den with a meat-soaked shirt and my metaphorical tail between my legs but I could do it. Maybe. The middle bit was a definite lie though.

“Mhmm, I’m sure-” he nodded, “but that doesn’t change the fact that none of that is happening.”

My eyes narrowed, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He laughed, “What it means, genius, is that I have a perfectly good spare bedroom that’s just dying to be occupied by the pretty girl carrying my baby.”

I was already shaking my head before he could finish, “No way Kel, that’s a guest room. I know you use it for storage. Plus, it could be months before I can start paying you any sort of rent. I’m not going to be a mooch.” The argument sounded stupid even to me but like hell if I wasn’t going to try.

“Jesus” Kelly rolled his eyes upward, almost as if he was praying for divine guidance, “-you can be really daft, you know that?” Before I could respond he was cradling my face in his hands, “I can put that stuff anywhere Y/N, anywhere. I’m not worried about it. Shay would kill me if I didn’t offer. She’s gone so often she’d probably offer her own room. And as for that nonsense about paying me well, just shut up. How about that?”

I squinted my eyes at him as I glared down the line of his thumbs, “You’re extraordinarily rude, did you know that?”

His whole face brightened as he laughed, head bobbing in an almost comical nod, “Uh huh, and when you right your hard-hitting expose about me you can be sure to mention it again.”

It was settled then.

I was getting new roommates and a whole new set of problems.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Five-Weeks Later

It had been a little over a month since I had begun to share my space with Severide on a perpetual motion basis and, aside from having driven the wedge further between me and Matt, things had become a lot more settled in my little world.

Kelly had been a doting father-to-be, making sure that I had anything and everything that I might possibly need even we walked the thin tightrope between close friends, co-parents, and something more. While he did everything that he could to keep me and the baby comfortable, Shay and Gabby had made it their personal mission to provide me with an escape from his overbearing tendencies anytime I needed it.

While Gabriella Dawson wasn’t sure of the specifics of me and Casey’s fight, she had made it abundantly clear that the both of them still cared about me deeply and that nothing would ever change that. After ripping me a new one for just up and leaving of course.

The rest of the house had been around as well. In and out so often that the door might as well revolve. With Christopher and Cindy Herrmann leading the charge, many of them had been by to visit and offer advice. The Herrmann family had offered me their loft but one hard look from the blue-eyed lieutenant had them retracting it immediately with a wayward story about rats. I had let it go and accepted my fate.

Mouch and Jones had been my must reluctant visitors with Mouch loathe to be anywhere out of his comfort-zone and Jones preferring to be as far away from me and Severide as possible after his reaction to her at the station. When Mills tumbled in on his own time, it was with a happy smile and a lot of well-meaning dietary guidance.

Squad 3 had stumbled through the door en-masse, a raucous wrestling mess that Shay had threatened with bodily harm if they broke her coffee table. They had come with beer and pizza claiming a deep-seated need for good old-fashioned entertainment as they piled onto the couches and put in a movie. A movie that they didn’t pay the least bit of attention, instead sliding in close to ply me for information about me and their commanding officer’s baby and how it came to be. They couldn’t have looked more disappointed with my G-rated details if they’d tried.

Cruz and Otis had been my favorite visitors by far. Stumbling through the door with nervous smiles and a stack of presents, they had been hesitant to make themselves at home but once they did, I was reluctant to ever send them home. They had brought me gifts from the heart and I appreciated them more than anything. The first was a box of chocolate-covered fruit from the candy shop at the other end of town and the second was a hand-drawn gift certificate for free baby-sitting. The last gift though, that one was my favorite. Wrapped in thin crepe-paper was the tiniest red onesie that I had ever seen. And on the front, etched with a little truck and men were the words ‘Relax, My Daddy is a Firefighter’. That had been a good day and Kelly’s reaction upon seeing the itty bity piece of clothing had been priceless.

Chief Boden and his wife Donna had made sure to stop in as well with the Chief giving me the best news I had gotten in a long-while. I had been cleared to return to my shifts at 51 part-time and although my student internship at Chicago Med had been keeping me busy enough, it would be nice to be getting a paycheck again.

Kelly had never once complained about my lack of contribution, nor had Shayon the rare occasion she was around. In fact, it was the two of them that had suggested our current shopping excursion and at around twenty-one weeks pregnant, I was not planning to fight to fight them on it. Although we had chosen to forego learning the sex of our baby, the pair of them had been wound tighter than a violin string. They were almost vibrating with pent-up excitement.

I had been drug from store to store as they bickered over things for the baby, debating everything from nursery color schemes to clothes and furniture. Knowing that the two of them had tried to have a child together at one point, I couldn’t bring myself to begrudge them this opportunity. I wasn’t so self-involved that I couldn’t see when someone needed something more than I did. Plus, the beaming looks that the two dumbasses sent my way every time they found something that they liked was just too damn adorable to put a stop to. No. I was more than content to let them have this moment.

By the time they had satisfied themselves by purchasing more items that any one baby could ever possibly need, it was nearing eight and I was dead on my feet and starving. Apologizing profusely for not paying better attention to the time, Shay bid us goodbye for something better looking and left us to our own devices.

It didn’t take long for me and Kelly to end up at a table toward the back of Molly’s, our loot from a street vendor a couple of blocks over us parked in front of us. Otis and Herrmann had both raised their hackles at the foreign cuisine but accepted its intrusion into their safe-haven when met with my pitiful pout. Apparently, Oliver Twist had nothing on this pregnant lady.

Finishing my Tapa, I was in the midst of battling my companion for a bite of his when a lilting voice floated to us, “Kelly Severide. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I would like to say that I immediately looked to see who it was but curiosity had nothing on cravings and my need for the food he had just abandoned surpassed any need I might have had to know who was so excited to see him.

Crowing in triumph, I shoved the last few bites of his meal into my mouth only to be met with a briefly amused raise of his brow before he turned to face the newcomer. Standing up, he moved to hug her, “April. How are you?”

The woman, April, was well-dressed and beautiful. With chocolate curls and glowing mocha skin she was almost incandescent. Her brown eyes were deep and soulful, framed by lashes like butterfly wings and just enough eyeshadow to make them pop. What was it about Kelly Severide and women that looked like models?

April smiled, revealing a row of perfect teeth, “Good. Great actually. I’ve been travelling a lot but wanted to pop over and check-in.” That damn smile was like a megawatt lightbulb. She was very clearly the kind of girl who could light up a room when she wanted to.

Kelly bobbed his head, “I’m glad you did. It’s always good to see you.”

She laughed, pale pink nail polish creating an interesting contrast against his black jacket as she patted his arm and focused her attention onto me, “Mmm. I know. So, who’s this?”

“April, this is Y/N. She a good friend of mine.” Friend? I had worked so hard to get back to that point with him but the word was still a bitter reminder of what was missing between us. What I wished for.

She reached a thin hand around Kelly to shake my own and I hastily wiped the grease from my hands before accepting it. Her dark eyes hardly left the man in front of her, “I wasn’t aware you were capable of having good friends that were women.”

There was an undertone of knowing to her voice that didn’t sit well with me and I watched as Kelly tensed so briefly that it was almost imperceptible before returning to his relaxed state, “Hey! What about Shay and Gabby?”

I could have laughed at his attempt to dig himself out of the hole he had dug. Shay was a pretty solid example of female friendship but him and Gabriella’s relationship was more that of a brother and sister. They either got along famously or were at each other’s throats. There was no in-between. Maybe she got that from Casey…

April seemed to be thinking along the same lines, “Shay’s a lesbian and Dawson is so taken it isn’t funny.”

He shrugged, an unidentifiable irritation beginning to roll off of him, “Fair enough.”

Knowing what I knew about her, I was positive that she could sense the sudden change in the man between us, “You mean true enough. Anyway, I’ve got to get back to the girls. It was good to see you Severide. We should catch up sometime.”

She leaned in for another quick embrace that Kelly returned halfheartedly, “For sure.”

Not bothering to sit back down after she left, he turned to gesture to the messy table, “You done?” Realizing that this was directed at me, I couldn’t help but arch a brow. We had only been here for about an hour and he was already gearing up to take off. I wouldn’t complain about turning about getting to turn in a little early but I would certainly bitch about not getting the full story behind why that interaction had set him off.

Noticing the interrogative look on my face, he sighed heavily, “What?”

“Nothing. Just letting you know right now that you’re going to fill me in when we get home.” I snarked. Our eyes were locked in a silent battle of wills. One that I would normally lose based solely on the intensity of his gaze but I refused to lose this time. Narrowing my own Y/E/C eyes, I focused on the slight twitch of those marvelous cheekbones. A twitch that let me know he was fighting that infamous Severide grin.

He broke first.

Wiping the infant smirk from his face with a rough palm, he pointed a finger in my direction, “Fine, you heathen. You win. We’ll talk at home but then you drop it. Deal?”

The rapid bob of my head he helped me from my stool was anything but honest, “Deal.”

***

“So, why did what she said rile you up so much?” The words left my mouth within seconds of entering the home I was sharing with Kelly and Shay. It was as if I had zero control over the them. Hearing them so soon after getting back was definitely going to earn me an earful if I wasn’t careful.

Sure enough, Kelly’s head fell back with a groan, “Jesus Y/N, can’t we get through the door first?” He tried to maneuver around me to set the bags he refused to let me help carry up onto the couch. I followed, hands raised in mock surrender, “You said you’d talk once we got home.”

He loosened his muscles and allowed the mass of bags to slide from his grip and onto the cushion with a grunt, “Whatever, just let me get past you to set down all this shit. Please.” I leaned my head against his broad back for a moment, giving him a quick squeeze. It was half apology for being so exasperating and half show of appreciation for everything he had been doing for me over the past few weeks.

Be that as it may, I still couldn’t stop the playful quip that escaped me as I hugged him, “Shit that you bought.” The flick that smacked into the fingers intertwined over his heartbeat stung like a mother-fucker.

My quick retraction of the aforementioned digits had him beaming, “Shut up.”

Silence seemed to take of the air itself as he moved away from me to divest himself of his jacket and keys. It was pretty obvious that he was debating how he wanted to go about opening-up to me and I tried my best to be patient as he sorted through his emotions. Gearing up for something extraneous to him. Sharing his feelings.

When he finally did, it was nothing like I had anticipated, “She implied that you and I couldn’t just be friends.”

I couldn’t understand why this would upset him so much, “What?”

Kelly drew further into himself, shoulders hunching and jaw ticking as he became more and more incensed, “She made it seem like you had to be more to me than just a good friend.”

“Oh.” The bafflement that I was still experiencing provided for a less than eloquent delivery. Did he think that he needed to be more? That I was expecting something else?

I wrung my hands quietly as I watched his angry form begin to unload baby things from the bags, “You’ve been a great friend to me Kel.”

The tension in his body seemed to snap with my statement, “That’s the problem! I don’t want to be your fucking friend!”

Hurt coursed through me, “Oh… I just thought…” I couldn’t bring myself to finish.

He sighed, running a shaking hand over his dark hair, one hand reaching out, “Y/N/N, please. I didn’t-”

I cut him off with a shake of my head, “No, it’s fine. Really. I shouldn’t have pulled you into this mess. We’ll just go.” I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad. If I had known that he felt this way, I would have kept my distance. Reaching for my bags I moved toward the hallway, hoping to escape to my room until I could call Herrmann about maybe needing that loft space after all.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up sweetheart, hear me out.”

If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he sounded frantic, “I’m not-”

His hand covered my mouth before I could go on, “Shut up for one goddamn minute, would you? I’m pissed at _myself_ because April was right. I don’t want to be your friend because I would much rather just be yours.” Shock is a motherfucker.

Shoving his hand away I desperately tried to remember how to speak. He seemed to take my silence as some sort of acquiescence, “And that’s not going to happen, is it?” I could see where he was coming from. I had consistently pushed him away every time he made a move out of fear that he was doing it for the wrong reasons but I was still fuming.

My teeth ground together painfully as I tried my damnedest to keep from slapping the shit out of him right then and there, “You son of a bitch.”

The venom in my whispered insult seemed to hit him like a mortar shell, shock dragging his eyebrows into his hairline as his eyes widened, “Huh?”

How eloquent.

“You mean more to me than anyone ever has.” I growled.

He shook his head, moving his hovering hands back to his sides, “I don’t understand.”

This time I couldn’t resist pushing him, “A child’s dad is the man who is always there for them, no matter what, and I know that hasn’t always been you but that’s on me. I fucked up. As soon as I let you in, you became a part of everything. My everything.”

The room was dead quiet.

I glanced at my feet, “I just wasn’t going to throw a title at you that you didn’t fucking want so I kept my mouth shut. I mean, who in their right mind wants to raise a kid with a one-night stand? Platonically sure, but romantically?” The chuckle I let out was most definitely self-deprecating. The warmth of his fingers pressing against my face brought my eyes back to his.

His grey-blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he tilted his lips up in a smirk, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not in my right mind. Never have been.”

I returned his smile with a watery one of my own, _damn straight I’d noticed_ , “Then by all means throw your application in the pile because if you can’t tell the suitors are lining up out the door.” When in doubt sarcasm is the best way out.

Kelly laughed, “Apparently, mine’s already been accepted.” The feel of his mouth slanting over mine was definitely something I could get used to.

***

Watching Kelly as he slept beside me was a novel experience.

In all the time that I had known him I had never once seen him look so peaceful. So content. I knew that sleep was not something that came easily to this complex and rambunctious man but the steady rise and fall of his bare chest was enough to reassure me of the realness of my situation as I contoured the features of his body with my eyes.

This could very well be my only chance to appraise him without some snide remark.

As I stared, I grew increasingly fascinated by the thin white lines that traversed the tan skin of his forearms, something so very different from my own milky tone. I was enraptured by the light and heat that seemed to emanate from him.

Dark lashes spilled like inky tears across his cheeks as he lay there, his face seeming to be the only portion of his body that had any real fat on it, that is, if those luscious lips and curved jawline could be counted as such. His hair had splayed itself across the top forehead in an atypical disarray leaving only the back to poke up at odd angles against the pressure of his pillow.

Reaching out to toy with a piece of greying hair near his temple as he began to rouse, I couldn’t help the cheeky grin that spread across my face, “Getting old, Severide.” If anyone ever asked, I would go to my grave denying it, but watching him shuffle over sleepily to snuffle against me was one of the cutest things I had ever seen in my life, “That’s not what you were saying last night.” _And it’s over_. I shoved an elbow his way and felt his lips turn up where they rested against the curve of my jaw, fingers dancing tauntingly along my ribcage, “Those grey hairs are all you baby.”

I captured his hand in my own, twining our fingers over my growing bump with smile, “Keep telling yourself that.” With his fingers releasing mine to trace patterns across my skin, I couldn’t help but think about how different this morning was from our first one together. Rather than waking up to heartbreak and separation, I was waking up feeling more loved than I ever had been. He was still beside me, heart beating against me and breath coming out evenly by my ear as he lost himself in our child.

It was like a dream come true.

Reaching a hand up, I rubbed the pad of my thumb along the five o’clock shadow on his chin, delighting in the rough texture and realness that it brought to our situation. Recalling something from our first time, I couldn’t help but lean into him as a soft whisper escaped my mouth, “I still can’t believe that you’re real.”

***

Our entire morning had been spent in that fashion. Curled around each other and reluctant to leave the bubble that we had created. Eventually though, we had had to accept reality and return to the day as promised. We both worked and it was my first shift back at 51 since the incident. I knew that Kelly was as nervous about me working as I was excited but knowing how much I had come to love his home away from home, he still asked, “Why don’t you put in for a more permanent position at the station?”

I frowned, having never put much stock in the idea given that I would have to take maternity leave before too long, “Do you think that we could handle that?” Working together had been a major point of contention in Severide’s mind when we had initially crossed the boundary between friends to lovers.

He didn’t have to question me, knowing exactly what I was implying, “I think that we can make it work. I know I said I wasn’t Casey but maybe that’s a good thing. We both know our jobs. I trust you to know your limits and you’ve never questioned mine. I think we’ve proved that.”

I nodded, acquiescing to what he had said. We had learned a lot in a short period of time and that would be to our benefit in the long-run, “You’re right. Plus, I am sure Dawson would be more than willing to fill my spot while I’m on leave. Or they can always hire a floater for a while. Either way, I will talk to Boden as soon as I get a chance.”

***

Putting the car in park out front of 51, Kelly offered up a quick hum of approval before coming around to help me out onto the icy sidewalk, gripping my hand firmly in his as we started up the drive. Wearing his Squad 3 cap and jacket, I probably looked like a pitifully small version of the Stay-Puft marshmallow while he was as sleek and handsome as ever in his leather jacket and grey scarf. Even with cheeks and nose scarlet from the chill, he was a sight to behold. Life could be so unfair.

Making our way to the top of the hill, I made to pull my hand from his, unsure of where we stood and exactly what he wanted the guys to know about our relationship. He stopped me, turning me to face him, eyes squinted in his trademark grin, “Nuh uh. Let them see.” It was as if he had read my mind, free hand coming up to cup my jaw as his thumb caressed my throat, “Matter of fact…” His chapped lips met mine, short and deep as if he was proving something. And maybe he was. 

Pulling back and leaving me stunned, he licked his lips and turned to face the guys in the bay, “See that boys? She is officially off the market!” My face was suspiciously hot as I trudged the rest of the way of the hill behind him, the Chief muttering “Thank God” as he passed us to get to his office.

From where he leaned against the rig Herrmann chuffed, “It’s about damn time.”

And I couldn’t have agreed more.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

It didn’t take me long at all to decide that me and Matthew Casey needed to clear whatever speedbump it was that was preventing us from getting back to normal. As happy as I was to finally be with the man that I loved, I missed the cheeky blond bastard.

As shift was ending, I sought Kelly out in the locker-room to let him know my plan. He was hesitant at first. Worried that if things didn’t go my way I would be stranded in the cold while I waited for him to come and save me. After a bit of planning and a fair amount of whining we had a basic idea that made both of us comfortable. Kelly agreeing to call me in exactly thirty-minutes if he didn’t hear from me sooner to make sure that I hadn’t frozen or been murdered wandering downtown Chicago.

Leaning against the bay doors I waited for Casey to make his way to his truck. Gabby had left with Shay a few minutes earlier for a girl’s night that they had tried to lure me into so I knew he wouldn’t far behind.

Sure enough, it only took ten minutes for him to show, go-bag hanging from his shoulder as he rooted around for his keys. I stepped in front of him. And action that was so ill-conceived that we both almost ended up on the pavement as he skidded to a halt, tired blue eyes blowing wide, “Y/N!”

The last time I been close enough to speak to him had been when he had come to help me and Kelly get my car out of the middle of his street. Hearing his voice say my name now was nicer than I could have expected and it blew my plan out of the water, “Warts and all, remember?”

The words that left my mouth were not what I had planned but they did the job. He lowered his gaze, boot scuffing into the slush at his feet, “You calling Kelly Severide a wart?”

I drew my fist back and launched it into his arm, an action that had me flinching and him barely moving, “Asshole. You guys are already back on speaking terms so why the hell are you still mad at me?” I couldn’t understand why I was the pariah here.

He had the good grace to look ashamed of himself, “I’m not mad. I wasn’t even mad then. I was disappointed.” He seemed to be a little too invested in the tops of his shoes so I stooped to catch his gaze, “Why?”

His shoulders lifted and dropped, stuck halfway between a shrug and a slump, “Because I’m tired of seeing people walk all over you! By the time I figured out that wasn’t the case, you’d already had a temper tantrum and left.”

Overprotective. Overprotective and stupid.

Those were the words that I would have used to describe him right then but damn if I didn’t adore him. Latching onto him like a baby koala, I pulled him into a crushing hug that he couldn’t have rejected if he had tried. He didn’t though. Instead, he wrapped him long arms around me, pulling me into him in a way that verified that he had missed me just as much. We wouldn’t say the words ‘I’m sorry’ because this was our apology. There wouldn’t be any need for anything else.

Dropping back to press a quick kiss to my temple, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to guide me towards his truck, “How about breakfast? My treat.”

Now we were talking, “What are we waiting for?”

***

Me and Casey had been sitting at the diner for all of fifteen minutes when I realized that I had forgotten to check in with Kelly. Dropping my fork into the syrupy mess on my plate, I fumbled for my purse but it was too late. The screen lit up as his call came in;

_They call me the fireman, that’s my name. Making my rounds all over town, putting out old flames…._

Casey’s orange-juice ended up all over the front of my shirt as it was ejected from his nose. The chortling barking laugh he emitted coming out at such a high frequency that it reminded me more of a dying seal than a man that I was about the kill.

Shooting him the deadliest glare that I could manage I scrambled to get my phone to my ear and end that godforsaken song before it could lead to anymore embarrassment. I was thanking my lucky stars that the establishment was mostly empty as I answered, “Hey. Sorry I forgot to let you know what was going on. I got distracted.”

Throwing a quick look across the table, I watched as Matt tried to sop up the excess of juice with the cheap napkins provided and couldn’t help but grin at his dismay. The stickiness plaguing him now should be the least of his worries.

Kelly’s voice was understanding, “I take that to mean that the two of you worked things out and he isn’t shipping you off to a nunnery for fraternizing with me like a religious father from the 1920’s.”

I snickered, “I guess you could say that.”

Readjusting the phone so that I both of my hands were free, I stretched across the table to stop my best friend as he began to mop the mess toward my side. The slap war that my protest initiated had the other patrons looking our way as though neither of us was playing with a full deck.

We weren’t, but that was none of their business.

“That’s good. I know that was a big deal. I’m glad the two of you could pull your heads out of your asses.” I made a grab for the sodden bundle only for my hand to end up in the ketchup ridden hash-browns on Casey’s plate.

A gasp left my mouth. Something that Kelly took to mean I disagreed, “It’s true. The two of you have all of one brain between you when you’re together. It’s ridiculous.” Any rebuttal that I might have had to that was cut-off as Matt grabbed my flapping hand and licked the offending condiment off in a single slobbery stripe. Of all the disgusting…

I flicked him in the nose, earning myself an indignant yelp from the grown man across from me, “If you want to act like a dog, I’ll treat you like one.” I whispered harshly, leaning as far back in the booth as possible as I slid out and made my way to wash my hands.

I could still here the pain in the ass laughing as I made my way across the linoleum.

Kelly was a different story, “Dog? All I said was-”

I stopped him before he could get started, “Oh no. I’ve got a different bone to pick with you. I will deal with you when I get home.” I threatened.

His chuckle brushed across my ear, “I look forward to it.”

***

Getting dropped off by Casey seemed to be a reoccurring theme in my life. It seemed like he was always taking or leaving me somewhere but if that was what it took to keep things solid between us then he could be my personal taxi service for the rest of our lives.

Unlocking the front door to Severide and Shay’s place with his key, I couldn’t help but titter at Kelly’s expectant face as he sat waiting at the kitchen island.

I tried my best to look stern, “Really Kelly? Fireman?”

At the mere mention of my surprise ringtone his face lit up like the fourth of July, verifying every theory that I had about him having been the one to download it, “You caught that?”

Narrowing my eyes, I did my best to ignore the flutter in my chest that his smile caused and scoffed good-humoredly, “Of course I ‘caught it’. I’d have had to be stupid not to.”

His smile grew bigger the more he seemed to think about it, “I honestly didn’t think that it would work. You usually have your phone on silent.” The awe in his voice made it clear that this man was way too proud of himself right now.

“You’re an asshole. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Matt is never going to let me live that down.” By now I was almost growling at him. I was irritated but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of lightheartedness in response to his comicality.

He laughed at my expression before crinkling his forehead in confusion, “I know. Wait a sec, why _wasn’t_ your phone on silent today?”

Rocking back on my heels I tried to come up with a valid excuse for disregarding over seven years of habit, “I,uh…” I had nothing. The moment that he had said that he would call if he didn’t hear from me, I had subconsciously flipped the sound on. I hadn’t spared the action another thought.

My discomfort made Severide look almost predatory as he moved to stand in my personal space, hands coming to rest on my rapidly widening hips, “You were waiting for me to call like I promised, weren’t you?”

I really wanted to wipe that cheeky smile off of his face with my fist but concluded that that would be indicative of an entirely different sort of denial, “So what if I was?” Snarky always was what I did best.

His warmth and smell left me struggling for my words as my gaze moved from his eyes to his lips. Full pink lips that rested scant inches from mine right this minute. Kelly seemed to read my mind and moved in closer, “You know, I figured that this would go one of two ways.”

Feeling his breath against my face, I decided to meet him in the middle, “And?” 

This time I felt his smile rather than saw it, “Well I’m clearly not dead so…”

***

Kelly waited until I was comfortable and sated, back pressed into his chest as ran one hand through my Y/H/C hair and massaged my stomach with the other, before he dropped his bomb.

“You know Christmas is in a couple weeks.”

It was a national holiday which the entire city had already begun to decorate for so of course I was aware. Too happy to be snippy, I simply ‘hmmed’ contentedly as he pressed his mouth to my neck and shoulder.

His next words were spoken against bare skin, “Well, me and Shay. We planned a party. Here. With everyone.”

I wiggled closer, “Okay.” This was all news to me but I wasn’t going to fuss about it. I was always happy to see our firehouse family and their various crews. I had come to love those people like no other. I would just have to make sure to get their presents from me and Kelly wrapped sooner rather than later.

His grip tightened for a moment as if he was afraid that I might run, “My parents will be there.” And the cards had officially been laid across the table. I could see why he had initially been a bit economical with the truth.

At his quiet admission, I could feel my heart begin to race. I knew that his relationship with his father was strained just like I knew that he felt his mother walked on water. He had been open about that that. What he had also been open about was the fact that he rarely saw either of them in-person. So, why now? The only answer was the one doing somersaults in my womb at that very moment.

“They want to meet me.”

It wasn’t a question but he responded none the less, “Yeah.”

I frowned, moving my hands instinctively over my belly, “Because of the baby.”

Kelly pulled at my shoulder, rolling me to face him so that he could address my worry head on. His eyebrows were creased as he brushed my hair from my face, stroking my cheek in the process, “Only my dad knows about the baby. He heard it through the grape vine. Just like he hears everything else.” He soothed.

I scrunched my eyelids shut and prayed to the almighty that he hadn’t heard anything else about me and his son’s relationship through that same grapevine, “Oh, God.”

He leaned his forehead into mine to catch my gaze, “I told them that I wanted them to meet my girlfriend.” And here I thought he had laid it all out.

Rolling onto my back, I swallowed thickly, “Is that what I am?”

“What?” His face moved to hover over mine, one arm bracing him near my head as he scrutinized my expression. He was always doing that. Reading me like a book when I didn’t want to be read. He did it to everyone.

“Am I your girlfriend?” I already knew the answer but I needed to hear it out loud.

Kelly bumped my nose with his, a mischievous look striking his face as bit his lower lip, “I’d like to think so. Especially given what we just did.” An elbow to his ribs had him reassessing his cheekiness with a groan.

Tangling our legs together beneath the sheets, I clasped the medal hanging from his neck with gentle fingers and gave it a slight tug, “Just checking.”

His weight shifted over me, expression intent, “Well you don’t have to. Ever.”

Those were the last words he said before we lost ourselves and our worries in each other for the rest of the day.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

The night before the party was one that was full of jitters and a serious lack of sleep. By midnight I could no longer handle being in the house alone. With Kelly and Shay at work, I was going stark raving mad trying to handle the lack of noise and company.

While Boden had agreed to my taking a more permanent position at the firehouse, he had also made it clear that I would not be doing so until after I had had this baby. I had not seen fit to argue with him then but now I was considering it. At twenty-four weeks pregnant, I was willing to fight just about anyone.

Deciding that picking a fight with the Chief wasn’t going to solve my loneliness, I threw off the covers and made my way downstairs to slip into my shoes and grab my keys. If sleep wouldn’t come to me, then I would go to it.

I rarely had cause to use my car anymore, and sliding into the driver’s seat now felt wrong. Cranking the heat to full-blast, I slid my seat back to make room for my ever-growing stomach and set-off.

It didn’t matter to me that I was clad in nothing more than my pajamas and one of Casey’s old Black Hawks hoodies as I made the fifteen-minute drive to the station, all that mattered was that I was tired. Parking between Severide’s Mustang and Gabby’s little Prius, I trudged up the pathway and slid the through the single door to the side of the bay.

Otis was there to greet me, “I saw you pull up through the window and was going to see if you needed any help but it seems you managed just fine.” I gave him a tired smile.

“Contrary to what you guys think, I usually do.”

He chuckled, “Fair enough. Make sure you stop in and let Boden know you’re here though. He’s been a bit antsy about surprises lately. I nodded and made my way past him. With all of the threats constantly facing 51, I could understand why our Battalion Chief was on edge.

Cutting through the common-room, I almost guffawed at the sight of Mouch passed out on the couch with his dog, television still droning on in the dark room. It was something to behold but as funny as it might have been, I couldn’t stop the swell of affection that I had for the man and found myself from throwing the blanket from the back of the sofa over him as he snored. I still couldn’t get over that fact that he had tried giving up his beloved spot for me my first day back on duty. I hadn’t allowed it but it was sweet nonetheless.

Stepping out through the office area, I rapped lightly on Boden’s door, determined not to wake him if he had found a moment of peace. The quiet ‘come in’ that answered me was a testament to the fact that he hadn’t.

Slipping through the door, I didn’t bother to close it behind me knowing that our conversation would likely be brief. His brows were creased with concern as he looked me over, “It’s late and you shouldn’t be out and about in your condition. Is everything alright?”

He got straight to the point like usual and I tried to give him a reassuring smile, “I’m fine, Chief.” He weighed my words for a moment before nodding, “You’re not here for Casey.”

“No, sir. Actually-”

Boden nodded, looking up at me over the rim of his reading glasses, lips pursed in a paternal scowl, “Lieutenant Severide is in his quarters. Asleep. Like you should be.”

“And you?” The question was asked before I could think to stop it and I rushed to correct myself, “Sorry, Chief. I didn’t mean-”

The timbre of his voice was soothing, “I’m alright, Y/N. Just go get yourself in a bed now, alright?” My question seemed to have lightened something in him and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly upwards as I thanked him and turned to leave.

My hand was on the doorknob before he spoke again, “And Y/N?” I looked back, waiting for him to continue, “If you ever need to talk, about anything, you know where to find me.”

Beaming, I accepted his offer with a bob of my head before ducking out of his office and scurrying toward bunk-room. Finding the door already ajar, I did my best to ease through the gap and pad past the heartwarming familiarity that I was met with. Bending down to remove my slippers, I moved forward on bare feet, as quietly as possible.

Herrmann paused me with a wink, the father of five and veteran fireman far too used to dealing with devious children and creeping mischief-makers to be fooled by my attempt at silencing my entrance. Locking eyes with me his dimples flashed briefly as he waved me on and returned to his slumber.

Relieved that I had not disturbed him, I reached for the handle that would allow me into Severide’s private quarters. I held my breath as the door creaked and the blinds rattled. There, in the center of the room, it seemed like Kelly was doing his very best to utilize as little of the twin-sized bed as possible. Curled around a single pillow, one arm strewn beneath it and the other stretched out, he was the epitome of soft and vulnerable. I didn’t want to disturb him.

Moving to ease back out of the door with thoughts of slipping into my usual bunk, his low voice made me jump, “You gonna stand there gawking all night or are you gonna climb in?” Normally eloquent, his words were slurred with sleep, lips smooshed against his pillow, eyes still closed tight and medal dangling from the opening in shirt.

“Shit Kel! I thought you were sleeping!”

Rubbing a palm across his eyes, he cracked them open and rolled back to glance at the face of his watch, “Of course you did. You creeper.” Plopping back against the mattress he appraised me, just as Boden had done earlier, as if verifying that all of my limbs were still attached.

I wiggled them to show him that I was, in fact, fine, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Since we had cleared the air between us, I had not gone a single night without falling asleep in his arms. Whether he was home or we were working a shift together, he had made sure to be there as I fell asleep even if he couldn’t be there when I woke up. It was a sort of unspoken agreement and I was becoming shamefully codependent.

I gathered that he understood exactly what I was talking about as he pulled my favorite sweater out from under his pillow. _Ah! So that’s where it had gone!_ It wasn’t that I minded wearing Casey’s but there was something special about my own.

I cocked an eyebrow and Kelly’s shoulders dropped, “I couldn’t sleep either.”

Something fluttered in my chest, warming me from within as I pulled the cloth from his grasp and dropped it the floor, “Well then. It’s a good thing I showed up. Can’t have our Squad Lieutenant answering calls in his sleep, can we?”

Realizing that I wasn’t going to tease him, he settled, body relaxing as he tugged my pant-leg to get me to lie beside him in the narrow space. His hand slipped under the hem of my top; actions innocent as he sought out the slight flutters of our child.

Head falling to rest against me as I made myself comfortable, the last thing I felt was Kelly’s soft exhale across my collarbone as he whispered goodnight.

***

Walking onto the apparatus floor was like walking into sci-fi movie with Squad 3 playing the role of the alien invaders. Chortling at the vision of them in their dive-gear I couldn’t stop myself from ribbing Kelly. Just a little bit. “Rubber ducky, you’re the one. You make bath time lots of fun. Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you.”

Droplets of water flew from his hands as dove for me and I moved to stand behind Cruz with a shriek. Clearly concerned that I might slip on the wet concrete, Joe threw an arm out to stabilize me even as he moved out of Severide’s path. Shooting Tony and Capp pleading looks only to get met with vague gestures towards their own damp apparel, I darted towards the men from Truck instead, “Peter!”

It took Mills a second to catch on but once he had he was bound and determined not to have any part of it. Laughing me off, he ushered a confused Jones through the door to the common-room and left me to my own devices. That only left me with three options; Otis, Herrmann, or Casey. I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to use Mouch as a shield.

Going to Matt would have been a no-brainer but he had a look in his eye that spoke of unfinished business as he stomped off of the apparatus floor. I wasn’t touching whatever attitude he was having with a ten-foot pole. Herrmann on the other-hand looked like he was already gearing up to reprimand me so Otis it was.

Poor, poor Otis.

Twisting around so that I was between Brian and the rig, I gripped the back of his shirt and watched Kelly approach, brows raised high and smile wide, “Y/N. Don’t make me hurt Zvonecek. Come out here and reap what you sow.” I felt more than saw as Otis tried to slip away from me, no doubt keen to be as far from Severide’s threats as possible.

“I should probably go, check the rig…or something.” His abandonment might have stung if he hadn’t been so damn careful in passing me off to Kelly. It was ridiculously sweet how much these guys cared.

Wrapping me in his sodden arm, Severide made sure that I was well and truly soaked with the water of whatever hellish hole he’d been diving in before leaning away to shake his head like a dog. It was as disgusting as it was endearing.

Pressing close again, he rested his chin on my head, “You let me get out of this gear and get you home and you can be damn sure I’ll make bath time lots of fun.”

I recoiled, both entertained and shocked at his audacity, “Just for that, you can shower here. Alone.” His laughter followed me all the way off of the apparatus floor and into the Firehouse.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Despite my reluctance to reward bad-behavior, Kelly had made good on the semi-lecherous statement that he had made at the station as I was doing everything I could to look presentable and was now doing his best to get himself ready for the Christmas party that would be happening downstairs in just over an hour.

Feeling me run paint-wet kisses up his bare shoulder towards his chin Kelly let out a low groan, “I am going to be covered in red lips. I sure hope that shit washes off.” Laughing against the warm skin near the corner of his mouth I ran my hand through his short hair, “Mmm. Maybe. Either way that’s what you get for interrupting me while I was getting ready for _your_ party.”

I punctuated the last word with a deep kiss that was almost too wet to be enjoyable thanks to the coat of Stila still clinging to my lips. Forgetting about his shirt entirely, he moved back to my side.

Rolling over to face me completely his eyes took on a more serious gleam, hands coming to rest on my belly, “Noted. You asked me for a name?” I dipped my head in acknowledgement. Naming our child was something that I felt he should do and he had taken up the challenge quite readily.

“I pick Joel. Boy or girl.” His tone was serious. Playing with the greying strands near his temple I tilted my head, “Why?” The look on his face was equal parts teasing and condescending as he answered, “Because we had our first drink together during a cover of Honesty and honestly? I am not naming him Billy.” Running his hands across my naked ribcage he began to turn a simple laugh into a full-on giggle-fest. We were definitely going to be late for the party.

***

We managed to make it downstairs with twenty-minutes to spare, Shay’s persistent niggling lighting a respectable fire under our asses. Smoothing down the knee-length black dress, I grabbed my purse in search of what I needed. When I couldn’t find them in the bag or the dish by the door, I began to panic, “Baby! Have you seen my keys? I need to move my car so that people can actually park here!”

Shay leaned around the corner, hair done-up in soft ringlets and pins, “Have you checked Kelly’s pockets?” She made her way toward me, heels clicking against the linoleum as she finished putting in her earrings.

I groaned, now was not the time, “Listen you two, we don’t have time for this.”

My scolding tone didn’t faze Kelly in the least as be materialized in the doorway behind me, top three buttons of his dress shirt undone and hand patting his pocket playfully, “Come on! Don’t be a spoilsport!”

Digging my hand into the pocket of his slacks, it took me a second to find what I was looking for. Fingers brushing metal, I pulled them out, careful not to let them catch on his pants. Moving to return to my business, I noticed the expectant stares coming off of the pair and lifted my keys up to inspect them.

There, sitting where Kelly’s key used to sit, was a new one of the same make.

My eyes sought his, confused.

He chuckled, holding up his own matching key to show me that he had taken it back, “Move in with me. For real this time. No more separate bedrooms.”

Brushing the loose Y/H/C waves behind my ear, I tried to think of a way to respond to what he had proposed and still do what I was feeling inside justice. I had nothing. There was too much happening inside of my mind and it was too early for the L-word. I didn’t want to spook him.

Shay cleared her throat awkwardly as she stared between us, “I hope she says yes or the fact that you already moved all of her shit to your room is going to be really embarrassing.”

That single comment seemed to break any tension that had been building and I grinned, no doubt coming off as quite the loon, “I kind of thought I already had.”

Kelly let out a breath, relief lining his face as he pulled me a Shay in for a bear hug with a laugh, “My two best girls and my baby under one roof. Best Christmas present ever. Nothing could ruin my night now.”

The man really should have knocked on wood.

***

The party was in full swing. Everyone who was supposed to be appeared to have turned out and everyone that I had spoken to was in relatively good spirits. Which could, of course, had something to do with the various spirits that Leslie had provided. If I was reading the situation right, several of our guests had no intention of remembering tonight.

With that in mind, I moved the bowl of keys to the top of the fridge.

I was taking my job as safety patrol very seriously seeing as I couldn’t drink.

I had just finished hiding the bowl behind the cereal boxes when Kelly waved me over. He was talking to an older couple and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that these were his parents. I could tell that he was already doing his damnedest to keep his comments tongue-in-cheek.

Approaching the trio, it wasn’t difficult to recognize Benjamin Severide. The man had a reputation that preceded his sons by a long-shot. He was one hell of a firefighter and even more of a lady’s man. Pictures of him still lingered around the Academy and the station. Even looking a bit rounder and grey, the gentleman was handsome.

The woman was another story all together.

Jennifer looked as though she would rather be anywhere but here and had simply come to appease her beloved child. Her auburn hair was tucked up neatly, and it was clear that the last place she wanted to be was anywhere near Benny. For the most part, she kept her gaze focused on Kelly but every now and then it would dart to the door as though she was plotting her escape.

Then those eyes found me.

Coming to a stop at Kelly’s side, I placed a hand on his back to let him know I was there, allowing the heat that radiated from him to ground me at the same time. He glanced down, giving me a soft, appreciative smile before trying to introduce me to his folks, “Mom, this is-”

She didn’t allow him to finish. She had appraised me already and found me wanting, “Yes, dear. The pregnant girl that you work with. No offense, but I thought we were meeting your girlfriend.” I could see that venom was a defense mechanism for her.

Benny took a deep drink of his whiskey, a derisive snort escaping at his exe’s expense, “Jennifer, if I’m not mistaken, this is his girlfriend.” Living nearer than she did, Kelly’s father was a bit more in the loop and appeared rather tickled to get to use his extra knowledge to feed the fire.

Jennifer’s face was shocked and I could see the protective surge rising in her as something failed to sit right, “Darling, no. You’re asking for drama. What about the child’s father?” None of this was directed at me and I was content to play the role of peanut-gallery until that changed or they hurt Severide. I wouldn’t be the thing that came between him and his parents.

Kelly’s jaw ticked as he tried to be patient. A virtue that he barely possessed on a good day. Pulling my hand from its place on his back and into his own, he gave it a tight squeeze. Whether he was reassuring me or himself, I didn’t know, “Mom, I am the father.”

Benny, sensing the ire rising between mother and son, tried to coerce me out of the line of fire. He might have something to say but he wasn’t going to say it any way aimed to hurt me, “Y/N, right? Could we have a moment with our son?”

I’d take any chance at salvaging my dignity that could get, “Oh, yeah. Of course.”

Before I could move away, Kelly’s grip tightened, eyes never leaving his parent’s as he stared them down, “No. Absolutely not. She can hear anything you have to say.”

By now we had gathered a bit of a crowd and I could see Mouch and Herrmann encouraging people to mind their own business as Boden and Casey had a silent argument over whether or not to intervene. My eyes found Shay’s and she moved that way to stop them.

“Kelly, this is a family affair.” His mother’s voice had taken on an icy tone but Severide seemed more than willing to weather the storm if it meant protecting me, “I said no. Her and that child _are_ my family.”

Benny sighed, setting his glass on the side-table he made yet another attempt to diffuse things before they got out of hand, “Son, all your mother is asking is if you know what you are getting into here. It’s a lot to take in and we all know you’ve been down this road before.”

You could have heard a pin drop as everyone within ear-shot stopped talking. I knew where this was going and I didn’t want to be around to hear it again. Kelly knew too, “Are you implying-”

His father held a hand out to stop him, shooting me an apologetic look before bringing up the very thing that had almost broken me and Kelly before we started, “Nothing that you yourself haven’t already implied from what I heard.”

I could still recall that entire fiasco at the station as though it were yesterday but I hadn’t known that the gossip mill had spread the idea so far. For Benny to have heard it…I swallowed hard. Now was not the time to live in the past.

The tenor of Kelly’s voice was deadly, “Now wait a minute.”

My heart was pounding in my chest and the last thing that I wanted to do was relive any of that. Tugging my hand from Severide’s I bit my lip and gave him an understanding nod, “I can’t… I think I’m going to go find a place to sit down for a while, alright?”

Not giving him a chance to deny me, I fled towards the far end of the room, ignoring the pleading ‘wait’ he tossed after me and waving off everyone who tried to talk. Kicking my wedges off at the corner of the loveseat and plopping onto the cushions, I fought the urge to cry.

Felling the other side of the couch dip startled me more than it should have.

I didn’t bother to tell the man to go away. He was safe. There was no risk of Doctor Connor Rhode’s making me talk feelings. Wiping the snot from my nose, I gave him a watery little smile and leaned toward him so that he could hear me, “I’m surprised to see you here. Happy, but surprised.”

His grin might have passed as sheepish had I not known him better, “Yeah. Apparently saving you and the baby bought me some goodwill with the Lieutenant.” He seemed to be angling for a more cheerful companion and his attempt earned him a miniscule giggle.

“And an invitation.” I pointed out.

Pleased by the positive response he had garnered from me, he shrugged, “That too.”

Taking him in, it finally hit me why I was so comfortable with the raven-haired surgeon sitting beside me, “You know, you and Kelly aren’t all that different.” The look on his face when I said this told me that I would have had better luck convincing his that Rapunzel’s hair really was magic and talking animals did exist.

His incredulous expression alone distracted me from the drama and earned him a real laugh, “Really. That’s why the two of you clash. You’re both Type A assholes with a job to do. You run into an OR and he runs into burning buildings. The only difference is that your career allows for a bit more longevity.”

His thick brows did something complicated, “Did you just call me an asshole?”

I groaned. Of course, that’s what he would take away from that.

My attempt at gearing myself up to try and explain exactly what I had meant was interrupted by a loud shout from a voice that I recognized well, “Fine. If you’re not going to leave I will!”

The shattering of the end table against the wall as Kelly kicked it had me almost jumping into Connor’s lap. Connor caught my arm as I moved to calm my angry boyfriend, giving me a quick shake of the head that told me I would be better off letting the man take a walk.

Hearing the door slam behind Kelly as he stormed out told me that he might be right.

Boden and Casey cut me off, both making their way out after him, jackets already in hand, “Stay here. We’ll see if we can’t talk him around.” I knew better than to fight them on this and stepped back to let them through.

Knowing that my Chief and my best friend would do everything that they could on the Kelly front, I made it my mission to make sure that he could come home to somewhere that he didn’t feel he had to fight to be heard. Brushing by Connor with a small thank you aimed his way, I only stopped long enough to ask Herrmann and Cindy if they could clear the place out and make sure everyone found their way home alright before making a beeline toward the night’s antagonists.

Kelly’s parents.

Shay was at my side in an instant, her silent support unwavering even as she did her own share of glowering. I took a deep breath before addressing the couple, “Kelly will be back anytime and I would appreciate it greatly if neither of you were here when he got here.”

As worried as I was about how they might react, I was more worried about the father of my child wandering the streets of Chicago on Christmas Eve doing God knows what. Jennifer was aghast but Benny seemed fully aware of the fact that they had crossed a line that night and had the good grace to look ashamed. He offered me a tight smile, “That’s fair. We didn’t mean anything by it. Just… have him give one of us a call? Once he’s had some time?”

I didn’t know whether his question was aimed at me or Shay but I wasn’t going to promise him anything until he made good with his son, locking eyes with him I scowled, “Look Mr. Severide, I don’t care what you guys might have said about me or even what I heard _you_ say about the paternity of my baby. No. What I do care about is the way that you speak to your son. Neither of you are going to talk to him like that again. Not while I’m around to you understand?”

Jennifer’s mouth opened and closed several times before she found the words she was looking for, “Look here young lady, we are just trying to keep our son from making the same mistakes we-”

“He’s not you!” Up until now I had kept my voice low, tried to keep things respectful but now I was as livid as I was stressed. Shay gripped my elbow as I swayed. Righting myself, I shot them one last glare, “Until you can accept that, get the hell out of our house.”

I didn’t watch them leave, instead leaning into whoever’s capable hands Shay was passing me off to as I was sat back down. Looking up I couldn’t help but admire the fact that Connor Rhode’s and Antonio Dawson were always playing superman.

Leaving Antonio to tuck me in on the sofa and get me something to drink, Connor scurried off to find my jump-kit. No doubt in search of a stethoscope and a pulse-ox. He came back with Shay’s instead. Dropping it beside me, he shuffled around inside for what he needed. Pleased by his finds, he went about checking my vitals while Antonio darted up the stairs to grab me a pillow.

The room was very nearly empty now thanks to the collective efforts of the Herrmann’s and Donna Boden. All of whom still hovered worriedly at the door with Shay and Gabby as they waited for me to be cleared and Kelly to return.

The thumbs-up that Connor shot in their direction was enough to have the Christopher and his wife bidding their farewells to get back to their own brood. Looking up at me from his prone position he let me know what I had already figured. Stress on pregnant lady equals stress on baby. Patting my leg, he told me to stay calm and get some rest. Advice that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to follow but agreed to anyway.

Putting the kit back where he had gotten it, he left me strict instructions to come by the hospital if I had anymore dizzy spells and made his escape. Antonio was less willing to depart, “I’ll leave when someone has some news on Severide.”

Unable to deter an adamant Dawson, I merely lifted my feet so that he could sit on the other cushion. Once situated, he pulled my feet back onto his lap and waited by my side for someone to let us know.

Gabby’s phone ringing almost forty-five minutes later was the first sounds to break the silence. The news wasn’t what any of us had wanted to hear. It was well past midnight and no one had seen hide nor hair of our missing Lieutenant. Casey and Boden promised to continue their search but insisted that everyone else get home and get some sleep.

After all, Donna had her own child to worry about and Gabby was dead on her feet.

Everything in me was headed for a breakdown as Antonio patted my leg, “Let me up kid.” I did so without question. The poor man was probably exhausted and had been too nice to tell me otherwise. Before I could thank him for staying as long as he had his phone was at his ear, “This is Detective Antonio Dawson. I’m going to need all units on the southside to keep their eyes and ears open for a Lieutenant Kelly Severide. Tall, medium build, dark, hair and blue eyes. Last seen wearing dark grey dress-shirt and slacks.”

My eyes widened. It might not have been a missing persons report but damn if I wasn’t greatful, “Antonio-” He waved me off, brown eyes twinkling, “Don’t thank me yet. Thank me when we find him.”

Dropping a quick kiss to my head, he sidled out the door and disappeared.

***

It was well two in the morning when I got the call. Shay had left to conduct her own search and I was relegated to the futon where I was meant to be trying to rest. It wasn’t working. Seeing the ‘No Caller ID’ that lit up my screen, I normally would have ignored it but right then I was desperate. I dove for the phone, “Yes?”

I recognized the raspy voice halfway through the first word, “Hey, girl. Its Erin Lindsey. Dawson told me you were looking for your boy. We got him over at The Hideout.”

My mind raced at the possibilities of what might have happened to him, “Is he okay?”

Lindsey’s response was pitched low, warring between irritation and begrudging amusement, “Yeah he’s fine. Pushing the boundary between drunk and disorderly and just plain asinine but fine. Want me and Jay to bring him home?”

I bit my lip remembering the last time someone tried to insert themselves in Kelly’s personal life, “No, no. I’ll come get him. If you could call the Chief and have him let everyone know we found him though, I’d be grateful.”

“No problem. Want me and Halstead to hang around until you get here?” This right here is why I could never bring myself to harbor any ill-will towards this woman. No matter her and Kelly’s past.

She was a Godsend. “Could you?”

Humor riddled her smoky laugh, “Sure thing. Jay can help you put him in the car. That’s why I keep him around anyway.” I heard Jay’s protest in the background. Undoubtedly indignant that he’d been reduced from the status of boyfriend and detective to manual laborer.

Grabbing my keys and the nearest jacket, I practically threw myself out the door, tossing a quick ‘thanks’ and a ‘see you soon’ into the mouthpiece as I went.

***

Moving to standing in front of Kelly I watched him tip over the various bottles of alcohol sitting before him in a sluggish search for more. Noticing me his head snapped up, eyes that were just slightly too bright locking on me for the first time all night, “Hey! Somebody drank all my booze!”

He pouted, something that might have been adorable if he didn’t look so pathetic. “I should kick their ass.” He mumbled.

Smirking I reached to remove an empty decanter from his grasp, “I don’t think you bend that way bub.” Furrowing his brow, he tried, unsuccessfully to process the meaning of my words before giving up with a huff. A drunk Kelly Severide was a sad Kelly Severide. A truth that every bar patron here was more than aware of.

Deciding then and there that his coming tantrum was one I did not want happening in public I rested a hand on his arm to guide him into a standing position. “No, stop trying to seduce me! I have a girlfriend.” He slurred, swatting feebly at my hand.

Jay and Lindsey both chuckled from their spot by the door as if they could read the _not for long_ written on my face. I nodded sagely, more than willing to play his games if they kept him moving, “Uh huh, that’s very sweet Kel but your hand doesn’t count.”

He tugged feebly in my grip, “She’s prettier than my hand and not near as rough.”

The vomit that covered my shoes approximately half a minute later was enough to make me rethink my supposed gentleness.

***

Back at the apartment I watched closely as a sobering Severide scrubbed vigorously at his teeth in a manner that was undoubtedly going to make his gums sore. It was almost impossible not to laugh at his struggle, head still wet from his “accidental” dunking in the fountain outside and eyes clenched as if he could somehow ward off the nausea with sheer force of will.

Twisting off the faucet when he’d finally had enough, he set his toothbrush down and turned to face me, trepidation warring with the ill look on his face. “How mad are you?” His voice was resigned.

I shrugged one shoulder noncommittally, “I can’t control how you handle things Kelly. I already have one baby on the way, I don’t need another.”

His eyes narrowed, “That’s not fair.”

_Seriously?_

“No. What’s not fair is making your pregnant girlfriend track you down in the wee hours of the morning after trashing the apartment. What’s not fair is you not picking up your goddamn phone or answering anyone’s texts! What’s not fair, is you making me worry that you had finally left me!” I didn’t realize what I had said until his eyes widened, hand reaching toward me,

“Sweetheart…”. I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks as I crossed my arms over my chest and took a step backward, “No. I’m done with this.”

I watched him swallow hard, processing the full meaning of my words. Seeming to steel himself he stepped into my space, the imposition causing the door to shut behind my back effectively trapping us in the bathroom.

His breath fanned my cheek as he dipped his head to my level in an attempt to catch my eye, “Are you done with me?”

Every part of my brain screamed at me that he had ran. That he didn’t want this. That he couldn’t handle the way other people thought. For me to think it through. But I didn’t want to think. I wanted my brain to shut up and let me bask in the heat he was giving off.

For once in my life I just wanted to feel.

Wrapping my hand around his neck I dug my fingers into the dark hair at the base of his skull and tugged, glaring “I am so fucking done with you.”

Smashing my lips against his in an almost painful clash I nipped hard at his lower lip once before pulling away. For a moment he did nothing more than gape, eyes hooded and lips swollen as he read me.

My moment of control was shattered as his arms turned to vices and the taste of toothpaste, beer, and Kelly Severide took over my mouth.

Large hands curving around my hips, he hefted me into his arms, my poor wrinkled dress wrinkling even further as it bunched in his grip. Wrapping my legs around his waist I allowed him to support me with his weight as his hands found homes against my throat and hip.

Scrabbling at his front, I clumsily worked enough of the buttons on his shirt free to permit me to pull it over his head. I needed to feel him and the amount of cloth between us seemed like an insurmountable obstacle.

Finally, able to get my hands around his back, I luxuriated in the soft, hot skin of his shoulder-blades even as I held him to me. Having him back in my arms, smelling the unique scent that was purely him, I felt the exhaustion of the day hit home.

Feeling my body sag against him, Kelly ceased his ministrations. Letting me come down in a way that reminded me just how well this man knew me.

With his forehead against mine, I breathlessly allowed my legs to slide back to the ground, planting my feet a little shakily on the tile. “What about now?” he murmured.

Trying to remember what our argument had even been about I bumped my nose with his, “What part of me decided before?”

His chuckle vibrated through the both of us, “The smart part.” I shook my head, bangs ruched-up against his skin, “Hmm yeah, well another part of me is thinking that the smart part didn’t know what the hell it was talking about.”

***

The next morning found me abiding by the typical girlfriend cliché of wandering around the apartment in nothing but an old CFD t-shirt that was way too big while Kelly washed away the events of last night and I removed the traces of it from our living room. The place was well and truly trashed. The three solid raps on the front door had me moving to answer it before my brain had caught up with my muscles.

The wide, semi-traumatized blue eyes of my best friend allowed it to play catch-up.

Watching him take in the delightfully rumpled state that I was in was an unexpected trauma. There wasn’t enough navy-blue cotton in the world to cover up the fact that Severide had left his mark the night before or the fact that my bra was gloriously absent.

Casey cleared his throat, lifted the bag of Christmas gifts up and attempting to avert his eyes like a choir boy at a strip club, “Jesus, I did not need to see that.”

In all the time between answering the door and trying to account for the cost to flee the country in humiliation, I had failed to notice that the shower had shut-off upstairs until two very solid, damp hands came to rest against my distended abdomen.

The scent of Kelly standing so close to me now was almost enough to have me dragging him back up the staircase, Matthew be damned. “My girl, my apartment, your problem.” I could almost see the cocked eyebrow and crooked smile on Severide’s face as he issued his glib reply against my ear. Hearing what he had said, Matt’s hand flapped between us, “This is exactly how you ended up with that baby.”

Kelly’s grip tightened, “Not exactly.”

***

Christmas was a quiet affair, apart from the number of berating calls to Kelly about his disappearing act, with most of us having already exchanged any gifts at the party the night before. Matt had been the exception, claiming that he and my housemates had something for me that hadn’t yet been ready.

Handing me the small box that he had brought with him, he and Kelly watched closely as I peeled the paper back. Not one to try and preserve the paper, it didn’t take me long. My brows scrunched up in confusion, eyes jumping between the two men, “I don’t get it.”

Resting inside the box was a small, handcrafted sign. In delicate firehouse font was a single word. A name. Joel.

Kelly cackled, hands tucked beneath his arms as he watched me struggle to figure out why my best friend had gone to such great lengths to make and give me a sign with my baby’s name on it. “Told you she wouldn’t. You owe me ten dollars.”

Casey snatched the sign back with frown, “Clearly the baby is draining her brain cells.”

Reaching out to tuck a had around my elbow he guided me toward the stairs, Kelly trailing behind with a grin that could only mean trouble. Stopping in front of the guest bedroom, Matt turned to face me, “Look. I know that you weren’t sure if you wanted to know the gender but I came up with a way of telling you without some ridiculous party. I’d like to think that I know you well enough that you won’t hate it.”

Hanging the sign up on a nail I hadn’t noticed in the center of the door, he turned the handle and swung it open as Kelly’s arms slid around me, “You were right baby.”

What I was looking at wasn’t a guestroom any longer. It was the most beautiful nursery I had ever seen. The furniture set that Shay and Severide had so lovingly chosen was completed, replacing the old bed and dresser that used to reside there. Tan walls were now framed in a bold white with deep red curtains and storage bins accenting them. A silhouette of a fireman stood sentinel near the crib alongside a poem about a firefighter father than made my lip quiver.

From the firetruck walker to the black rocking chair and the Firehouse 51 emblem above the bed, I could not have asked for anything more, but my favorite part of the room, the part that brought tears was what I saw on the wall where no furniture was located.

Hanging on the wall was a quilt made of t-shirts that I would have been able to recognize even without the little notes that adorned them. It was as clear that the shirts weren’t new as it was that each one had been handpicked by its owner to convey a message. That message was simple; This child wouldn’t need pictures of his family when he could have a real part of them right there with him all the time.

Every member of our extended family had contributed.

Not having the emotional bandwidth to read each individual message at that moment, I brought my hand to my mouth and let the tears slip down my face. What could I say to the two lieutenants standing behind me that could ever compare to what they had done for me here?

I went with the truth, “I don’t know what to say.”

Kelly lips brushed my shoulder, before resting his chin there, “You don’t have to say anything baby. Just enjoy it.”

Casey moved back into sight beside me, “He’s right. We didn’t put all of this effort in for a thank you. We did it for him.” His tipped his head toward my abdomen.

His words brought my brain back on line and I couldn’t help but bring up the two things that had just begun to nag at me, “This must have taken weeks. That means you were working on this even when we weren’t talking? We were fighting and you still thought about me. Thought this far ahead.”

Matt shifted his weight, uncomfortable with the attention so focused on him, “Course I did. You think I would have left Severide alone with a project like this?” He was using humor to sidestep my appreciation but I’d let it go for now.

Kelly wasn’t that nice, “Don’t let him fool you. He was the one making sure Shay and I picked out things that would match his desired aesthetic.” He spoke the last word with a mocking lilt and Casey moved to retaliate before remembering I was being used as a human shield.

The silence allowed me to bring up my other question, “Which one of you went against my express desires and asked the doctor for the ultrasound results?” My scolding tone had them both retreating slightly but it was Kelly who braved the backlash, “Neither of us. Not technically at least. I just asked your buddy Connor if he’d look into it for me. Something he was more than willing to do when I told him how much it might mean to you.”

He sounded pretty damn proud of him and I could stop myself from having a bit of fun with it, “You asked my friend to break hospital policy when, you…the father, could have just stepped into the clinic and requested that information? And I’m the one who’s losing braincells.”

The amusement in my words had his expression morphing from one of contrition to one of retaliatory ambition in an instant. Casey raised his hands, leaning in to press his lips to my cheek before backing out of the room, “As much love as I am feeling from you right now, I’ve got my own girlfriend waiting at home so I’m going to go. Merry Christmas you heathens!”

Kelly chuckled, turning me to face him completely, “And then there were two.”

A mental lightbulb flickered as I realized our usual third-party hadn’t come home last night, “Speaking of that, where does Shay keep disappearing to?” The woman had been in and out for weeks and I was starting to wonder just what she had been getting herself into.

Severide shuddered, a grimace taking over his face, “Honestly, I’d rather not know. She seemed happy when she called though.” Just as disturbed as him by the thoughts of Shay’s extracurricular activities, I didn’t respond. Simply pleased that she had found something that brought her some joy.

Now it was Kelly’s turn to remember something, “She mentioned something that I thought was pretty interesting actually.” The tone of his voice told me that interesting wasn’t going to the word that I would use to describe whatever information she had relayed.

“Hmm?”

He made sure that I was looking at him before he spoke again, “About you laying into my parents.” Shit… I hadn’t thought that that particular conversation would ever make its way back to him. Hadn’t even considered the possibility.

How was I supposed to respond when I refused to lie to him, “Oh.”

He knew me too well not to read into my ‘well there goes Christmas’ attitude. Squeezing my arms, he just smirked, “I’m not mad. I just wanted to tell you that you didn’t need to. I’ve been dealing with them my whole life.” And that was the problem. He’d been dealing with their bullshit for so long that it was a norm for him.

I growled, hands reaching up to cup the back of his neck, “You shouldn’t have to deal with it. I’ll always defend you Kel. From your parents, from the world, from the Devil himself. I don’t care. You mean too much to me for me to watch you get treated like dirt.”

“Baby, I…” His words were lost in his emotions and I just smiled,

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Like you said, just enjoy it.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

Christmas had passed with a bundle of gifts and a new addition to my key ring as well as the house while New Year’s Eve had come and gone without fanfare. New Year’s Day on the other hand was an entirely different story.

I had woken up alone that morning for the second day in a row, Kelly and Shay both having been called in to deal with the effects that the extreme cold was having on the city. I was growing accustomed to my alone time but that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t rather be out there with them.

I had made it partway through breakfast when I’d felt it.

A soft thump right beneath my ribs.

Moving my hand to my stomach, I pushed back. Trying to see if I could get the feeling back. It worked. There beneath my hand was my child’s tiny foot. Letting me have it from the inside out. It was an alien feeling, so much different from the quickening described by my doctors.

Choking back my tears, I reached for my cellphone. I needed to call Kelly. Even if he was busy, this wasn’t news that I could keep to myself. He didn’t answer any of my calls. That didn’t worry me though. He was likely in the middle of a job but there was also no way that I was going to tell anyone before him.

So, I would wait.

And wait…apparently…

It took two hours and me giving up to go and take a bath to get my phone to ring.

Lunging across the bathroom I tucked I hurried to hit the accept button, “You finally called back!”

Kelly’s voice was nearly drowned out by the sounds of the Squad truck, “Baby? What’s wrong?” He sounded concerned. I hadn’t thought about how he might take my multiple calls and felt bad for having worried him unnecessarily.

My giggle served as my attempt to soothe him, “I called you like six times!”

He laughed, rich and comforting now that he knew I wasn’t in mortal peril, “I was on a call you goon, if you aren’t feeling well or something is wrong you need to remember to call Boden instead. That way he can let me know.” Always so serious when it came to my health.

I harrumphed, “I know that. I just didn’t think our Chief would be very interested in feeling our son kick.” I knew that this would get his attention. He had been waiting weeks to feel something.

It did. “He moved?”

I bobbed my head, forgetting that he wouldn’t be able to see me through the phone, “Mmm. I swear, I’m not crazy. Just get home as soon as shift ends. I’ll see if I can’t get him going again.”

With his soft agreement ringing in my head, I returned to my plans. The bathtub was about to become my aching back’s best friend.

***

Laying in the clawfoot tub with Beth Crowley crooning in my ears, I tried to remember the last time I had been able to just soak. It had been forever and I found myself drowsing, wireless buds firmly in place as I let the warmth wash over me.

Body barely compliant I stretched my arm out for Kelly’s bodywash, intent on using it rather than my own simply because it was closer. My fingers had just brushed the plastic when the bathroom door exploded inward.

Neither the bottles on the tubs edge nor my earbuds stood a chance.

All the time I had spent relaxing was blown to hell as they were scattered onto the floor and into the water, “What the-”

I didn’t finish. Narrowed eyes locking onto an increasingly bashful Kelly Severide, “Did you just kick in our bathroom door?” He tried to shut it again, taking in the broken door-jam before accepting that it was dead and leaving it ajar.

Looking around at the chaos that was now our bathroom floor his neck reddened as he scrubbed a hand across it and bit his lip, “You didn’t answer and it was locked. I panicked.”

I closed my eyes on a laugh remember the night he had kissed me at Molly’s, “That seems to be a recurring theme with you Lieutenant.”

Ignoring the mess around us, I opened my eyes only to fell into his squinted blue ones. Sitting up, I scooted forward in the tub, not breaking eye-contact once, “Well Severide, you coming in or what?”

***

Kelly’s long arms curled tighter around my shoulder, slender fingers caressing my arm as I melded into him, breasts pressed firmly to his bare chest and legs knotted together. My own hands, confined by our bodies, occupied themselves by tracing patterns on his flesh as he laid kisses against my hair. I got the feeling that this was his new favorite position in the world, simply because it allowed him to feel our son move between us.

Nuzzling against him, I could feel the tension draining from his body. Tension that had been there since his calamitous arrival home, “It seems like you might have needed this.”

His arm flexed as he fought the war between his normal stoicism and our growing openness, “We had a tough call today.” That didn’t surprise me in the least. Station 51 was notorious for the rough situations that they almost always found themselves in.

Deciding to provide him with an opening to share if he needed to, I asked something that neither of us typically did, “Want to talk about it?”

His head started to shake on instinct before he changed his mind. He cleared his throat, “It was arson. A man lit a fire and left his wife to burn in her sleep. She didn’t make it.”

Damn. I really had been missing a lot at work, “Oh, Kelly.”

Kelly moved so that he could lay on his back, lip curled in disdain, “He says he did it out of love.” I could already see a number of reasons why that statement would have been enough to curdle my boyfriend’s blood. There was nothing he hated more than sickos with their own logic.

“People have convoluted ideas of what love is. We’ve both seen enough to understand that.” I murmured, pushing up onto my elbows so that I could look down at him.

He covered his face, a groan slipping through, “I know. I just…I snapped.”

There was something that he wasn’t telling me, “Kel, what happened?”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, “I told him that his idea of love was wrong. That burning the things and the people that you love is a disgrace to the whole idea. That you should be willing to burn for them instead. Like I would for you and Joel.”

I continued to look at him even as his eyes searched my face, the same expression lingering in them that he got whenever a crossword was particularly puzzling, “You’re being awfully quiet given what I just told you.”

I scowled. What exactly had he been expecting? “I know you love me, Kelly. I’m the mother of your child.” Anyone with eyes could have seen that he clearly adored me and the baby.

Kelly shifted up onto his elbows, cupping my face in his palm so that he could hold me in place. His eyes were even more dangerous up close and furrowed, “Y/N, I’m _in_ love with you.”

That wasn’t something that I had ever expected to hear from him. At least not first. I always assumed that I would be the one to slip up and say it. To scare him away. Should have figured that he’d beat me to the punch. He usually did.

“Oh.”

My lackluster response didn’t appear to have worried him in the least. In fact, it looked as if he was relishing it. A small smile curving those luscious lips upward as he searched my soul, “If you didn’t know that by now, I am honestly going to have to reevaluate my opinion of your intelligence.”

I had no answer for that. There wasn’t much that I could say when he was right. Opening my mouth to tell him that I love him too, I was cut off with a hot kiss. Without any warning, I was left to play along. Placing both hands on his chest, I tugged myself away, “Kelly, I love-”

Another kiss had me reaching to tangle my hands in the necklace he always wore.

The one that wasn’t there.

He moved my hands from his neck to his own, voice hoarse as he said the thing that would change our lives forever, “I know you do. Marry me?”

Something cold and heavy was pressed into my palm. Something familiar

His medal.

My eyes darted to his and he shrugged, “Means more than any ring.”


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

By the time the month of April rolled around, I had reached two very real conclusions. The first being that Kelly Severide was going to be the death of me and the second being that Christopher Herrmann was the worst birthing coach ever.

“Y/N, just breath. Are you sure you don’t want me to call Cindy or Donna? They might-” An injury related absence had left the older gentleman as the only one in town when everything went downhill and the entirety of 51 was called out to handle a massive industrial accident. I could almost swear that he was wishing he was there with them right now.

A snarl found its way passed my lips, “I swear to all that is holy Herrmann, if anyone that isn’t medical personnel or my fiancé comes through that door, I will hold you personally responsible.” The last thing I wanted was some other woman fawning over me while I did this. I emphasized my pint with a sharp squeeze as another contraction hit.

The squeak he let out was anything but manly, “Ouch! Hey now! I’m sure they’ll be here any minute.” Oh, I’d been fed that line plenty of times over the last four months. Just about any time Kelly had to miss an appointment or was late to something. It came with the job, that I understood, I just wished that people would quit trying to use that particular statement as a source of comfort.

The look that I shot him told him as much.

I was about to cut him loose and give him an out when my favorite smoke-eater practically fell through the door. Turnout gear still hanging from his frame and soot marking a line from cheek to ear, it was clear that he hadn’t stopped to change.

In fact, I could still smell the fire on him from the hospital bed.

I had never seen Herrmann move so fast as when he slipped from his position beside me and out of the door, allowing me a quick glance at the number of men standing idly outside. My eyes widened comically, “What is everyone doing here? It’s labor, not a four-alarm fire.”

Kelly scratched the back of his head, looking behind him toward the men as he began to strip out of the hefty overcoat, “We didn’t have time to drop anyone off if we wanted to make it in time.”

I balked at his admission, “You mean to tell me that there are two massive firetrucks parked outside of this hospital right now?” Jesus Christo, I could just imagine how the board was going to feel about that. All I could do was hope that they had had the decency to park them far away from the main lot, “Well at least go tell them to get back to work now that you’re here.”

Kelly came to lace his fingers with mine as yet another spasm wracked my body, one shoulder falling in a shrug as he brushed off my quiet demand, “Boden took the whole house out of commission when I told him what was happening.”

I groaned. Of course he did.

The sound of the door clicking brought me around. The labor and delivery doctor smiled at us a she poked her head in, “Now that daddy is here, does that mean that we can get this show on the road?”

My Y/E/C eyes locked with Kelly’s pewter ones, “Let’s do this.”

***

Kelly’s smile as he looked up from the dark-haired bundle in his arms was contagious, “He’s beautiful Y/N/N.” Whether I was biased or not, I couldn’t help but agree. With his small, wide nose and big pigeon colored eyes, Joel was every bit a Severide. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Lifting a single eyebrow in my direction, Kelly raised his voice slightly, not even bothering to look toward the form lingering in the doorway, “Hey Casey, how would you like to get in here and hold your godson?” In that moment I had never loved him more.

Watching this so-called womanizer cradle our newborn son in his arms I decided, right then and there, that sometimes life was better when things didn’t go as planned.


End file.
